Trust

Oftentimes writers are told that in order to make it, there needs to be a community in which ideas and creativity is shared. While I still find that true, it is hard to weed out the doubt that forms when others are doing far better than you believe yourself to be at.

I have been writing since I was twelve. I was that girl who wrote Roleplay with her friends and passed notes of stories between class. I wrote with one of my best friends in high school and carried for years after. Before she had passed away, my mother and I counted 293 short stories she and I had written together.

While I had been writing, I hadn't made the choice to fully become an author until October of 2018. At this moment, I was watching my favorite author, Sarah J. Maas, speak about her writing journey and joking about things the fandom had asked with Kingdom of Ash. (RIP to the many tears I shed in the Denver airport) I was three rows away from the stage and I felt something in my chest that made me stop and believe that I was the only one in the room. It had been my sign that I wasn't meant to be a lawyer or something in regards to business, that I had the ability to form words into worlds. Tell stories of alternate worlds and their journeys to finding their happiness as I was meant to find mine.

The road that was there, wasn't going to be easy. That much I knew. But no one ever tells you the path to becoming a published author, or ever just a writer in general. Far too many times was I let down with things that I found myself rushing into.

This last year, even with the madness of 2020, I found myself furloughed from my job and didn't fully know when or if I was coming back. The previous year, I had been messaged by someone on Twitter. Their website claimed that I could get my stuff published and edited. I had started the process of editing on my own with my story that I intend to finish. But it had been promises that were too good to be true.

September 2020, I received my manuscript not even half edited. This person has had my work since June. But, it hadn't been a simple, "Here's your work, let me know if you need a second edit :)." They had asked me for more money when I had already paid, racking the total to nearly &2,000. Luckily, I have an amazing bank and I got my money back.

But no one tells you these failures that authors like J.K. Rowling, Veronica Roth, or Sarah J. Maas have had. Or even the failures that us writers will have as we move forward.

I joined Vocal to be around writers like me, to be in an environment that I could connect with and bounce ideas back and forth; what I found was not as I had thought.

I wrote a piece when I started, a free writing piece that I even blacked out while writing. I got so lost in the words that the world slipped around me. I was amazed and horrified that I created those words. And when I had shared it, I was told that links would not be allowed. That: "That isn't what this page was meant for." I was shocked and annoyed at the idea that in order for me to become known as a writer, I need to self promote, but how can I self promote when a group page, a Vocal page, doesn't allow links to pieces by others? Only allowed in thread comments to allow my work to go unnoticed; give or take a few kind people go through the hundreds of moments to find my work.

It hadn't even been just that moment. I know that in order for me to be noticed, I have to have more than three pieces or stories or poems. But to pull discouragement from other people's success is by far one of the hardest issues that I have faced.

Writing will never be easy, and it is never meant to be easy. Writing is a form of expression one has that they paint a picture using words and to create a world of relationships and magic and hope. To fight for what is right and to bring other voices into the light. Or to ease the pain in one's chest as they feel the world starting to slip, but that world returns with every pen stroke. Trust the ability that you have, not to worry about the other writers around you, or the numbers or the bonuses you see them get as you wait for yours. Jealousy is never fun to find in comfort.

Trust the process and trust yourself. Trust the words you type and trust the hope in your heart. Writing is never meant to be easy. As writers, we tear our hearts into pieces and display them through characters or poems and emotions. In the end, we’re all writers that need to allow our voices to be heard, despite the rushing water of other successes flooding around our ears.