The Vocal Virgin

I’m a Vocal virgin. New to the scene out here trying to lose my virginity, but the world’s so mean. Two views in two months; wtf... I’m not the best looking, but I would venture to say I’d get better results on tinder any day. I don’t get it. I mean, I’m a creative guy with lots to say. I admit I'm far from perfect, but shit, I’m creative and have lots to say. Born in New York, I packed up my crutches and ventured away. To show I’m independent and like Frank, I always wanted to do it my way. From when I was in fourth grade, I knew I would be a writer one day. Shorty stories, speeches, and poems would get me sent to the principal's office like every day. In school, I developed a following, albeit underground, but still, I made a sound. Then college around. I had my adventures but admittedly lost some ground. Let a scholarship slip away because self-worth and discipline gave way to parties and a sales job that paid more than your average wage. Still making money but not having a sense of self can lead you astray. New York to Philadelphia Temple was an adventure. Barely was I making my way, and then I found baby mom's number in NJ. It wasn’t love or anything of the sort, just a start. Finding a girl that showed me value when my dad was too busy working and my mom always seemed to me make me feel worth less than anybody. Still, this isn’t a pity party. Hold your refrain before you say poor me because here the story starts to change. I dropped out of school and went back to New York for a few days, but this wasn’t for me. So one night at midnight, I packed what little I owned in trash bags, tossed them in the back of my old Mazda 626, and hit the highway. 

I had 3k in my pocket and belief in me. I had no solid plan, but I had faith.  Deep down I knew it would work out if it was meant to be, it would be. So I took off not telling anyone except my new girlfriend and my best friend who introduced us.

I never looked back. Crutches, broken braces, broken relationships, and sometimes only change in my pocket. I vowed to be self-made. Found different ways to hustle without selling crack, but I don’t want to get too much into that. 

Still, let’s say I’ve been everywhere and back from the ritziest neighborhoods in Beverly and Hollywood to the other sides of the tracks. Maybe it was luck, or maybe it was something else, but somehow no matter what, I always managed to get a bag and make it back. I think my writing reflects that. I’ve experienced so much I can go from urban gangster to Harvard Magna Cummerbund Laude in four seconds flat. 

I guess I have to thank my dad for that. From PS 229 to one of the top college prep schools in the country, my reality was already forming. That specific school in Stony Brook was for me. I was probably around 12 with an attitude and self-esteem issue to bat. To add to that, a school where sixteen-year-old kids are pulling up in Ferraris, and I didn’t quite know how to fit in. So instead, I got kicked out, but that’s a story for another day. For now, all I’ll say is it involved school treasury and 5o pizzas. 

Either way, all I’m trying to say is I have experienced many walks of life as a disabled Latino man with brains and swagger but looks that came and went with the weather finding myself and finding my own self-confidence hasn’t been easy. 

I’ve found and lost love. Three baby mommas and seven kids later, I can say I’ve been thru it all. Been a great parent but at the same time lost and found my kids again thru drama, rain, and pain. Again a true story for another day. I’ve battled alcohol and demons that know no refrain. Thought I found love in people damage more or less the same. Yet here I am today.

Somewhere trapped in the middle. I’ve fallen to the bottom and fought my way to the top. Never have I stopped. Now here I am, stuck somewhere in the middle. Then I stumbled across Vocal.

I knew I always wanted to be a writer, so when I stumbled across Vocal it was love at first sight. Still, here I am, stuck in plight. Two months in and not a bite. Two manuscripts in my closet suffer the same delight. For I struggle to find an audience, and how do I connect when I am not a single voice but instead a culmination of life experiences that most could not conceive. Hell, even those closest to me find my life and reality hard to believe. I’m a Vocal virgin looking to spread my seed. Looking for love and affirmation in these rocky seas. I’m a strong man, so I hate to beg and plead. I’ll upload content daily and let my soul bleed.