COMMON DATING MISTAKES

COMMON DATING MISTAKES

The wild world of dating can be difficult to navigate. After all, there are no guidelines on how to attract someone. But just because there aren't strict rules about what you should do when you're dating doesn't mean there aren't things you should avoid doing in the dating scene. In fact, there are many common dating mistakes that most people make. To help you be in the minority, we spoke with relationship coaches, therapists, matchmakers, and other dating experts to determine the do's and don'ts of playing the dating game.

YOU'RE DATING WITH NO GOALS IN MIND.

Without a goal or intention, many people have the bad habit of passively dating, says Kari Tumminia, MA, author of No Bad Dates Relationship Coach. It simply means waiting for the next person to show enough interest, then reacting to whatever they have to offer, like you're "testing for a soulmate". Instead, spend time writing a description of your ideal relationship. what it looks like, so you can use it to determine which future partners or dates fit that idea and which don't.

“Dating with a clear purpose and purpose relieves us of the stress of deciding which potential partner to spend a lot of time and energy on, which helps us clarify why,” says Tumminia. I'm dating again." "Knowing why we're dating eliminates confusion, keeps us from hanging out with people we don't like for too long, and pushes us to find good partners faster."


FOCUS ON DATING ONE PERSON AT A TIME OR FOCUS ON DATING TOO MANY PEOPLE

If you're not in an exclusive relationship, there's no reason to focus all of your energy on one person, especially if they're not just focused on you. People often forget that "dating and falling in love are not the same". Active dating is "meeting, experiencing, and ultimately getting to know new people to pursue a relationship," she says. Not only that, but dating multiple people at the same time also helps you avoid “getting too attached to one person too soon” and gives you the opportunity to meet people in a variety of situations before settling down with just one.

On the other hand, dating too many people can also cause problems. involving too many people can often make it hard to feel "satisfied with one person".

He said: “One person can be the best cook, another is extremely good at housework, another has an unparalleled sense of humour, and another is a great sex partner. “None of these people are perfect, and none of them please you as much as you would like, but their distinctive traits will be etched in your brain.”

YOU TEXT TOO MUCH BETWEEN DATES.

A lot of people hurt their relationship in the first place by texting too much between dates. "Excessive texting between dates leaves you with less to talk about when you're seeing each other. So keep texting casually and short, just enough to show you care. , but not so much as to cut off the conversation afterward." he says. “Unfortunately, people who are shy or have social anxiety will use texting as an alternative to face-to-face meetings. But it rarely establishes the same level of connection as face-to-face discussions. is a sticky text, you can accidentally choke and strangle your date *or accidentally crush it. People generally dislike being strangled, especially when dealing with a needy or clingy person. We understand that you are so enamored with them that it may be difficult for you to control how often you text and what you send them. This is especially true if you're just starting – you'll scare them off and they'll never want to see you again! If he's your lover, he might feel stifled in the relationship if he thinks you're texting him too much. So it's essential to slow down if you're wondering, Am I texting too much? Internal issues are most likely to cause attachment, but it can also be because you fall in love with someone too quickly *and they don't love you much yet*. This is a bad habit that can ruin all your current and future relationships if you don't do something about it. It can even sabotage your chances of dating someone you like!

YOU RELY TOO MUCH ON DATING APPS.

Nowadays, it is normal to find a partner through dating apps, but if you are too dependent on dating apps, you will tend to turn dating and relationships into a "thing". "WOMANIZE" rather than "humanize" the partner-finding process. "Popular behaviors like ghosting and unwanted nudity are a direct result of these apps. They have dramatically changed dating culture," she said. "I understand why they're so widely used; dating apps are on the chase, and everyone knows why they're on apps. However, the convenience of dating apps is there. This is not a motivating factor for their use. Their negative qualities far outweigh their positive traits.


BECAUSE YOU DON'T WANT TO BE ALONE, YOU'RE DATING.

It's admirable to want a connection, but when you start forcing partnerships because you believe you should or because you find it uncomfortable to travel alone, it becomes problematic.

"Any authority you may have in the dating scene is taken away by the term "need." You surrender your control each time you look for love with the intention of finding a companion to "fill a doughnut hole." We both lose, "says therapist and relationship specialist Audrey Hope. "Anyone who finds real love must do so on his own," the saying goes.

YOU ALWAYS THINKING POORLY OF YOURSELF.

