Two Star Review

"The first book's storyline was so unique I just had to read this one, but the sequel was even more roughly written than the first. Van Orman's writing style is overly simple and I had to ding them for their habit of 'telling not showing' every emotion and thought of every character despite it being a first-person POV. There was also no semblance of a struggle after she unlocked the second level. Everything was too easy. No plot twists. Every plan they came up with was executed without complications so it was just... boring unfortunately."

--Angela Gonzalez

That was a review for my novel If Diamonds Could Talk (sequel to His 16th Face). I'd like to begin by pointing out that even though this reader liked the first book, they did not leave a review for it. Instead, they decided to come and trash on the second book without offering any positive feedback on the first book except for the one-liner at the top. This was a two-star review left on GooglePlay where the book is available for free as an ebook and an audiobook. I would also like to point out that I had to edit the review to fix the errors. It was littered with them.

Today, I'm going to go over their review and explain my thoughts on it since I can't reply on GooglePlay. That is really for the best. REALLY.

First off, they complain that my writing style is rough and overly simple. Yeah. I know. It's like that on purpose. I don't want to make my writing inaccessible to people who are reading for fun instead of for academic fulfillment. There aren't that many payoffs for writing at a university level. All that will do is make fewer people read my books. Not only that, but Wattpad's AI writing assessment tool says I write like Jane Austen and I'll never get anywhere that way. In no way do I think that is true, but I do write in a way that is more classical than is hip among today's rising author population.

The second thing they complain about is the 'telling and not showing' thing. I have had creative writing types crab about this to me for decades. Frankly, I get annoyed at authors for showing something simple instead of just spitting it out. When I notice an author has been trained to show instead of tell, I lose interest in their work. It takes more words to show rather than tell and if I think an author is wasting my time (and extending their word count) beyond the interest of their idea, I'm out. It's a difference in preference. Creative writing teachers have to have something to teach, so they all harp on this. As a reader, I find no benefit to it. It's exactly like being trapped in a conversation with someone who won't shut up even though you've already got the gist of what they're trying to communicate. It's so lucky you can set books aside without the author knowing (nudge, nudge)*.

The 'no semblance of a struggle' thing is a real argument. There are struggles, but if the reader didn't enjoy the ones I presented, I'm forced to agree. If Diamonds Could Talk is about a woman who gets god-like abilities through her love interest. Do you want to know what I find annoying? When a character gets god-like abilities and nothing has changed. They're still wading through troubles and pain and difficulty but on a more cataclysmic scale. The character never gets a break. They're just faced with challenges more dire than the last. This book was more like going to school and getting the cheat codes which is fun in a different way than always tackling the most terrible problem the author can think of until the author can't think of anything worse and finds themselves completely blocked and unable to finish their books.

Also, Beth does not unlock anything higher than the second level in the book. I give evidence that she has in the epilogue which takes place a year after the end of the book, but she doesn't unlock level three when she tries by herself during the guts of the novel. She fails every time and Christian saves Trinity. I guess I didn't write that part in a way that was simple enough for the reader to understand. I guess they needed me to spell it out for them. If only I had told the reader what was going on instead of showing it to them.

Okay... that was pretty crabby.

I know why I'm crabby. It took me eleven and a half years to write His 16th Face. The book ended up being 89k, but I wrote an additional 80k for the book that I had to throw in the garbage (some of that was meant for the sequel). I wrote multiple storyboards for If Diamonds Could Talk and the one I went with didn't satisfy me 100%, but nothing was going to... Do you know why?

It's because the romance set up in His 16th Face is based on mystery. The mystery is what is enticing. Once the mystery has been resolved and the hero is out in the open, continuing the mystery would be contrived in an ugly way. Not only that but once you let the girl get the guy in a story like this, there isn't a way to continue. As an author, you have to finish everything you want to finish in the book because there will not be another one. No one will be begging for it. No one is interested. Romance novels, even if they're science fiction or fantasy-flavored romance novels, are about the romance at the end of the day. No one cares about the other aspects of the story. All that means that I had a lot to accomplish in this book if I was going to be satisfied. On the other end of that, there is no point in writing books that are over 100k**. I had to accomplish everything I wanted in under 100k. The book is 97k.

Most of my reviewers like If Diamonds Could Talk more than they liked His 16th Face. The reason for that is clear in my mind. It's because they're readers who know the mystery tropes and they don't want mystery, they want progress.

Also, I'm curious if my book would have evaded being boring if it had a sex scene in it and that's what the reader is actually mad about. They clearly read it to the end even though they were bored, so why did they continue? I don't write explicit sex scenes, so I've had a lot of veiled comments from readers complaining over the years. Their complaints are valid. Most romance novels reward the readers with a big juicy love scene at about three-quarters through the book. I don't do that. Poor writing is often excused for its flaws by having a tight sex scene. In my mind, writing something that sexually stimulates the reader would change my job. It would be like a massage therapist giving a happy ending to finish the session. The reader is not there for the ideas inside the book any more than the client is there for a shoulder rub.

The reader didn't say that was their complaint, but most of the time, that's the only complaint I receive about my writing, so it leaves me suspicious.

I'm glad I got all that off my chest, but I still feel dumped on. I give my writing away for free. One would think my readers could be more gracious and just stop reading if they don't like it instead of spitting in my face when I'm just trying to give them a gift.

*As an aside on this subject, I wrote a novelette called Born in January that commits the sin of telling rather than showing on a MAJOR level and it is one of my most popular stories. Because sometimes, we just have to TELL a good story.

**If you're curious why books have to be under 100k, it's because books over 100k get bogged down in editing. It's a loose guideline, but it's a serious one so I couldn't have written an extra 3k to change everything. A book over 100k will spend six months in editing because there is so much more to consider. If you're not getting paid (like me with my free books), it's just not worth it.