How to Deal With a Breakup: Valuable Tips You Must Know to Put Yourself Back in Control and Win

Dealing with a breakup can be tough. The person with whom you shared moments of togetherness is no longer present in your experience. You find it hard to believe that it is all over. What remains are memories. However, those that keep playing in your mind are not the pleasant ones.

How do you handle this difficult or rather "different" situation?

For a moment imagine that you are an expert gymnast. You can just do any kind of feat. Be it somersaults, triple jumps, etc. You are pretty good it. However, on a particular day, you've a bad cold along with running temperature. So, in this condition would you be able to perform any gymnastic feat? Perhaps you can. However, the chances of missing the mark are greater. Also, you might risk injuries as well.

So what would you do? Obviously you would focus on getting well. Take rest. Get treatment. And that's the right choice because you know that being fit is so important to churn out great performances.

Now, how is this getting tied up to dealing with a breakup?

Breakup can cause a lot of distress. It can be a challenge to take "right" decisions especially when you are being weighed down by emotions such as anger, regret, helplessness, etc. Importantly, accepting your breakup which is one of the "right" decisions to make can be so very tough! But it needs to happen.

Accepting the breakup? Why this is important.

Let's go back to the gymnast story.

When you discovered that you had cold and temperature you decided to take remedial action. But, prior to that you did an important process. You accepted that you were unwell. A very powerful step. Then you took actions.

When you accept the situation there is no struggle and thus no suffering. You are now in a most resourceful state to take actions, make new decisions, etc.

Please note that accepting the situation doesn't mean defeat or giving up. All you are doing is acknowledging your current situation and importantly taking responsibility.

It's like, "OK, I have cold, little temperature, and I need to get well and then perform. So I accept this situation. At this point of time I won't be able to take part in the sport. But very soon I will bounce back.

Furthermore why you will stand to benefit

During the break-up situation most of us will have a tendency to make interpretations about ourselves, people and the situation in general.

E.g. "Why this happens to me?"

"I must not be good enough"

"I can't trust anybody"

If certain thoughts such as above keep playing in mind then it will be very difficult deal with the situation powerfully. What follows is struggle, suffering, and some people would describe this is a "stuck" or "hopeless situation.

What if you just accepted the situation? You tell yourself. "Yeah, break-up is meant be uncomfortable. Just like cold or flu. I will get over it. And this is just a situation and situation can be changed"

Now, how is it that I can go about accepting the breakup?

Get Calmer.

Get calmer. Work on feeling better.

Are you kidding me? How can I get calmer when you are being sucker punched by a tirade of emotions?

It may seem tough, however, if you can align consistently with this choice (of getting calmer), you can do it. Also, there are effective and easy methods that help you achieve this. The bottom line is to stay laser focused on getting calmer.

During this period it's OK to talk to friends who empower you in a positive way. Their listening can provide you a safe outlet for your emotions. This can really help.

The other important steps...

Don't call your Ex for next 2-3 weeks

It can be very difficult to resist the urge, especially if you still have some fond feelings tucked in one corner of your mind. Just don't.

Why you shouldn't call your Ex?

Let's revisit the gymnast story. In a physical discomfort, you still can perform however there are chances that you will miss the mark or risk injuries. Thus, complicating the situation.

When you call your ex amidst the tornado of difficult feelings/emotions, chances are that it might not be productive. What if you couldn't express yourself properly? Or you lost your cool, or your ex might interpret you as weak minded or desperate?

Just get calmer. Feel better. In feeling better you can be receptive to resourceful thoughts/ideas.

Introspect. Extract learning.

Sports-persons always do it. Learning from their previous games (or mistakes) gives them valuable inputs to perform even better.

Ask yourself? What is it I could have done differently? What was the trigger point of the breakup? Was I too possessive? Was there a lack of communication? Was I authentic in my feelings towards my mate?

No matter what your findings are, don't blame yourself or indulge in guilt. Rather be glad and feel the triumph. You are going to use these inputs to move to the next level of power.

Importantly get a life- Do stuff that makes you feel good

A happy and calm mind can achieve great results. Be it sports, painting, running a corporation, or addressing a breakup.

You can get happy little by little. Try doing stuff you enjoy. May be you want to hit the gym, or visit a new place, catch up with friends, or read an amazing novel, meditate. Just do anything that is healthy for your mind and body.

You can add the element of happiness little by little. Remember little drops of water create rivers and oceans.

When you fill your mind with happy patterns, negative thoughts lose the steam. That's the trick.

Feeling better enables you to focus well. Focus is so important in creating just anything.

Give yourself a window period of 2-3 weeks and try out the steps. During this period if you're bothered by negative feelings then remember, they don't define you in any way. They are just feelings and are situational. And you hold the power to change any situation.

Its all about learning, re-inventing yourself, claiming your power and creating your joy

Breakup is not an end game. At times you don't have any control over certain situations. But how you deal with it matters the most. Situations don't create your future. Your present choices do. You can allow yourself to use this event as a jump-off place to move to something better. That would be a new powerful version of you.

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