The Life of an Actress

Just a few days ago, I was running around New York City—battling the freezing rain, character shoes, and all. I was holding on to my rep book for dear life, and I swear my resume was screaming "HELP!!!!" as my headshot tore into my soul with it's dead eyes. You know exactly what I'm talking about, too. Ever see a headshot with a lively smile but 'please-let-this-be-over-I-hate-this-CAN-WE-ADD-A-FILTER-TO-THIS-CAN-YOU-PHOTOSHOP-MY-BIG-NOSE' eyes? If you haven't, go look up some bad headshots and laugh with me. Anyway, so I'm out here looking a damn mess.

Just let this image fill your head. Tourist Cosette vs. stampede of New Yorkers. Morning traffic. Rain. Melting makeup and flat hair.

Imagine something like this:

Except maybe a little less terrifying.

*Record scratch* *Freeze Frame* Well, you're probably wondering how I got here.

(Oh, I went there. Let it marinate.)

So let's rewind to the beginning of the day—which for me, started at 4AM. I made some tea and began my vocal warm-ups. Actors generally start their days very early to prepare for a day of singing and dancing. It was still super dark outside, and some rain was coming in. All ingredients for a fabulous day ahead.

I'm thinking, "Momma may have raised a little bitch, but she raised a crazy one who is still about to go to this audition, honey." So I grabbed my makeup, and started to piece my face together.

I dragged my friends to the audition location, where we waited in a line for about an hour before entering the studio.

Once we did, the next two hours were filled with (and I want you to read these quotes in the bitchiest, most pretentious way you can, because I assure you that's EXACTLY how they were said):

"Ummm, excuse me? Where does the EQUITY line stop?"

"Oh, are you non-equity? Ohhhh. Ok."

"No, JENNA, equity is OVER HERE!!!!!!"

It was great. Really eased the nervous tension.

So, the stage manager walks in and says, "Hey guys, so welcome to the auditions for (INSERT SHOW NAME THAT WAS NOT WHAT I WAS AUDITIONING FOR AT ALL)," and starts explaining the audition process. As soon as I can, I dash out the door, grab my friends, and give them the crazy eyes. I fill them in on my situation.

This, my friends, is when I first experienced an audition being switched to a different location last-minute. The address I checked that very morning was now in limbo. Once we found the new location, we ventured out into what was now even HEAVIER rain, which brings us back to the part of the story I started with:

I'm looking like...well, that ^

And the whole time I'm thinking, "Well, maybe there won't be a lot of people there since the location got switched so last minute."

That idea laughed in my face the moment I walked into the new studio, or at least the doors leading to it, because THE ENTIRE ROOM WAS JAM-PACKED. I forced myself to the front of the room and signed up for a number, which was '401.'

I felt so relieved to finally be at the right place. I held onto to my number with an excited grip.

We sat in the crowded studio for six hours, watching people come and go. I was so ready to audition, so ready to sing and forget about all of my frustration—when suddenly:

"Hey, everyone, so we are now moving into the agent-only section of our call. If you want to stick around, you're more than welcome to, as we will try to fit you in where we can."

I stuck around a little longer, determined to wait it out.

They stopped at number 400.

400.

I was 401.

I didn't even get to turn in my headshot or resume. I was basically never there.

I killed my darlings and headed back to the hostel.

My heart hid behind a curtain of nails.

My stomach danced on broken glass.

I had been preparing for this specific audition for six months, and in a matter of seconds it was gone. This defeat is something felt by actors more often than not. Usually, we learn to immediately bounce back from rejections and move onto the next. Actors can go to more than three auditions a day the entire week, but for some reason, I couldn't recover as easily from this blow. So I let myself have the day off.

My friends and I stopped at a small diner for food, and I took off my '#401' sticker, folded it up, and placed it in my backpack.

The mood lightened up over the next few days, and I returned to my old, happy self. Even the weather cleared up, and we were left with sunshine and a city for the taking. Cue romantic montage.

Someday, someone will tell me about their awful first-NYC-audition, and I'll be like, "Aww, don't fret, bud. I didn't even get to GO to my first one!" and this will somehow be comforting because of course I'll be a successful and glamorous actress.

The actor life is a crazy one—one that I, and so many others, are foolishly lost in love with it.

Being lost isn't always a bad thing, though. I mean hey, if you're gonna be lost, do it with passion and style.

Last week, I was lost in the crazy that is NYC and theatre. And it was kind of awesome.

I encourage you to take away the negative and fearful context of being in the unknown this upcoming week. Go get lost in something you love.