Marriage counselling : Why Space Matters for healthy Relationships

Marriage counseling

Let’s begin with a beautiful story on relationship for those embarking on a new journey of relationship and family as it might help those in need .

A beautiful story taken from internet which touched my heart by the veteran Indian bollywood actor Sir Saeed Jaffrey. It was mentioned that Saeed Jaffrey had parted with his first wife Mehrunima in 1965. Mehrunima changed her name to Madhur Jaffrey after getting separated from him. She touched new levels of fame after writing more than a dozen cookbooks on Indian cuisine for the world citizens.

Saeed Jaffrey had a daughter and a son with Madhur Jaffrey whom he divorced for his second wife Jennifer. But this veteran actor has won the hearts with his heart-wrenching regret. This came out, a few years after he left this world.

According to his diary, Saeed Jaffrey at 19, married Mehrunima who was then 17-year-old. Fascinated by the western culture and their etiquette, he has changed a lot and expected the same from her. When she was still the same obedient wife and a good homemaker being the mother of a daughter and a son, Saeed lost interest in her. Saeed’s constant admonishments made the cheerful young lady into an insecure woman.

Meanwhile, Saeed Jaffrey’s co-actor Jennifer attracted his attention and she was the same lady as he expected Mehrunima to be. Feeling self-concerned, he divorced his first wife breaking 10 years of their marital relationship and married Jennifer. But in a short time, he realized that it was the biggest blunder of his life. He could not get the love, care, and affection shown by Mehrunima from Jennifer. His second wife, who was so much self-concerned failed to replace the position of his first wife.

Later on, Saeed was awestruck by the way Mehrunima changed into Madhur Jaffrey. The actor cum show host and writer, Madhur was completely a new lady. When he went to meet her, she rejected. But his 14-year-old daughter and 12-year-old son had the last word with him, proudly announcing that Madhur’s second husband and their legal father has been her constant support. His concern and encouragement changed Mehrunima and brought a famous octagenarian actor and food connoisseur, Madhur Jaffrey, in front of the world.

Mentioning all this, Saeed Jaffrey regretted his decision of leaving his first wife, who use to shower unlimited love and affection towards him.

If someone had shown me this subtitle a couple of years ago, I would have closed the browser. To me, relationships were all about closeness. Space was almost a dirty word — one that’s usually used right before a breakup: “I need some space right now, so maybe we should stop seeing each other for a while.”

But now I realize that personal space is as important for our relationships as air is for our bodies.

We all need time to relax, to engage in activities that we enjoy outside common interests and to associate with other important people in our life. Space is also absolutely essential for individual growth and personal development.

But perhaps the best part of personal space is that it reignites the magic in a relationship. When you no longer feel like one being and the resentment from inundation is gone, interactions between you and your partner become much more interesting.

You are genuinely excited to see each other after a little time apart. Something in the air feels like those early dating days. Suddenly, you can really feel the love and not just the attachment.

Space, Time and … Money.

Let me break it down. Personal space doesn’t only apply to physical space, but let’s start with that. My husband and I used to share an office. This meant that neither he nor I had any physical space to call our own.

I always knew that I appreciated privacy. But when it came to him, well, I made an exception. It was only after that dreadful night that I realized how badly I missed having my own space — both metaphorically and literally.

After some consideration — and much furniture rearrangement — I turned the rec room into my studio. Now each of us had our own space, and I loved it. It was amazing how much of a difference it made to have my own physical space.

Having your own space automatically helps you get your own time. But you will still need to be clear about when you want time alone. Simply tell your partner when you would like to spend time by yourself.

If you are not used to doing that, then it may be difficult at first. But it is well worth the effort to get into the habit of asking for what you need, before resentment starts to build.

Finally, there is money. There are many reasons why a couple might want to share finances, especially when children are involved.

But did you know that money is the number one reason that couples fight? I think the problem isn’t that they share their money. The problem is that they share all of it.

For some of us, it can be very liberating to keep a percentage of our pay check. In fact, some marriage courses for engaged couples recommend doing exactly that.

Our money is the result of our time and energy, and using at least some of it as we please without having to justify, explain or account for it can help contribute to a healthy sense of space.

Marriage counseling

We all know that relationships are complicated. However, they are also the most rewarding and worthwhile parts of our lives. They are well worth the effort they invariable require.

It isn’t always easy to tell your partner that you need more space — whether that’s an evening alone, a vacation with your girlfriends, a room of your own or simply permission to make a decision without his input. On the flip side, it can be just as hard to give space when your partner asks for it.

Think of it as a long-term investment. When space is taken out of the equation, all that remains is commitment. Are you willing to settle for a relationship devoid of passion and excitement? Few of us are. The good news is we don’t have to settle!

Take the chance, for both yourself and your partner. Give each other room to be unique individuals who bring different things to the relationship.

Give each other permission to enjoy this gift of life not only together, but also separately. Give each other some space, and you will be rewarded with a love that’s more passionate, more powerful, and more deeply, intensely alive.