How to Survive (and Rock) Your Wedding Registry

Congratulations on your recent engagement and upcoming wedding! By now you are probably knee-deep in plans, scheduling, budgeting, and DIY projects exactly like the one you saw on Pinterest.

I’ve been in the wedding business and I’ve seen it all. The one thing that people sometimes struggle with (or put off until the very last moment) is the gift registry for their wedding. Hopefully these can give you ideas for making the perfect registry for you and your partner and your future lifestyle.

Where should I start?

• Think about where you like to shop. If you shop at several stores frequently, you will be able to pick out several things that you want. Don’t feel pressured to pick somewhere just because everybody goes there (but do give other places a chance, if you have never been there, check out a store you might find things you never knew you needed).

• Take inventory. Find a registry checklist online and go through your house. Cross out things you have that you like, mark things that you could upgrade, things that you need, and take note of suggested quantities. Also take time to add things to the list, keeping in mind home décor items, novelty items, hobbies, and outdoor entertaining, which many lists leave off. Use this as your starting point.

What should I get?

• I don’t know your lifestyle. I will say you should think of a few categories—essentials for your home, fun items, hobbies (if they are things you do together) Don’t be afraid to add something because it’s not something that traditionally goes on a registry. Make it personal for you. It can reflect things you guys like to do together. If you like to garden, add some gardening tools, or planters. If you like to play games, add board games, or card games. Give yourself a variety so that people who like to give practical gifts have practical items on there. Have keepsakes and nicer things so people have things to give that they know you will keep forever and maybe hand down.

When should I start?

• A year before your wedding. The reason is you can hit various seasons (hey it’s a great way to collect some Christmas decorations if you need a wreath or some ornaments, and things that are essential for grilling outdoors) This will give you enough time to really get a great registry without feeling pressured, or like you are running out of time. You have enough to do in the last few months before your wedding.

How many places should I register at?

• Keep it down to 2-3. Any more and you risk only having a small amount on each one, which can make it difficult to shop. Too few and some people might not be able to access that store. This includes brick and mortar stores and online stores. Make sure you have a mix for every type of shopper.

What kind of registries are there?

• Traditional stores. This would include any well known store brand that have a store that you can go in and scan, although between attempting to keep up with growing technology and the pandemic most places online options have grown. While it can include anything, these are mostly items you would traditionally expect to see on a registry.
• Online store and all-in-one registries. (Think Amazon or Zola) These kind of registries give you a lot more options in style choices or different unique items. It also keeps you from being in stuck in one "store". However, if you have people who are not computer savvy it can be difficult.
• Honeymoon registries. Instead of getting items, you can get money to help you out with paying for certain things. The money from these can go to paying for airfare, hotel stays, and different fun activities that guests can choose. Maybe you don’t need a new coffeemaker, or another set of dishes, but you have been dying to go snorkeling. You can choose that experience and the guest can enjoy your stories about the adventure they sent you on. The only downside is some people consider this asking for cash, something frowned upon, and many of these websites take a percentage of the gift itself.

Who should go with me?

• Who would you elect to redecorate your house? Not everyone has the same style, and the worse thing that could happen is you bring someone who tells you no, or that you’ll never use that, or they never needed it so why do you? You do want someone who can help edit your choices, keep you from scanning too much or too little, and someone who will be patient and tell you the truth.
• For example, if you would honestly never use that china appetizer plate but you are caught in the fun rush of scanning a good helper will ask (not tell) you if you will use that. They will allow you to pause and think you know what I never would, or yes actually I’ve always wanted to have fun dinner parties—and not force their personal choice on you.
• So except for your significant other you shouldn’t take more than 2 other people at the most. Remember you are building a home, it should mostly be focused on who is living there.

What if my significant other doesn’t want go?

• That is their personal decision which you should respect. However, that means if they want to have no input whatsoever, if you want to scan something they cannot have an opinion on it or tell you yes or no.
• There is the option that you could go scan and choose to scan a few extras, so they can have a choice of which one they like better (like 2 different coffeemakers, or dishes, or lamps) from the comfort of their own home since some people just hate stores.

What if my mother (or future-mother-in-law) want to go?

• That is totally fine! Again, just make sure that they aren’t creating their registry, that they let the focus be on you. Your parent can also be a great guide! But remember just because they have something (or don’t) doesn’t mean it should be the same for you.

How much should be on my registry?

• Brace yourself. You should have 1.5 items per every wedding invitation going out. So if you have 150 wedding invitations you should have 225 items on your registry. Why? It gives wiggle room for your guests. I've had many guests upset that they had nothing to shop for because the couple only registered for 20 items and the shower has 50 guests. There are also various price ranges that guests are comfortable with.

Speaking of price, should I pick out less expensive things?

• Yes, and no. You don’t want to shy away something that you like or need just because it is expensive, especially if you are compromising quality and you will have to replace it within a year or two. Likewise, you don’t want to only have pricy things on your registry.

• This breakdown shows how many items you should have in various price points. Keep a close eye on is the range between $25-100. That is the typical price point for most registry gifts for showers and weddings and are the categories that are the hardest to fill. Don’t sweat over finding things under $25, that category is usually the easiest to fill.
• In terms of $200 and above category, some people will either want to save up and spoil you or will go in together on one gift. Imagine having a budget of $200 to spend on someone and they had nothing over $30 on their list. Think of how many small items you would have to buy and wrap. No one wants to do that.

How can I ask for money?

• You just can’t. There is no way to politely ask for money (even those “cute” poems can come off as rude) in invitations or showers. It’s considered impolite to put your registry information on an invitation so a request for cash is an absolute no.

How is that different than asking for things?

• Yes, a registry is a list of things you want, but it is generally considered a list of things that would be nice to have, to keep the couple from getting 4 slow cookers, especially since you don’t put registry information on a wedding invite. A person can choose to get them something or not. Asking for money is less, money would be a great help in funding our life, and more give me money. It can rub people the wrong way.

But I really don’t need anything, so what should I do?

• The thing is, if people want to give you a physical gift they will give you a physical gift. If they want to give you a check, they will give you a check. The best course of action is to create a small registry, and let immediate family spread the word that you really don’t need much (this is considered politer then saying it in invites) This way if you get a gift it can still be something you want or need, but hopefully more people will get the idea.

Registry Resources and Options

• The Knot
• Bed Bath & Beyond
• Target
• Honeyfund
• Zola
• Williams Sonoma
• The Knot
• Amazon
• Macys
• The Good Beginning