Manly(ish)

Hand off your hat, Grab a beer, and Settle in. We’re off for a bumpy ride. It’s the MAN TRAIN. It may go off the rails.

First off, let me note that, even without the obvious feathered embellishments and scarring ... I look absolutely nothing like the picture above. Well, I do have arms, legs, head, eyes.. and all the requisite anatomical parts that define the basic biological make up of the human male. All of which still function properly. 👍 That is almost where it ends. I am 60, a bit overweight, 5’6” tall, and no person’s definition of a … “hunk.” My beloved wife & soulmate, however, just said to me, “To me, you are my hunk.”

Yes, we are still… actively amorous… Not as often at 60 and 56 as at 30 and 26…, but, still, as Olivia (R.I.P.) advised, we get physical. We snuggle. We neck. We hold hands. I still buy her flowers just because I want to. 38 years, 7 months after we said “I do.”

So: Does physical strength and prowess make one a man. No.

Does being solicitous of the emotional and physical needs of your life partner make you a man? Yes…, at least it’s a part of it.

At the time of this writing I am sixty Gregorian Calendar years old. I am still married to the same lovely 18 year old woman - now 56 and with serious back problems - who followed me, a 22 year old bookish college student, around her uncle's house … in her ugly overalls with her quite nice body, face , posterior…, etc., … when we both happened to be attending the same party being held by ... her gay uncle who was a friend of mine. (Yes, I said "her gay uncle who was also a friend of mine,” return to that later).

Perhaps her father asking me to climb up on the roof of the house and dance there so he could record it for posterity had something to do with it. I manfully displayed both a willing sense of humor as well as physical prowess - which I had some of at 22 years old - in climbing up on that roof at the behest of a stranger…. And dancing on that roof for a historical documentation of this momentous occasion. Said stranger became my father-in-law 8 months later. And my fiancé wasn’t even pregnant…, thankfully. Not to say we hadn’t performed the requisite action for her to possibly become so…, but she wasn’t. We married for love, not necessity.

Sense of humor. YES. Willingness to act silly and even make fun of yourself? Yes. Willingness to take a chance on a young woman who, while quite fetchingly pretty, appeared a tad…, lost… Yep.

My wife, Emily, and I are rapidly approaching our 38th anniversary. I still write her poetry. Together we have created, raised, loved, laughed with, disciplined, rewarded, and sacrificed for four actual human beings. Each of our four children are now adults - from the age of 23 through 36. We are the proud grandparents of six wonderful boys from 9 months through 10 years. Our first Granddaughter is due in October. Not even once have I considered actually cheating on her. Have I ever looked at another woman? Of course. But I eat dinner at home.

A MAN PUTS FAMILY FIRST… ALWAYS.

A MAN is FAITHFUL to his significant other.

I was a soldier ... an officer in the Army Signal Corps 1985-1992 (Desert Storm). I have worked for 30 years in an emergency 911 dispatch center at a police department (and still do to this day).

A MAN IS WILLING TO WORK to provide his family the necessities first. Luxuries after. But, no man is an island. Be willing to accept help when needed so long as you strive with all your might to do the best you can as a provider or partner of another provider standing by your side. Yes, the spouse can work outside the home too. It’s also his/her family to provide for. If both work outside the home…, both can work inside too. A man has the knowledge and ability to help with cooking, cleaning, washing… as well as mowing the lawn and taking out the trash.

Note: Being a father DOES NOT make you a man. Taking care of and providing for your family and friends… YES. Sacrificing your own desires to ensure you provide for your family and friends… YES. FAMILY, FRIENDS, WORK, SELF… in that basic order. You must decide for yourself whom that includes for you. Set priorities … As John Denver espoused in Thank God I’m a Country Boy: Play when you can, work when you should.

Does a man fight for his family and friends? Absolutely. But only if they are actually being wronged physically, spiritually, or emotionally. Only when he must in order to protect his own. I do mean physically here as well as spiritually and emotionally.

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All the above biographical information makes it sound like - perhaps separate from the gay friend/uncle-in-law - I am a typical red-blooded heterosexual American male and family man.

I don't know what typical means. Do you? Each of us are typically and fundamentally different. We are INDVIDUALS.

Embrace your own identity. Allow others to embrace theirs.

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I grew up the fifth child in as many years of a manly man who was a soldier and a Viet Nam veteran…, police officer, educator, and a very respected - even somewhat feared - MAN. Nobody who knew my father ever doubted his virility, intelligence, or indomitable will. Still, he never watched or followed any type of professional sports. At all. Neither do I.

I do enjoy playing racquetball. Karl (my gay African American best friend and soul brother - more below on that) taught me racquetball. He kicked my butt all over the court for a couple of months b4 the 1st time I beat him. I was ECSTATIC. After all, I gave up tennis for racquetball. Yes… tennis. I was decent. I became a fair to middling racquetball player. Even won an amateur tournament … once … 35 years back. I also won a pool tourney in my battalion while in the army. I was a lowly 1st lieutenant at the time. I got lucky.

Must a MAN be a pro sports fan? Must he put on body paint and do “The Wave” in the stands? NOPE. Not required. Can he if he wants to? AbsoEffingTutely.

