The Overthinker's Chronicles

What can I say about being an overthinker that others like me haven't already said? Also, what happens when an overthinker has anxiety and a hint of depression?

I keep trying to go over situations that seem to be completely normal but it translates into entirely different in my head.

The most common situation that I have experienced was at home. When you think about it, in my opinion, all of our problems or solutions start at home. How do you feel about being treated in some way? Do you feel like no one understands you? Those are everyday things that go through my head, and I'm sure, many other people's heads as well.

For Example: What is the first thought that comes to your head when someone in your home (could be parents, siblings, guardians, etc) is more excited at someone else's good news than yours? (Not to counter any success of any other person)

Generally, this would be a recurring situation that would occur. A lot of the time, if that person is not dealing with depression or anxiety or anything at all, this would not even be an issue. But when someone is dealing with issues themselves, hearing people closest to you (or supposed to be) talk about other people like you wish they ever talked about you. How would you feel? How would you deal with it?

Plus, there is always a comparison that goes on. They might not even be doing it consciously, or they might be but wanted to come off as something else.

When these things happen not once, not twice but continuously, it messes up your mind. At least it does mine. When you are hearing these things throughout your whole life, you tend to start to believe that you are not enough and that they will always want someone else more than you. That they would rather have someone else in their family.

What brought all of this on you guys might think? Well my idea when I have things to say, is to write. I have always written poems or long rants (like this) just to help me relieve some of that tension.

Have you guys ever had people shade you indirectly? It always starts off with small things. At first, you are confused as to what is going on, but slowly you start to understand because the shades (or taunts) get more direct. (Btw, this might just be my overthinking brain in the works)

Over the past few weeks, I have noticed some things, or some behaviors of certain people toward me. It is never direct. It is always in a way that comes off as very snappy. I think I wouldn't have even noticed anything (because I was accustomed to it) if I hadn't heard some things that were being said about me behind my back.

At first, it hurt because I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Then my whole worldview shifted. How could someone say these things about someone else?

Then I stopped doing things as I normally would have done. It was so surprising to me that when I did things for other people, it was never noticed. But the minute I stopped doing things normally, that was when it was noticed.

Overall like everyone, I want to feel like people in my home would understand me, not try to knock down anything I try to do, and also not try to pin their thoughts on me.

I might just be overthinking, and all of these things might not even be true.

That's all for today. More rambling later.