Writing threads my needle

To literally thread a needle is exactly what the words imply as you are pushing a piece of string/thread through the hole or eye of a needle. In the old days, this was the way women sewed hems in garments when not using an actual sewing machine. The words threading a needle also have a symbolic meaning which is skillfully navigating a rough situation or being precise and accurate during a shot while playing pool or billiards. Threading the needle can also mean a specific manner in which you deal with the stresses of life and for me, that method is writing.

From the time I was 12 years old, I realized that I enjoyed putting my thoughts on paper. A good friend and I used to write stories about horses and share them with each other during our 7th-grade history class. Whenever I wrote my feelings down it was as if I were transformed into another dimension, similar to reading a good book or becoming engrossed in a movie and wondering where the time went when it was over. In my freshman year of high school at age 14 I began writing in a diary. This activity distracted me and got my mind off of being teased and picked on in school.

I found that I was relaxed as the words flowed from my brain through the pen onto the pages and this was my saving grace. I had boys who were penpals that lived in other states and I wrote long letters to them. I also wrote to a guy who lived in a town about 40 miles away and went to another high school. He told me he admired what I wrote to him and I did not realize at that age what my writing skills indicated. All I knew was that I felt peaceful each time pen and paper were in my hands and that words just seemed to flow through me to the paper of a notebook, or actually diary with great ease.

At age 18 however, I had a traumatic experience that almost derailed my writing abilities. It was shortly after I met the man that I would marry that I found out that my grandma was reading my diary. She was trying to find out if I were sexually active and I felt violated. I was so distraught that I destroyed the thoughts and feelings I had shared on paper for 4 years. We lived in the county and across the field from our home was a place where we lit fires to burn unwanted items. I took my notebooks, composition books, and actual diaries that I had filled up from 9th grade until beginning college and burned them.

I felt so abused and ashamed that at age 18 my privacy was violated that I cried for hours and vowed to never write again. Years later I tried writing stories using a typewriter but it was too difficult. I did write some poetry that was published but typing added to my anxiety instead of relieving it. Decades later the Internet truly became my friend and I began writing online. Sharing my personal journey as well as providing information on various subjects has been an amazing way to release stress.

Putting my thoughts into poems is an especially helpful tool when it comes to relaxing. Sometimes I will find that I have become so involved in writing a story that it's as if time stood still. If there are no phone calls or knocks at the door I can write for 2 or 3 hours uninterrupted. There are times when I check my blood pressure before and after writing and depending on the subject matter my numbers are usually much lower once I complete an article or poem.

I know that I am a naturally born writer and was definitely created for the Internet age. I had a hard time with typing classes in high school and also college. My laptop and my cell phone are now my new best friends. Whatever time of day or night an idea comes to me I can begin a story and save it to work on later. Sometimes I can write 2 or 3 articles in a row without missing a beat.

Most of the time, but not always I get this really relaxed feeling and know I am in my personal zone. I feel calm and peaceful and in those moments I am certain this is what I was born to do. I believe each of us has been gifted with creativity that we should tap into and have personal methods that thread our needle so to speak. My great-grandmother showed me how to thread an actual needle when I was a young girl. The goal is to get a thread of string to go through the hole or the needle's eye so that you can sew.

This can be tedious and frustrating and rarely done on the first try. Once that string goes through, however, it's "bullseye" and I always feel such a sense of relief and accomplishment. My fingers are the string of thread and the computer or cell phone keys are the eye of the needle. Each time I complete an article and hit the send button is when I symbolically shout "bullseye."

The entire process is what brings me joy, lowers my BP, and lets me know that my purpose in this world is being accomplished. It could be 5:00 AM drinking coffee, midmorning or afternoon with bottled water, evening or after midnight. Whatever time in the 24-hour cycle an idea comes to me I can go with it write it out and enjoy those feel-good endorphins that are coursing through my system.

It reminds me of the runner's high I get after walking at least 30 minutes at a brisk pace uninterrupted. It will seem as if I am floating and any pain or discomfort I felt will have disappeared. My sinuses will clear up and I literally have the sensation of walking on air. The only other time this happened to me was when I was given morphine after falling and breaking my arm in 2002.

I experience a similar natural high when writing. Sometimes if I am interrupted it will feel as if a magical spell has been broken. Writing indeed threads my needle and it feels so good. According to studies, stress is removed from our minds as we put our feelings about what is troubling us on paper. I have noticed that when I write about personal issues such as childhood trauma it's as if I have actually let go of what was hindering me.

No matter what I write about, I feel as though any stress I am dealing with passes through my fingertips. I compare it to the way someone else might relieve tension by playing the keys on a piano or other instrument. Writing is my way of creating beautiful music and presenting it to the world of the viewing audience. In the process, I am healing myself of emotional distress each time I thread that needle.