If you always focus on the bad when you look in the mirror, it will be impossible to make a place for a positive connection. Hope claims that whenever you have low self-esteem or negative self-talk, such as "I'm too old" or "I'm too fat" the person you are dating benefits. You start to think of this person as "too good for you," which creates an unhealthy connection and elevates your spouse above your reach.

YOU STILL HAVE EMOTIONAL BAGGAGE FROM YOUR LAST RELATIONSHIPS.

If you're a serial monogamist who never gives yourself the space to process the hurt or problems that result from a breakup, you're setting the stage for future relationships to have a shaky foundation.


Before you bring your scars into the new one, be sure you are healed and have let go of the baggage from your previous love, advises Hope. Visit a therapist or relationship coach to identify your patterns and themes for what hurts, what is still on your mind, and where you are susceptible.

YOU MAY ALSO DRAW COMPARISONS BETWEEN EVERYONE AND YOUR EX.

It's normal to compare everyone to your previous flame, whether consciously or unconsciously, particularly if you still feel an emotional tie to them. But rather than "placing them into comparison with someone else," it is preferable to view every new person you meet as a "unique individual" and learn to "appreciate them for their traits."

By posing inquiries to yourself, you can quickly achieve this mental shift "Am I content with this individual? What about this individual do I like the most?" in place of, "How does this measure up to what my ex-partner did? Has it improved or worsened?"


YOU BELIEVE THAT YOU CAN ALTER SOMEONE.

Despite frequently hearing "that they can't change others," many nonetheless hold out hope and optimism that they are the exception.

Realize that, more often than not, when someone is getting to know you in the dating scene, they are putting their best foot forward, advises Davis. "Therefore, it's crucial to accept them for who they are and to expect that all of their positive and negative aspects will continue to exist. The second decision to be made is whether you can realistically live with those negative characteristics or if they are a deal-breaker."


YOU DON'T EXPRESS YOUR EMOTIONS HONESTLY.

Many people act as if the person they're into will figure it out based on cues they think they're sending, rather than letting their genuine sentiments be known. Of course, it's unsettling to acknowledge affection for someone whose feelings you're unsure of. But if you think they can read your mind, you run the risk of permanently losing that individual. Not being open about your feelings is a very typical dating blunder, according to Davis, whether it's out of "pride, embarrassment, or shyness."
Davis advises that you "start letting people know how [you] feel and not hope they would figure it out magically" if you want to be successful in the dating world.


YOUR ATTENTION IS OVERLY DRAWN TO WHAT YOU BELIEVE THE OTHER PERSON DESIRES.

Many people who are starting a new relationship focus excessively on what the other person wants out of fear of ruining things. We believe that there is something wrong with us, that we are "not enough," or that we lack something that others are seeking. According to professional psychotherapist Kathryn Ely, host of the Imperfect Thriving podcast, this makes us want to demonstrate to people that we are deserving of their attention and that we are sufficient. Instead, we should first concentrate on what we value and what we desire in a relationship when we are dating. When we enter a situation with this knowledge, we establish clear, healthy boundaries and open lines of communication. This serves as a solid basis for every partnership.

YOU PERMIT CONVERSATIONS TO BECOME OVERLY BIASED.

Making a great first impression is everyone's goal when meeting someone new. Sander warns against being "too self-focused" or "talking too much about yourself," nevertheless. The converse, of course, isn't much better. You risk coming across as an interrogator if you solely ask your date questions and offer no personal information.

According to studies, 'back-and-forth dialogues' are the most effective exchanges,' adds Sander. We ask a question, get a response, then talk about ourselves before asking another question about the other person, and so on.

YOU FOCUS ON WHAT'S INCORRECT RATHER THAN WHAT'S CORRECT.

According to certified dating and relationship coach Jenna Ponaman, dating in the contemporary world is frequently focused on attempting not to waste someone's time. As a result, many people make an effort to connect with others by asking a series of questions to rapidly determine whether or not they have potential. Ponaman, however, asserts that doing this immediately creates a barrier between you and that person since you are more concerned with "finding what is wrong" with them than you are with finding ways to truly connect with them.

YOU ATTEMPT TO HASTEN A MEANINGFUL CONNECTION.

By seeking to connect through pain spots early in dating, many people will attempt to hasten the development of a "deeper vulnerable connection" with a potential romantic partner. For instance, she explains, "people frequently chat about their ex-partners on a first or second date, which is a big no-no." "On a first date, mutual respect and trust have not yet been established, so this is the time to put your best self forward while still being yourself. Instead of building a relationship on suffering and complacency, you should establish it on your strengths and the characteristics that define you."

