Thinking about the pressure of life in first-tier cities and the difficulties of marriage for a woman in her 40s, my inner monologue in the first half of my life

I got married 12 years ago today, but I couldn't sleep all night tonight. I had been tortured all night and couldn't sleep well. My hair was falling out in clumps. Should this marriage continue or not? Is it sustainable?

I am middle-aged and I am a vulnerable group in the job market at my present age. Although I have rich work experience, I still face the disadvantages of age, resources, family conditions and marriage difficulties. In marriage and family relations, women face economic pressure, difficult parenting, unequal family status, sharp contradictions between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, etc. (Although MY mother-in-law and I seldom get along with each other, she often says that it is women's job to educate children and help them with homework). Most of the public may lack understanding and sympathy for the plight of such groups. (Check the recruitment for women under 35, childbearing status, etc.) Clearly I create the same social value as men do? In addition to working to earn money for my family, I have to have children, do housework, help with homework, and be filial to my parents. Why?

Does marriage mean anything to me at all? This is torture from the soul!! I think marriage is the last thing you can really think about, because you've been stuck in it for more than 10 years, it's exhausting, it's exhausting, it's almost purgatory for me...

After 12 years of marriage, I am now 30 years old and about to turn 40. I begin to think about the meaning of marriage. The first half of my life has passed, so it is too late to think about whether it is meaningful or not.

That few years, the highest state is, his cold, or don't do not communicate, what I say he didn't answer, don't reply on WeChat, said he also as not to hear, what is all my emotions and feelings and pain, I'm hidden, because they have no and he complained, also have no place to talk, often see him I go to the word of mouth, How many times are only busy rush to end, really ask for boring. We don't have like in fortress besieged, unscrupulous quarrel, in avoid to quarrel with children, but his cold violence is not restrained, often I don't know what I said is wrong, or do something wrong, he suddenly lost his temper, rather we can fight, at least, is also a kind of communication, but the black face, cold said what all don't respond, it is very bad, I am too lazy to guess, I continue to do my thing, after all, the time will pass, 12 years of getting along with the pattern, it is difficult to change, it is false to say there is no resentment.

Had 20 s a foolish into the marriage, is longing for love, a person alone in the struggle in shenzhen (meet person of hometown, he often help to repair the lamp, faucets, computer or something, then the false) to get married because of pregnancy, family economic conditions don't care about each other, work with his own savings wedding wine, at your best age, is also one of the best state, 158 cm, 95 kg, is not very beautiful but there are also popular, chasing my person also many, but I don't have any comparison, drawing the Tucson shiva, plunged into married life, happy to live a poor life, with the coming of the children, to buy a house decorate such as pressure, he became very angry, what have carelessly said he will roar, sometimes hands on, (Like the water in the glass is tap water... Say yes to go out, before leaving suddenly furious... A slap in the face while discussing renovation plans...) When I signed the property ownership certificate, I insisted that my name should be written in the property ownership certificate, because I also left half of the house, he did not agree, I was very angry, and then we went to the Civil Affairs Bureau, I signed the divorce agreement, he regretted again, his selfishness was exposed),

He fought several times in his marriage, all because of some small matter, no question of principle. I don't remember what reason once he choked my neck, in front of my son, I went to the court to Sue for divorce, he apologized and his parents tearful persuasion, my heart softened and withdrew the lawsuit, promised the old man no longer pursue, but he did not change much, I have no hope for him. I am very grateful to my parents-in-law, we get along well, they are honest and kind people in the countryside, because I have been working, the children are small when they help me with, think every family has this difficult to read, and I minor, minor, raise children together.

My advice for marriage: first build mutual understanding on the basis of harmony before marriage. Newlyweds, do not have to worry about having children, in 3-5 years after marriage, fully understand each other, not too late to have children, do not because of the people around or family pressure to give birth to children, this is irresponsible, for themselves and others.

I am a rural girl, my father died of illness early, through my own efforts to enter the university, after graduation, I came to Shenzhen alone, hard work, the first few years of work every month to save money for my sister to go to college, mother to raise our three children alone is not easy, I admire my mother's strong. I also accept traditional culture as a child, ask a woman from one life, must love his husband, do filial children, do a good wife, good mother.........

Economically, has always been the economic independence, to buy a house to buy a car, there was a need to other things, again gather together, I am in charge of the daily spending at home, the car costs, outside teach children, remedial class fee, daughter, milk powder, diapers, my family expenses, etc., I'm spending my had a habit of bookkeeping, never tube he, estimates that he didn't give me.

Physically, we sleep in separate rooms at a frequency of about once a month. I used to think it was boring, but since I started using the vibrator, I've never experienced it before. It's a great baby.

Spiritually, I feel that I have no hate for him, nor complain, can only say that in my heart has taken him as a passer-by, he is only the father of the child, I can live without him, even a better life.

From the point of view of reality, a lot of people will continue to this period of marriage without love for children, I also to raising children and live together, but marry a man that has brought so much pain, and I also want to disguise themselves, put on a harmonious happy life, but only I know, baby my heart bitter ah, But why do I still live with him? Make yourself miserable every day? But if I live alone with a child.

I am afraid of family disappointment, afraid of a person alone in the face of life, if not good, but also trouble old mother. For the children, for........ It's all an excuse for cowardice, and ultimately because I didn't have the courage before,

From any point of view, his attitude and behavior, including mine, didn't make us happier or better, period. I think if you can really live a good life, this positive life enthusiasm and emotions will be infected to the children, compared to a fragmented home one hundred times better.

In elementary school, a concern, son daughter 3 years old, working, monumental exploits, survival pressure in shenzhen, the present economy is a big problem, if I don't have a job, this year the company went bankrupt, I in the work, do a part-time job, a part-time can currently responsible for spending in the home, but to help the old man's absence, busy every day, such as ants, My main job was also a bit too much for me;

I still have the rest of my life. I am approaching middle age. How will I live my life in the future? I don't need a lot of money. I'm a contented person. Peace of mind, people to know and support each other, that's fine, but right now it's a luxury.

There is an old mother in the home, a younger sister, a younger brother, their economic situation is better than me, as the age rush 40, more and more feel, the world is not worth, after I get old if sick, dare not trouble family, also do not want to trouble children, I am not dead also no one cares.......