Why you shouldn't have to speak up more

I am an introvert, but that doesn’t mean I can’t speak, it means that I don’t draw my energy from constant engagement with people. I spent many years teaching myself to have more confidence so I could talk to people and I’m at the point where people don’t always believe me when I say I’m an introvert.

I am by no stretch of the imagination as bad as my dad was, he spoke so little that there are people who have known me most of my life, who claim they never heard his voice. Like me, Dad could talk when he needed, but it worked out for Mom if he didn’t.

In a work setting, however, I have consistently been given the same advice from mentors: “You should speak up more in meetings”, most recently during a performance appraisal and I wondered whether others are being given the advice “You need to shut up and listen to others more in meetings”. It seems that there is always a push for others to talk more, instead of encouraging the louder ones in the room to allow others to speak.

I’ve spent the last few days reflecting on this and wondered what advantages I have gained from being “the quiet one” in the room over my career.

I can remember things better

People have often told me that I’ve got a great memory, but I don’t know if that’s an accurate assessment. What I have found is critical in remembering conversations is listening to those conversations.

I sit in meetings taking copious notes (a throwback to my policing days), as well as listening to the exchange between parties. I pick out the key points and sometimes I will remember them verbatim. I find when I’m talking this often results in me writing fewer comprehensive notes because I’m also focussing on eye contact and conveying my own message.

I have time to assess all the viewpoints

If I have something to say, I will say it. However, that is usually after I have sat back and let the bigger personalities in the room put on their shows. By the time I come to speak people have provided their perspective on things, usually meaning that my thoughts are a balance of the opposing sides of any argument.

Consequently, my response is balanced, and this results in me being seen as someone who can work with everyone. Several colleagues have commented that when I do speak it is providing an approach that considers each side of the argument. This isn’t a fluke and what happens when you are listening to what people are saying.

I am seen as approachable

I have worked with people of different education levels, genders, races, religions, and socio-economic backgrounds. One of their consistent pieces of feedback to me is that I am very approachable. I wasn’t sure why, particularly since I’ve got plenty of feedback in the past that I have a grumpy face.

It turns out that when you spend more time listening to people than you do talking to them, they are more willing to come and talk to you. This has been great and has meant that people are more likely to escalate issues to me or share with me information that I need to know. It’s also been good for an introvert like me to make friends in the workplace (without my grumpy face scaring them away).

People underestimate me at their peril

Along the same lines of me remembering conversations and getting a balanced view is this point. Often, for whatever reason, there have been people that have assumed because I’m quiet, then I must also be of low intelligence. Now that’s equal parts insulting and valuable.

I’ve lost count of the number of times people have held conversations in front of me about matters that I would not normally be privy to. They speak about things that they should not discuss in front of me. Over my career, this has been one of my most efficient intelligence-gathering tools, that has given me insight into managerial issues that I have been able to learn from or use to my advantage.

I know that there are still times I need to be more vocal, particularly in certain meetings, but I won’t underestimate the power of being silent as well. The ability to build relationships and learn merely from listening is as critical as being able to speak up when needed.