When do I take being unemployed personally?

When do I take being unemployed personally? It's been a month. Not long in the scheme of my life. Very long in the landscape of my brain. And a fraction of the time most of the UK TV and Film freelancers have been out of work this year.

There are two reasons why I am unemployed. 1. The US writers and actors strikes have halted most large-scale productions filming in the UK. 2. The remaining UK productions haven't been commissioned as British broadcasters are commissioning next to nothing, with a handful of comedies and documentaries tiding channels over. I'm luckier than most. I was at a company that managed to keep me on for as long as they could before the money ran out. But now. I'm hunting for jobs that don't exist. And there is no sign that they will exist for a while. With commissioners talking about investing in shows for 2025 (skipping 2024 entirely!). The thought of retraining makes me so sad. Sure I could retrain, and I will probably have to. Scrum master, Agile project management here we come. But all that specialised knowledge, useless in the world of tech or finance. I mean how many finance companies need to hire a horse and turn it into a unicorn on the regular? How many tech companies need to get their programming team to a remote part of Ulaanbaatar for a historical Mongolian sporting event? The idea of being limited to system and process, not the support of creativity, is actually a little heartbreaking.

Retraining will take time, and even longer to convince someone to hire me when the acronyms don't fall as fluidly from my mouth, and my skills are ’transferable’ not ‘hard’. I will have to try hard, and work hard, to fight into an industry I have no care to be in. So why entertain it? Why not wait it out? Live off handouts, and credit cards and sit out the strikes? I'm struggling to separate my fear and my position. I'm ok. Yes, I have no savings (thanks leaky house!). Yes, I am relying on family handouts to pay my bills. Yes, my mother has repeatedly told me I can sell my home.

That's the one that kills me. That's the one that kicks me straight in the gut. My home. My safety. My dream. Gone. Or at least going. At risk from my own stubbornness, stubbornness not to leave my industry. There are a few steps in between where I am now and selling my home. But not many.

And that is my biggest fear incarnate. Losing my little blue house. My home. Its mine. It took 9 months for that sale to go through. I've been there for 2 years. And I have been dreaming of this place since I was a child. My little blue house by the sea. No. That's not going anywhere. I will not sacrifice that for anything. Owning a property isn't just about financial stability. It's about closing a door and knowing it doesn't open unless you want it to. There is literal safety involved. I can change the locks at any moment. I know exactly how many keys have been cut. There is no landlord around the corner. Or even a spouse or dependents to wreak havoc on my space. It's my place to be messy and soft. The thought of losing it chills me, and even now I can't help but feel my eyes prickle at the thought.

It's easy to say ‘I support the strikes’. It's harder to say ‘I want to keep my home’ to say that feels selfish and isolated, in a time when so many are giving so much and having so much more taken from them. I can see the fundamental cracks in an industry that I love but has churned to a halt, I can see the systemic neglect by British Broadcasters who have consistently underestimated the power of streamers. I can see the prejudice of streamers against their workers determined to monopolies an entire industry in a way that up til now technology hasn't allowed for. I can see that none of this has anything to do with me, so why does this feel like I am a failure? Why do I have to choose between heartbreaks? Why am I so scared?

(Just a sidenote, this is a tough spot for me at the moment, and if anyone is able to tip I would be so grateful, no pressure though! I will make it work! Alternatively, if you need some production management/ coordination/ assisting or any other work done, shoot me a message! )