The Little Black Book.

2020 the year that I experienced my first miscarriage, the year of covid-19, and the year my marriage ended through betrayal. After crawling back out of my self-pity hole I finally managed to pick myself up and started writing again. A starting point on my healing journey inwards. Finally, it hit me, why am I still struggling and what can I do to change the course of my life? I deserve more. I have decided with my whole being to stop denying myself. I'm now at a place in life where I’m learning to embrace this powerful transitioning period. Heartache and broken promises I’ve had my fair share. I have faced many obstacles but I know now to accept them as lessons. Now it is time for me to write about this healing process in a book. After which my goal is to move to Toronto. I believe in love. I will become my own soulmate. I made a promise to myself to keep moving forward, to always live and breathe the best version of myself. Gratitude. And so with this realization, I officially applied for an Express entry visa to Canada.

My book was finished in six months. With this goal completed, I booked my flights to Toronto. I thought it would be best to visit the city as a holiday first before such a big move. I wanted to check out its vibes, and being the most multi-cultural city in the world I couldn't imagine anything but the best. After a long and patient wait, Canada had finally landed on my lap. Finally, a reason to get dolled up. Time to shine. Touch down and the first thing I gotta do is find my apartment. Uber it is. Rosemont Residences, please. I dropped my bags off and changed to go for a jog, it was time to explore this gorgeous city.

Later in the evening, I cindrellafied my ass up. I went to an open mic night at a bar called Revival. I ordered a 12-year-old Redbreast whiskey. I am a woman, hear me roar, down the hatch, it went. My name was announced. Oh did I forget to mention I considered myself an inspiring MC during the lockdown. Now here I am shitting myself and taking a leap of faith into the ears of the innocent bystanders. I took a deep breath as I called my Irish luck back upon myself. I don’t know what came over me but I knew it felt awesome. Off I went.

Just landed

Oh… hold UP,

BACK IT UP,

BACK IT UP…

What up OT,….

BALLIN……

YOU HERE ME CALLIN……

Gantric is here! To act as your true guide.

Higher powers resting, Right by my side.

May I dance for you Pappi, Let's toast with one last beer.

Coz we started from the bottom now we here.

Just Doing it True Styling, Straight through the gate.

Feel the rhythm of my vibes, as they truly radiate.

One dance got me smiling on tap.

Me perfectly placed on your knee, Is my victory lap.

Show me a good time Pappi.

Cheers to a wonderful life so bright.

Gratitude to the heavens.

Let us shine, shine our own Light.

What up my G’s,

As I Raise my Redbreast to the sky,

Trust me I ain’t shy.

Yoga got me feeling triumphed in my fitness,

I’m here to let loose, NOW bear witness.

I'm a free spirit ready for flight.

Gee will make you jump, jump, afternoon delight.

My Focus aligning in your direction.

My love and loyalty are the ultimate protection.

Do you hear me knocking……

Keep the beats on rocking……

May I dance for you Pappi coz the Moment is Now.

Living it up to the fullest, lets’ take an accomplished Bow.

I need to know, where do you wanna go?

Just know I am shit. Small and in charge, the ultimate kit.

Unruly, wild, and eccentric at best, yes this is ME.

What up my darling, say hi to Gee.

Just lets’ take it oh so tantric slow.

Island flavor guarantees the glow.

I was beaming with pure ENERGY after that performance, I loved every second and the crowd loved it too. Back to the bar to settle my nerves, yes I did it. Go me. Gratitude. Out of the blue this very handsome man walks up to me and smiles, then suddenly he leads over and whispers in my ear, “Wow, girl your moves and lyrics got my attention. hi, I’m Dee it’s very nice to meet you.” It took me a moment, then it hit me like a barstool to the head, this was Dee the famous Canadian rapper. My cringy reply went a little something like this, “I’m Irish born with twinkle toes what can I say.” We both laughed. We couldn’t hear each other well so we decided to go somewhere quieter. I felt at ease in his presence, even though we just met. I just knew it would be a night to remember.

We made our way outside where a Bentley Mulsanne pulled up at the secret side entrance. Dee offered to carry my bag before he opened the car door. A few blocks drive we were outside the CNN Tower. Very smoothly he looked at me and said, “I just wanted to show you the best view of the city. It's so peaceful and beautiful up here at night. Eagle vantage point some would say.” The vibes were skyrocketing. It was quite breezy so he offered me his jacket. He placed it gently around my shoulders, our eyes met, and we kissed. We talked for hours about our favorite movies, songs, creative ways of living, and family. We both love dogs, Game of Thrones, Ozark, Europhia, 90’s Hip Hop and RnB, dance movies, tattoos, whiskey, and most importantly traveling and having fun. He dropped me back at my apartment. What a wonderful night, and I had a promised dinner date for the following evening.