Does a man not a sports fan respect the views of those who are? YES. Despite hero worshipping strangers who make their living playing games while soldiers, police officers, doctors, firemen, and others make a real difference for a tiny fraction of the pay. *Shrug* We are an entertainment and diversions focused society and those who entertain us are paid well to do so . At least the popular ones who have the skill, determination, tenacity, and strength of character to do what it takes to “Make it.”

The same is true for politics and religion. Be respectful and mindful of the value of differing values and systems of belief and society.

A MAN RESPECTS OTHERS VIEWS. Even if he doesn’t “get it.”

A MAN knows that just because others have opinions different than his own .., Just because someone voted for the other guy/girl … Just because someone prefers Ford over Chevy or drives a Prius... Just because someone goes to Temple or Synagogue or faces East on a prayer mat… instead of a ‘ Decent Christian’Church’ (SARCASM) .. Does not mean said person is less a man; nor you more. People are individuals with their own ideas, beliefs, likes, dislikes, etc. Some like to fish while others attend ballet.. many, like myself, do both.

I prefer turf over surf on my dinner plate. You may like vegan, Chinese, seafood, or even, *shudder*, vegetarian. That’s absolutely fine. A man sticks to his views, within reason, whilst listening to, respecting, and even adjusting his own opinion in a given matter when he ruminates upon and finds value in the differing opinion of someone else.

A MAN is accepting of other’s right to disagree. A MAN will listen, discuss, weigh the evidence and morality of varying schools of thought - and then reach his own conclusion.

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Of course, being the youngest of five, I was the "baby." But, I grew up for 10 years moving around the world experiencing cultural revolutions in Taiwan, Germany, and various places in the good old USA. That in itself could fill up a novel; but I do know my personal fairy godfather is a little old Chinese man I knew as Papa Ho when I was aged 5 to 7 years old and crippled with a rare tropical foot disease [Probably why I am a lifelong bookworm… bibliophile]. I loved that little old stoop-shouldered Chinese man who spoke a broken bit of English but loved a puny, crippled (at the time) little white American boy.

Note: See “ Papa Ho” and feel free to peruse my story creds on my profile page. https://vocal.media/humans/papa-ho

Even South Korea was an interestingly eclectic place to spend a year. I was a 2nd lieutenant ther in Ouijongbu after college. What a year. People are people are people. No matter their nationality, race, religion, creed, culture, gender, or orientation. Let them be that. Embrace new ideas and ways - so long as said ways don’t conflict with your own morality. If so, nod, smile, shake his or her hand… and move peacefully on.

https://vocal.media/authors/andrew-c-mc-donald for my profile page.

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Growing up moving from place to place taught me to be very accepting of cultural and societal differences in personages of various races, creeds, belief sets, etc. I thank the deity above for that, in all honesty.

Still, I was just 10 when Dad retired and moved home to Florida where he then became a respected Police Officer... So, yes, I had a positive and MANLY role model to follow. I was, and remain to this day, an intellectual book worm. Deal with it. I am now the author of a couple of thriller novels with a number of short stories and a ton of poetry to my credit. I am working on 2 other novels between work, home, and life.

**check into the kindle store at amazon should you care to. If not, that’s fine: Punishment and Good Deeds .. The Killing Keys... both by ... Andrew C. McDonald.** LOL. Nothing like a plug.

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https://www.amazon.com/stores/Andrew-C-McDonald/author/B005MXG90K?ref=ap_rdr&store_ref=ap_rdr&isDramIntegrated=true&shoppingPortalEnabled=true

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I also write novels, short stories, poetry - of all types, some "risque" stuff, some children's stuff, ... ... Well, all kinds of stuff. And I still, like my father, know not one thing about professional sports. However, I generally know who will be in the Superbowl... Someone invariably tells me. It allows me the opportunity to throw a manly barbecue. I can grill up dogs, burgers, ribs, and such while my sports loving buddies watch the game. Together we can lift a beer or two.. Except I really don't care for beer. Never developed a taste for it. Never felt, or caved to, the peer pressure driven need to try to develop a taste for something I just don’t like. Thus, I tend more to Jack & Coke or some such. My 2nd son introduced me to Crown Apple & Sprite. That's good stuff.

After the barbecue, I may sit down and write a love 💕 poem. Or, I may just have another drink, shoot some darts, toss a ball, or soak in a hot tub. I do me … You do you. is One Tree Hill on Yet? Or shall we just try to Die Hard?

I did spend my own time in the Army, as earlier stated. I attended college on a full Army Reserve Officer Training Corps scholarship. My degree is in .... Applied Mathematics. Nope, not creative writing or literature. I was in college still at age 22 when I met my wife who was 18 at the time. We married when I was 23 and she 19. We still sleep in the same bed... happily.

So, does that make me a man? You can judge for yourself. I have friends from all walks of life. Probably based upon the acceptance and tolerance of differences I learned from cradle to ten. Besides, my mother was a very accepting woman and quite formidable in her own way. Sorry Mom. Should have mentioned you earlier.

