The Power of Vulnerability

Several years ago, I was contacted by an event planner who faced a dilemma in describing me for a speaking engagement. She was unsure whether to label me as a researcher or a storyteller. Concerned that calling me a researcher might be perceived as boring and irrelevant, she considered branding me as a storyteller because of my engaging presentation style.

Initially resistant to being labeled a storyteller, as it seemed far from the academic image I had cultivated, I eventually embraced the term, recognizing that storytelling was integral to my work as a qualitative researcher collecting stories.

Today, I want to share with you a transformative journey rooted in my research, a journey that reshaped how I perceive and navigate life, love, work, and parenting. It all began during my early years as a doctoral student when a research professor asserted, "If you cannot measure it, it does not exist." This perspective clashed with my background in social work, where the ethos was to embrace life's messiness.

Despite my initial excitement about delving into messy topics, I soon encountered an unnamed force unraveling connection in ways I had never witnessed before. That force turned out to be shame, the fear of disconnection based on the belief that some aspect of oneself renders them unworthy of connection.

My research into shame led me to a crucial realization: vulnerability is at the core of our ability to connect, love, and belong. Initially resistant to embracing vulnerability, I embarked on a journey to understand it, thinking I could deconstruct it and outsmart it. Little did I know that vulnerability was not something to be conquered but an essential element of a fulfilling life.

Over the course of six years, with thousands of stories, interviews, and data points, I discovered a commonality among those who lived with a strong sense of love and belonging—they believed they were worthy of it. This worthiness, I found, was rooted in the courage to be imperfect, the compassion to be kind to oneself and others, and the willingness to embrace vulnerability and authenticity.

However, in our attempts to shield ourselves from vulnerability, we engage in numbing behaviors—addiction, overeating, and excessive medication. This numbing not only dampens the negative emotions but also robs us of the positive ones—joy, gratitude, and happiness.

We also seek certainty in an uncertain world, gravitating toward ideologies that offer clear-cut answers. This desire for certainty permeates politics, eroding discourse and fostering blame. Additionally, our perfectionist tendencies extend to our children, hindering their resilience by shielding them from struggle.

To break this cycle, I propose a shift in perspective—one that acknowledges vulnerability as an essential aspect of being alive. By embracing vulnerability, practicing gratitude in moments of terror, and believing that we are enough, we create a foundation for authentic connections, kindness to others, and self-compassion.

In conclusion, my journey from resisting the label of storyteller to embracing vulnerability has not only transformed my research but has fundamentally changed how I approach life and human connection. Vulnerability, far from being a weakness, is the key to unlocking the profound beauty of our shared human experience.