The next night Dee picked me up at 7 pm in what I could only describe as a batman car. A Black Mercedes-Benz SLR McLaren, my pumpkin just got upgraded for the evening. Of course, we were heading to the Harbour, Prince Charming had a yacht. Gratitude. I decided my aim would be to relax, enjoy and go with the flow. It was a beautiful starry night, and as clear as crystal was a full moon and the Orion constellation. The CNN Tower was lit up purple. I was in awe. Dinner was perfectly laid out up on deck. A single red rose was placed over my chair. He offered his hand and asked me to dance. The song, the very inspiring wonder lyrics of the fabulous Frank Sinatra belting out My Way. Again we shared a second kiss. This moment seemed to last longer and more intense than our first one. I have goose pimples running up and down my arms. My heart is falling, am I insane to think I could make life worthwhile for this man. Then I caught myself on and decided yes, I’m awesome, always best to let go of negative ego talk as soon as it rises. Just BE in the moment. And like a true gentleman, he dropped me back to my apartment.

Three days later our third date. I chose a secluded spot to set up a picnic at Webster Falls. What a vision of nature at its best. I laid out a blanket, food, and wine. I also came equipped with a pillow and massage oil. Of course, Dee got a G Egyptian dance during a glorious sunset. I had so much fun. After hours of talking it was the end of another wonderful date. My inner voice was, “Is this a dream girl?”

The next day I went jogging in Trinity Bellwoods Park. I later sat down under a tree to get some shade. At the corner of my eye, I saw a little black book lying on the grass in front of me. I opened it up and it read, "My dear beautiful soul, thank you for picking me up, that was it, all the other pages remained blank. I thought to myself this is strange, I decided to place the book in my bag as a token of my lovely day.

Later in the evening, I decided to have another look at the book. I nearly died when I noticed that was a second message inscribed on the second page which read, 'When you return home, publish your book, and your true inner wish will come true." That experience made me question my sanity. Is this a mid-life crisis delusion or a sign from the universe?

The following week on our 4th date we shot some hoops in his own basketball court located at his custom-made home, nicknamed the Embassy. I played netball back in high school, and yes I still have it. We later chilled in his backyard with his two dogs, such cuties. The discussion came up about focus, ambition, and goals. Too soon or straight to the point? I decided I liked the no-bullshit approach. Our ideas blended, communication flowed on what each of us wanted to bring and receive from a relationship. We agreed compromise is needed to resurrect passion and romance, meet you in the middle attitude where stubbornness upholds a ceasefire there. Mutual determination, organization, and respect. A few glasses of champagne later, one thing lead to another and that white outdoor couch got christened with the G Force, Heaven meeting Earth.

Later Dee lifted me to his bedroom where we both cuddled and admired each other's tattoos. This was my last night. we discussed our dreams. I told him about my book and my aim to move to Toronto and it will be interesting to find out if I was destined to come back as a bad-ass independent woman with my Husky Sasha by my side. He laughed and said, "Come back to me Gee on your terms, I’ll wait." I felt sad to leave him but I knew I had my mission to complete back in Ireland. The goodbye kiss at the airport was so heartfelt and just knew I had to make it back, someway somehow.

On my first day back home in Ireland, I crashed for twenty-four hours straight, I was beyond exhausted. When I finally arouse I got stuck into looking for publishing companies. My final choice was to go with the online writing community of Vocal+. My patience paid off and they were very interested and wanted to get the ball rolling.

That night I opened up the little back book. Suddenly on the third page, another message appeared. "You have awakened in your true presence GEE. Look deeply into Dee's eyes your answer awaits. You have found your match in DEE, a balanced partnership. After traveling across oceans of time and the depths of heavenly dimensions to be with each other from a time before. A time when you both embraced each other as one in the star-filled night sky of Egypt. You have both ridden together in the armies of forgotten warrior-generals, and you have both lived together in the sand-covered caves of the Ancient Ones. You are bonded throughout eternity.” Wow, what is happening in my life?

I talked to Dee every night. One month later my application to Canada came back successful. My book was published and I got an online writing job for Watkins. After 3months on the bookshelves, the sales were flying high, all thanks to the encouragement of the little black book. The reviews were so heartfelt about how my story changed their lives. Gratitude to the highest. So I finally had the money to move to Toronto with a job and savings In counting. Moving day came around two months later. Dee had personally come to Ireland to pick me and Sasha up in his private plane. Our new life awaits.