How To Act Like A Grown-Up

Even if you don't feel like one.

By Erin KingPublished 2 years ago • 5 min read

Image by author via Canva

You're an adult, right?

You can dress and feed yourself, hold a fork, and tie your shoes. You have a job, buy alcohol, and don't have to ask permission to go out at night. So, in theory, you should be good to go.

But for many, it's not that easy.

Growing up is hard and scary and not just for children.

Many adults, young and old, face the world feeling ill-equipped and adrift once left to fend for themselves. Many of us drift this way for years.

I was no different.

My 20's and early 30's were brutal, and I was an out-of-control mess who couldn't say no to a drink as I stumbled through life, trying desperately to get a handle on what it meant to be grown up.

Over the years, as I struggled, I began to form better habits.

I learned to embrace maturity one practice at a time as I did. Eventually, I got to a place where I wasn't just surviving but thriving as a fully functioning adult.

The good news is the things that make some people more "adult" than others are no secret, and they're just behaviors you can learn and practice.

If you practice these behaviors, they will become habits. One day, you'll suddenly realize that you are functioning as an adult without even thinking about it.

It may not be a direct route, as there may be reasons you haven't embraced these habits already.

You may need to do some emotional work on yourself, but getting started and committing to these guidelines will allow you to fake it until you make it.

So if you think you could use some help in this area, look at this list and see if you can spot something you could work on. Once you master these, other things will follow, and suddenly you'll find yourself adulting without even thinking about it, so don't despair, I've got your back.

Here are five ways to become instantly better at adulting:

Be on time.

If you say you're going to meet someone at 7:00, show up at 7:00, maybe 6:55, but not 7:01, 7:02, or anything after that.

Making people wait is selfish and childish. Toddlers think the world revolves around them, and they see themselves as the center of everything. It may signal immaturity when you show you haven't grown out of this.

People may subconsciously see you as a child if you are continually late and withhold the respect you deserve.

Grown-ups know what time something starts and show up on time.

Follow through.

If you want to adult, you must follow through.

Think about how you feel if that friend who says they're going to help you move doesn't show up. You lose a bit of respect for them, and the next time they say they'll do something with you, you don't really believe them.

If you were on a sinking ship, would you rather be with the guy you know will bring you back a life jacket or the guy who says he'll be right back but then forgets you and leaves you to go down with the ship?

Eventually, people will start blowing you off if you don't follow through because they know they can't count on you. A grown-up knows the importance of following through and always keeps their word.

Keep your cool.

This is something I struggled with in my 20's. I had anger issues, which caused power struggles with my bosses. I thought I was sticking up for myself, but I was a loose cannon to everybody else.

I was passed up for many promotions that I was qualified for and never made it into the inner circle anywhere I worked.

People didn't feel safe around me. I had to do a lot of work to get it under control and tame the beast. Part of becoming an adult is learning to tame those impulses and get a handle on your anger.

Stay sober.

This is a tricky one. When you're young, you like to go out, especially because some people have jobs where socializing is a part of what they do. Even if you "party" every night, that doesn't mean you have to get ripped every time.

I used to bartend, an occupation that's half-job half-party, so I understand the temptation all too well.

Keeping yourself under control in this age of digital immortality is critical. If you post your exploits on social media, this might show that you don't have the foresight to think about your future. But caring about the future is an adult thing to do.

So be a grown-up and don't party so much, and absolutely don't post your exploits on Social Media.

Overcome your social fears - even a little bit.

This is tough, and I understand just how tough it can be. I hate socializing, and small talk exhausts me. I'm an introvert, empath, loner, and I always have been.

Try to learn to work a room in your own way.

Being a grown-up means learning to advocate for yourself. Doing this is essential now because you are your own spokesperson. Someday, if you have a child, you will need to advocate for them regularly.

Being the adult in the room means reaching out and making social connections, communicating, and overcoming shyness.

It's not just about communicating your own needs, though, it's also about hearing what others are saying.

Growing up means listening as well, and not just the kind where you are waiting for the other person to stop talking so you can start. It means really taking in what the other person is saying.

Try to create your own brand of communication, something that works for you and those around you. Do this by forcing yourself out of your comfort zone little by little and learning some new skills. Employing active listening is a great way to take the pressure off and make whoever you're interacting with feel validated.

Active listening is a great technique. People find it refreshing and endearing when someone really listens.

Also, don't compare yourself to that sales guy shaking hands and making finger guns. He's not adulting - he's overcompensating.

Find your own groove, project your self-worth, and turn your weakness into a strength. It will really come across like you have your act together if you do this.