What I Learned from Making a Million Things

It was in 2018 that I picked up a pair of scissors with trepidation and sliced into a piece of fabric. Now, this wasn’t the very first time I had done something like this before. When I was a child, I had done something similar to make a pillow, or some small project for part of a costume. But in 2018, I was a junior in college studying biology of all things, and I began a new hobby that would open up a world of creativity and challenges that would preoccupy all of my free time come present day.

That day in 2018, I was overcome with the desire to create a piece of clothing that I had dreamed about for years. I had scoured the internet and shops for years for this particular thing I wanted to make, but hadn’t found any success. (For clarity, it was a skirt, but really, the item itself wasn’t important.) I decided to make it myself after finding a sewing pattern that was identical to my dream skirt that I couldn’t find anywhere else. I was apprehensive, but confident in my abilities since I was a studious science major. If I could pass my calculus exams, why couldn’t I turn a silly piece of fabric into something else? With that thought in mind, I started working. And working. And working. And two weeks later, I had a finished product that wasn’t what I thought it would be. I didn’t actually know how to sew. What I had produced was a misshapen, ill-fitted skirt that was definitely unwearable. I was foolhardy and overconfident in myself when I knew nothing. I didn’t have any skills built up in this thing that I had underestimated the skill set required to achieve something wearable. But, even if I had underestimated the challenge I had set for myself, I now recognized it as a task I could work towards and since I was a STEM major, I could persevere. It took me six tries to make something wearable. And with each attempt, I made something slightly better than the last. My final attempt on this skirt wasn’t perfect by any means, but it was miles away from the first.

It’s been about three years since then. With time, I’ve been able to look back at that first skirt I succeeded at making and reflect upon not only that, but the failures I made before it. With each skirt I made, I was able to come to understand what the frustrations are that I felt, and how to handle them to move forward with new things I’ve made since that first skirt. This is because I have made so many more mistakes since and it took time to overcome each failed attempt. With each failure, I felt like I was being knocked down, and it tore me apart because I define my self worth out of my successes. It took me months to put down a failed garment versus a successful one where I could start a new one the very next day.

What I mean by this is that I have the problem of living by my successes and measuring my success in life, by how “good” I am at any given task. Seeing something being created and finished adds a checkmark to the imaginary scoreboard I keep in my head, endlessly tallying things tied to my self worth. This is a problem because this endless tally list will always get longer as I progress through life, but my self worth doesn’t automatically go up. That’s a bit too much scientific language even for me, especially since my major doesn’t count for anything for what I’m talking about. I’ve had to develop the ability to reflect on my thinking process to figure out that what I previously stated isn’t healthy. My successes and failures do not define me or anyone else as a person. Why should I fault myself if I make a mistake in my sewing if I wouldn’t fault anyone else? Mistakes happen and accepting these failures and learning to move on has pushed me to become a better maker and someone who appreciates the magic of creating.

Making is magical. Being able to make something with my hands, and turn it into something else, is a gift. It is the art of transfiguration and is something that brings me joy each time I sew together a successful garment. When I first started sewing, I thought the end result was all to be proud of, but looking at any of my finished garments, I can see the process it took to put that item together. With each project I complete, I gain so many precious experiences that teach me a new lesson each time. I look at each garment and see the magic holding it together that I created with each seam. And for that, I am grateful.

It is with gratitude that I am able to learn new skills and try new things. Last summer, I started a new project. I decided to make a pencil skirt. With the foundations I laid during my first project, I decided in order to make a successful pencil skirt, I would have to make more than one skirt to truly learn anything. So, my challenge was set. I made boundaries for myself so I didn’t become overwhelmed with my task ahead. I decided I would make three skirts to try to learn one new skill or technique with each garment. At the very least, if I failed along the way, I could practice each technique just a little bit more with each skirt, be it marking my darts more precisely, learning how to hand sew in an invisible zipper, or attach a lining just a little bit more neatly. It was important that I set small goals for myself so that I didn’t get too far ahead of myself, which was exactly what I learned from my first project. This time, all of my pencil skirts turned out well, unlike with my first project. And this pushed me forward to create more.

This led me to my next project. For this project, I wanted to learn how to create the perfect t-shirt. It was Christmas and I wanted to make my friends something with my own two hands, mainly because I am selfish and wanted to sew them something instead of buying them something. Before starting this project, I discovered a love for working with jersey, the stretchy fabric that makes up the coziest of t-shirts. This particular fabric is known by some sewists as being a difficult fabric to work with; however, by practicing and learning a few tricks along the way, it can be easy enough to handle. For this project, I focused on improving the dexterity of my skills so I would be able to create a variety of different styles of shirts so that each of my friends could have something that was uniquely their own. This was exciting to do because I could do things like adding different colors to the sleeves and necklines of these t-shirts to give them all fun styles, at least that was my favorite part anyway. While I was making these shirts, I didn’t really notice any improvements to my sewing. I made six of them by the way, double as many as I made pencil skirts, but the same as I made of my first project (six attempts that is). I felt as though my skills were at a standstill during this project, but I think that was a good thing, because it means that I didn’t have any complaints to give to myself. There was no little voice in my head saying that my hem line was crooked or that I could have sewn it a bit straighter. A light clicked on in my head. My shirts looked professionally done, and with this, I knew I could sew.

So what now? I know how to sew. I know how to make things or at least, I know what ropes to pull to get the knowledge to make things. What do I do with that information? For me, the answer is to keep making more things and keep improving. Do you want to know what my current project is? I’ve started another big project of potential successes. I’ve decided to make a million pairs of underwear. It’s what a crafty person might call a scrap busting project. Something that uses a small amount of fabric, or simply leftovers, to make something with what you already have. Okay, so this might sound crazy, but I’ve recently been on an internet research spree, and I’ve downloaded as many free underwear sewing patterns as I can find and I’m going to try to make all of them. Wow. I mean, seriously, who would want to do that? The internet is huge and you bet there are over fifty free sewing patterns for this.

For this project, I have two new goals. I want to be kind to myself, and enjoy the process. For this project, I don’t want to worry about what the results will be. I’ve made lots of things these past three years. And I don’t want to have to worry about if my makes are going to be perfect. I’ve learned how to make something wearable, so I don’t need to hurry through the creation process to attain the joy of the completed work. I started sewing so that I could do that, but I continued sewing because I liked the meditation of the making part.

As I stated earlier, making things is magic. I have been very productive with my making process. I always set tough challenges for myself because I believe in myself, even if the current me finds the challenge near impossible. I will say that these challenges can make me feel overwhelmed when I fail, however, I’ve been able to learn how to separate my thoughts of failures from my self worth. Knowing that I can keep going and try again rids that burden from my shoulders. That is to say, don’t mind me, I’m off to cut out another undies pattern, because I’ve got quite a few more to go.