My father once told me that (since I graduated high school with honors - and was even in the Marine Corps JROTC program where I commanded the "Fancy" Rifle Drill Team) if I turned out to be a genius it would be based upon his DNA. I told him that my mother was every bit as intelligent as him, just a bit less educated. He laughed. [Thankfully. *whew*].

Oooookkkkayyyyy,,, back to the friends of all walks. Just after I graduated HS, still at 17 years old, I met a young bisexual African American man by the name of Karl. Despite our obvious differences - racially as well as "orientationally" - we became tight friends. Karl was my dearest friend till the day he passed, now 8 years back. R.I.P. my dear friend. Karl, whom I knew before I met the love of my life, also became very close with my lovely wife. It tickled me no end to see the 2 of them walk down the street pointing out various ... attributes ... of some of the men on the streets.

I was more the "man on the street" norm, I suppose. I was indeed focusing much more on the attributes of the nubile women on said streets. Not ogling, mind you, that is disrespectful: Especially in the presence of my spouse and friend. Karl passed away 8 years ago.. I was 52 at the time of his passing and he was my brother. My wife’s dear friend. This gay African American was known as Uncle Karl to my children who all miss him dearly. He was a man.

So: Does being a man mean one must be heterosexual? I don’t believe so. LGBTQH …. H for heterosexual. No sweat , so long as one doesn’t try to cram it down another’s throat.

A MAN knows We Love who We Love. Fine - just do it respectfully.

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The day they put my 1st born son in my hands... my heart melted. It was an ordeal for my dear wife, and my infant almost asphyxiated in a ... horrifically frightening delivery room ... drama. But, we don't need to go into all that. 13 months later, when they placed my daughter in my arms, my world changed. It flipped upside down. When my wife had a miscarriage: We mourned together. When we had my 2nd son(child 3) I was just as off kilter, head over heels, as with the 1st 2.

But, FERTILITY & VIRILITY don’t make you a man any more than needing an extra large Trojan condom.

We adopted my great nephew when he was 2. He is my brother’s grandson. He is now 23. He is Every Bit As Much Our Son as the other 3.

A man adopts, embraces, gathers, or fathers his children and family in many ways. Just be there. Love them. protect them. Provide for them. Do what you must to do so. Including swallowing your pride when your life partner has to step up to help… even outside the home. Put the bread on the table. Just do it legally and morally. Work for it. Work for it together.. Or alone of you are single - whether by choice or the whim of a capricious universe.

My oldest son has 3 boys.. 1 year to 10. He is getting divorced but shouldering his responsibilities in a truly MANLY fashion. He’s a great Dad. My daughter won’t ever have children biologically. Should she adopt, or not, I will love her family too. My 2nd son has a 6 year old step son, a 1 1/2 year old mixed race boy who is the center of my universe despite his different gene pool. He also has a 9 month old boy who is a little Herculean terror, and his spouse - the lovely Amanda - is carrying my first granddaughter. I am certain that come October my world will turn upside down again when I finally meet Leyliana Grace.

I had a vasectomy 30 years ago. After the birth of our 3rd child. This MAN shoots blanks … but he still shoots.

You don’t have to get it up or shoot armor piercing rounds to be a man. Just be faithful in your relationships and respect others who do the same on their own… no matter whether the other has a spouse, a live-in, a friends with benefits, or a same sex life partner/husband or wife.

Okay… Had enough yet?

…

A MAN has priorities, and keeps them in order.

A MAN is tolerant and accepting of other’s viewpoints.

A MAN can love whom he loves… without qualms or quibbles while letting others do the same.

A MAN can be a lover, a father, an uncle, a friend, a brother, a neighbor, and a friend… And do it all while juggling a broom and a monkey wrench in greasy overalls and an apron.

A MAN can be a sports fan .. or not

A MAN provides for and supports his family and accepts help when necessary… with no guilt. Let the others help you as you help them.

A MAN doesn’t have to shoot armor piercing rounds… or blanks… or shoot all to be A MAN.

A MAN tries to leave this world a better place when he’s gone than it was when he got here.

A MAN knows when it’s time to mourn and when it’s time for the burden to be quietly borne.

Acceptance … Tolerance… Fidelity … Respect for self and others, Industriousness.

Ad Infinitum…

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What does it mean to be a man? It means you have the testicles to be your own man, in your own way, and let others do the same.

I am older(ish), physically unprepossessing, balding… But my wife, my kids, my grandchildren love and respect me as I do them. My friends and neighbors know I’ll be there if they need me.

So: Many would say I am at best MANLY(ISH): But I’m man enough to accept that and MAN ENOUGH to accept their right to said opinion while politely not giving a crap.

What defines a man? What doesn’t?

P.S. My wife is the strongest willed person I know. I have a college degree (B.S. Applied Mathematics) and I tutored her to get her G.E.D. She now has an Associates Degree. She experienced severe sexual abuse as a child by the hands of those whom should have been protecting her. I helped her accept her own innate worth and accept that it was not her fault. She is a pillar of womanly strength while being a feminine stick of dynamite. She can rock a pair of jeans and a tee shirt as well as a silk negligee. She is quite (Wo)Manly.

What makes a MAN a MAN? The man in question must answer that for himself.