Help for Men Caring for Wives with Alzheimer's Disease- 6 Best Personal Hygiene and Intimate ClothingTips

No one expects to be thrust into a caregiving role, especially men. I’m not being sexist here. It’s just a fact of life that most caregiving duties fall to women. However, in the case of Alzheimer’s Disease, so many of you men are bewildered and confused when you suddenly find yourselves caregivers for your Alzheimer afflicted wives – the wives who not only handled most of the cooking, cleaning, appointment scheduling, and household organization but showed up perfectly well-groomed when the two of you stepped out for an evening of entertainment or socializing.

I will give credit to many of you and say that you may have helped with household chores, but I will bet my last dollar that none of you EVER gave any thought as to what it took to make your wives look so beautiful when the occasion called for it. Although I am sure you loved and appreciated her appearance, it never crossed your mind how she got that way. Until Alzheimer’s Disease took hold of her. Suddenly, you look up and see an unkempt stranger with straggly, dirty hair, mismatched clothes, grungy, long fingernails, and strange hairs coming out of her chin. If she has advanced so far into the disease that personal hygiene is an issue, chances are good that she cannot dress herself either, and you are knee-deep in clothing and hygiene confusion. Fear not, brave caregiving men. I have come to your rescue. Below is a list of tips to help you navigate through your new role as a caregiving spouse to your Alzheimer afflicted wife:

#1. Pantyhose -DITCH THEM! They are difficult even for women to get on themselves without a struggle. Someone (most likely a woman) invented a wonderful substitute called "KNEE HIGHS". They are half stockings that slip on easily like socks, look great in all types of shoes, and can be worn under slacks or with a longer skirt. They are inexpensive and can be found in Walmart or any drugstore. And as with everything in the universe – Amazon.

#2. Bras - Be honest. It was your job to get those luscious boobs OUT of her bra, not figure out how to get them properly situated INTO a bra. Department stores and specialty stores such as Lady Grace will measure your wife and tutor you in the intricacies of dropping the boobs into the cups, then fastening the back hooks. However, in this era of COVID, in-person assistance may be difficult to find, so call first to check if this service is available. Even it is available, as we know all too well, she may be combative and uncooperative in allowing a stranger to undress her. If she is not agreeable to that, a sports bra is your next option. Simple, easy, and comfortable, they slip right over the head with no hooks to fasten. If she has gained a bit of weight, Bra Extenders for regular bras are a good idea. They are sections of elastic with hooks that grab onto the bra hooks. You don’t have to drive anywhere. You can do all of your shopping on the Walmart, Target, and Amazon websites.

#3. Panties - Sorry guys, but the days of bikini lace panties for your lady are in the past. Practical, full coverage cotton panties are the best. They can be purchased online at Hanes, Walmart, and of course, Amazon. If she is plus size, try looking online at Roaman’s, Women Within, or JMS (Just My Size by Hanes, but this brand tends to run small.) If incontinence is an issue, Depends or any generic brand of adult diapers is a must.

#4. Manicures and Pedicures -One day you look at your wife's fingernails and toenails and realize that not only have they grown to be lethal weapons, but dirty ones at that. I am not suggesting that this will be easy, but IF she is willing, before you spend a day's pay on a professional manicure and pedicure, you can keep it simple by washing her fingernails and toenails while you are showering/bathing her, and cutting them immediately afterward. Nails are the softest and easiest to cut after they have been soaked with water. You can purchase manicure scissors (notice the slight curve of cutting edge) at any drugstore’s website or Amazon. You will also need an Emory board (think of it as sandpaper for nails) to smooth out rough edges. If all of this sounds scary and foreign, and she puts up a fuss, a monthly, although pricey, trip to a nail salon is a good investment. Let the professionals handle it, but be sure to warn them of the Alzheimer's Disease ahead of time. If they are caring and accommodating, go for it. If you are looking for absolute basic, a podiatrist will cut her toenails, but not shape them and clean up the cuticles. If none of these ideas work out, try asking a female relative with whom your wife is comfortable to help with these tasks.

#5.Facial Hair - Alzheimer’s Disease and normal aging change everything, including this little secret you men were not supposed to find out about. Postmenopausal hormonal changes cause unwanted hair to grow above the lips (mustache) and under and around the chin area (beard). Waxing and depilatory creams are the best solutions. Waxing CAN be done at home, but it is best to bring your wife to a salon for professional treatment, although I honestly doubt that she will cooperate. You can buy depilatory creams (Nair is one) in any drugstore. They have to stay on awhile (15 minutes) after application, so your wife may not cooperate with that either. Shaving is not recommended for obvious safety reasons, but if all else fails.........you may be stuck with that solution. If you go that route, PLEASE use the pink razors made for women, or better yet, a woman’s electric razor. DO NOT use your own razor! It is much too sharp for a woman's delicate skin. If she is still uncooperative, as may well be the case, you’re going to have to live with the hair.

AND FINALLY..........................

#6. ASK FOR HELP. If you don’t know how to do something related to female hygiene and intimate clothing, ask another woman. We have secrets and are willing to share them with harried, overworked, confused male caregivers.

NOTICE: This is an updated, revised version of a blog I wrote on my Alzheimer Website (www.thealzheimerspouse.com) during my caregiving days for my husband. Most of the men who wrote on my website’s message boards were over their heads and overwhelmed with caring for their wives' personal hygiene and intimate clothing needs, so with input from women caregivers, I compiled this list of helpful hints for men caring for their wives with Alzheimer’s Disease: