Beware

Beware.

This is your official warning.

Pay attention, take notes. The information included below could greatly affect the next few months of your life. If you ignore this advice, it could lead to devastation -- your home, your family will all be affected. If you use this advice and stick to it, you might just save yourself from imminent destruction.

The Ants are upon us.

They are crawling all over our counters, into our sink, across our floors. They will find any little crumb we missed. That tiny piece of cracker, that tiny grain of sugar. Even if we can’t see it, they will find it. It is yet early in the season; they shall only get worse from here on out. We might think that seeing one is not the end of the world, but there will be more. There are always more. We must prepare ourselves, strike them down as they come, and stop them from taking over.

The Ants have take over before.

Last year they swarmed in unimaginable numbers. Every single day we killed fifty to sixty ants, if not more. Last year we were not prepared for the attacks. We were not aware of their strengths, their weaknesses. By the time we realized there was a problem, hundreds had already invaded, crawling around the floor, the kitchen counters. Once we were aware of their track, from the bathroom to the kitchen and back, it was too late. We spent weeks putting out bait stations, vacuuming once a day, cleaning the counters twice a day.

The Ants are smart.

When we thought we had defeated them completely, we left banana bread on the counter overnight, only covered in plastic wrap.The next morning we had to throw the bread out: it was infested with dozens of their black little writhing bodies. They had lain low, waiting for our weak moment to attack. Their returned stronger than ever before, forcing us to play a losing game of defense.

What can we do to protect ourselves from the Ants?

It is better play offense, starting preparations before they strike. But our defense must be impenetrable as well. We need to wash our dishes immediately. The Ants love the sink and the dirty dishes inside. We must clean out the sink itself. No food can be left behind. We must wipe down the counters after we cook, or even gather a snack. Crumbs that escape under the microwave are one of our biggest weaknesses. Do not forget about them.

If we see Ants…

DO NOT PANIC. They might appear in concerning quantities, but we must remain calm. Crying, screaming does no good here. If we see Ants on the counter, retrieve the vinegar and wipe everything down. The vinegar is strong enough to kill the tiny Ants, and it erases the trail they have made from their home to their food sources. It smells; yes, but we must persist if we want to prevail.

The Ants are almost impossible to see on the carpet. If you see a questionable black spot on the floor (it might just look like lint), we must not, I repeat MUST NOT, try to pick it up. We must examine it closely because the Ants tricked us last year. When we tried to pick them up, not knowing what they were, they surged by the dozens, climbing up our arms and spreading further across the floor. Have the vacuum at ready for these trying times because they will come.

The Ants are upon us.

Now is not our time to run; it is our time to fight. Now, we may only be finding a dozen a day, but, before long, they will attack in swarms. To prepare for war, we must arm ourselves with bait stations, with vinegar, with patience. Cleaning will be our number one priority in the weeks to come because slacking could mean an infestation.

Stay alert. Stay strong. And good luck.