YOU SPEAK PREMATURELY ABOUT THE FUTURE.

The quickest way to break up a relationship before it even starts, according to relationship expert and licensed wellness coach D. Ivan Young, PCC, is to be clingy on a date. "One goal of dating is to discover your likes and dislikes through interaction with another individual. You shouldn't express your deepest feelings at this time, nor should you assume the worst of another individual. The best course of action is to just enjoy meeting potential excellent friends—or a future partner—while being fully present in the time."


YOU COME ACROSS AS TOO NEEDY.

Everyone wants to feel needed, but you don't want to come across as too needy or clingy towards the person you're seeing. recognizing signs that you're being too needy—you're always texting them first, you're checking out their social media, you're only making time for them, etc.

There are ups and downs to neediness. The occasional need can strengthen your connection by serving as a reminder to your partner of how precious they are to you. But an unhealthy urge can cause tension and jealousy. Additionally, it could make you feel like you've lost who you are and suffocate your relationship.

YOU ACT DIFFERENTLY FROM WHO YOU ARE.

You frequently want to present your best self when you are attracted to someone. However, there is a thin line between acting that way and lying about who you are. And The Relationship Place's founder, Diana McNeil, MA, LMFT, claims that being untruthful may make you appear more unattractive to others. Indeed, according to McNeil, "meeting someone who is willing to own who they are and what they are looking for in a relationship is attractive."

The person you're seeing may break up with you if they learn that you have no ambitions or values of your own and are merely doing what they say and desire.

Just because you learn that your new boyfriend is a snowboard enthusiast doesn't mean you should pretend to be thrilled with the sport when you despise the cold. And don't pretend to be a record collector when you're more of a pop enthusiast only to appease your future mate. Having different hobbies and preferences can strengthen a relationship.

YOU'RE LOOKING FOR A BEST FRIEND, NOT A PARTNER.

Contrary to what you may have heard, you should not be "searching for a best friend as a significant other." Because "there are no sparks," this poses one of the largest problems later on in a relationship or even a marriage. Your partner should be a friend, but the relationship shouldn't be built solely on that friendship.

There is no question that you are prepared to begin a relationship with your best friend if they are in love with you and you share your feelings for them. Being in a relationship with your closest friend is like basking in the warm sun.

However, "It might turn out to be the ideal idea as both of you would be familiar with how to settle arguments. You are aware of one another's advantages and disadvantages. A strong friendship between the two spouses is necessary for a happy partnership. Your relationship will be filled with a lot of love and passion, trust, and respect because you are already best friends.


YOU CONFLATE CHEMISTRY WITH PASSION,

Growing up in a conservative community has the drawback that it's almost a given that you'll eventually mix lust with love. That you'll convince yourself that it's love since that's what you should desire. You shouldn't accept that lust as your lot in life. You should only be motivated by that love.

Most people mistake chemistry for lust and don't give potential sparks the time they need to develop. But as you get to know someone more, chemistry might develop.

"Lust is an attraction thing, and chemistry is a gradual burn," "You might be missing out if you never go on a second date because you lack the attraction aspect."

YOU ISOLATE EVERYONE ELSE FROM YOUR LIFE.

People "no longer leave room for friends, family, or former activities" after entering a new relationship because they are so invested in it. For the sake of a significant person, it is disastrous to lose sight of who you are or what you enjoy doing. According to Cruz, this is particularly difficult if there are any issues in the relationship or you have a breakup because you then have a "harder time adjusting" and must rediscover your identity.

YOU IGNORE RED FLAGS.

If you start to notice characteristics of a person you're dating that you don't like when you first start dating them, don't push them aside just because this person seems to "check all of your boxes" because many people tend to ignore obvious red flags, like "always taking a rain check on plans" or "not being ready to settle down."

However, there is one common error daters frequently commit, and that is failing to spot the warning signs that something is wrong. For a variety of reasons, we choose to disregard the warning signs that, if heeded, may save us a great deal of time and misery.

Even while a relationship is a unique and precious thing, you cannot let it rule your life. You must fight the impulse to become too exposed too soon. While it's crucial to always be open and truthful about your feelings, it's also crucial to safeguard your safety and be on the lookout for warning signs.