Men - When Did You Last Cry?

I have been stuck on what I could add to the Men community. I mean I am a man but didn’t know if I had anything new or interesting to say. Then I thought about crying.

I really don’t mean this as a boast, people. But I am a crier. I will cry at lots of different things. This is not what a lot of guys like me, who were brought up in the 80s were encouraged to do. Now, I am not saying I was chastised by my parents about crying, because I wasn’t. What I am saying is that there was this culture of “Boy’s Don’t Cry” (I don’t blame you if you now have Robert Smith’s voice in your head – I do too, I do too.)

At school on the playground and even later in the 90s when I went to college etc., it was not really seen as the done thing – crying. Although I believed the misinformation that males should not cry, that didn’t ever stop me. The waterworks would start. And as I got older and wiser, I realised why. Crying is very normal. Healthy even.

I really am not trying to preach to the converted here, but I have always felt strongly that men should be allowed to and given space to express themselves through crying. Not just when their favourite team loses or wins, but for all manner of things.

That’s why I thought I’d put forward the question – men, when did you last cry and why?

I can share when I last cried – my wife and I had a disagreement and fall out (we’ve been going through an extended rocky patch – to put it mildly – for a long time now. Mostly due to me being a selfish, lying ass – but that’s a different tale for a different day). Anyway, so we had a shout off and things got grim pretty quickly…then they calmed right down. Then I erupted. I think it just all got to me – I’ve been trying to make improvements to how I am in life, in our relationship etc. And I felt sad that I had screwed up yet again.

It was when we made peace and hugged it out that I cried. It was like a release (I had had a stupidly sore headache all morning, which cleared once the tears were wiped dry). It may have been a little over the top, but it was a healthier way of dealing with the screw-up than any number of other ways I can think of.

Before that, I cried when I read Cathy Holmes beautiful piece about a piece of artwork and her mother passing. I consider her a friend, that was a beautiful piece and it moved me. So, tears flowed. Do I feel less of a man for telling you all that – not in the slightest. Why should anyone, be told to stop crying. That’s part of the reason why toxic masculinity is a thing. Notice I said part of the reason. Don’t come at me in the comments or I’ll cry.

Joke.

I also thought to in some way lessen the burden and the stigma attached to crying I’d share with you some of the things I have cried about over the years:

• The birth of both my sons.
• Each and every time my wife and I nearly split up for good.
• The death of my uncle Giovanni and death of my Nonna. (An interesting side note on the latter is that I felt I had dealt with her death admirably and healthily, until like a year and a half after she had gone, I was thinking about her and cried a whole bucket of tears over her. I was speaking to my wife about it, and she said “Well, of course you’re crying out of the blue…you never grieved properly” I was taken aback and tried to argue that I had. She said “Paul, you cried for like a day and then went back to normal…that wasn’t really enough” She was right. So, I definitely still need to work in the crying department)
• The death of Dermot Morgan (the actor that played Father Ted, the main character in an Irish comedy show shown on Channel 4 here in the UK about Catholic priests)
• The death of Jeff Buckley
• The death of Wash from Firefly
• The death of Darth Vadar/Anakin Skywalker
• The end of Pan’s Labyrinth
• Most of This is Us (HBO TV show)
• Many of the big deaths in Grey’s Anatomy
• The Downward Spiral by Nine Inch Nails, All We Love We Leave Behind by Converge, Me Ves Y Sufres by Hope of the States, The Day the Whole World Went Away by Nine Inch Nails, Electro-Shock Blues by Eels.
• The death of Bill in Kill Bill 2

Just…so…many…things.

The list is endless. Some of those are quite clearly frivolous and non-consequential, but they mattered at the time.

So, I have no idea whether you cry or not, but don’t hold back, if you want to. You will feel better, trust me (yeah, trust the Scottish guy). Or don’t, but don’t dismiss people for crying.

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Thanks for reading!

I would have shared a picture of me crying, if I had one on file - there may well be one on file, but trust me, I don't look nearly as cool as the guy in the image at the top.

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this piece - let's have a civil discussion about crying. Or something.