The Age of the 'Plug-In' Employee

Does the following look familiar?

Here at _____ Company we have a great opportunity for a _____.

Do you like this? Do you enjoy that? Then this is the perfect place for you.

Here at ____ Company we value our employees. We listen to what our work force has to say! We produce great products and provide excellent services!

As a _____ you’ll be in charge of:

• A whole mess of stuff.

• A bunch of other people.

• Completing assignments with unrealistic deadlines.

• Managing a ridiculous schedule.

Our PERFECT candidate must possess the following:

• A Master’s Degree in all the subjects we want. (But we think people with PhDs are better)

• 20-50+ years of experience.

• Intricate familiarity with our products and services.

• Ability to provide our clients and customers with EVEYTHING they want.

• Independently figure out the entire job without any help or training from us!

If this sounds like something you can do, without us having to hold your hand or teach you anything, you should fill out the following application.

The application consists of 5 separate parts including a skills test and personality assessment because we want to make sure you are JUST RIGHT for the job, without having to put any effort into acclimating you. The entire application process should only take you 3 HOURS.

Please keep in mind that we may or may not get back to you because we simply have lesser or more important things to do.

If this looks like an employment opportunity advertisement that you have come across, trust me, you are not alone. While the actual advertisements you have encountered probably lacked the blunt, indifferent, and care-less attitude portrayed by the one above, it likely harbored the same brashness. The advertisements you are often acquainted with likely use fancy words, illusive terms, and basically lipstick-on-a-pig descriptions.

It wasn’t until recently that I realized that these companies are not just advertising an opportunity for employment, they are promoting and publicizing themselves.

They are getting a 2-for-1 deal, here!

This marketing tactic, I realized, is underhanded, not to mention cheap and sleazy. Ultimately, they are not trying to promote an excellent opportunity, they are trying to convince or persuade the reader that their company is the best to work for.

In all honesty, if your company is the best to work for, then the pay, benefits, work environment, and overall morale should speak for itself. No convincing necessary!

Ultimately, these advertisements are not a wonderful opportunity FOR ME; they are a big-break for the company!

In addition to their smoke-screen advertisements, the applications, interview processes, and pre-employment requirements set by these companies are absolutely INSANE!!

I recently spent 20 minutes filling out an application for a position. An application should not take any more than 5 minutes to complete: resume and cover letter should have ALL the initial information needed for companies to take the next step toward hiring.

It took this company 2 weeks for them to send me a response email!

I’m sorry, but if your turn-around-time is 2 weeks to reply to a simple inquiry, that says something about your staffing, communication, and the value associated with people’s time, not to mention how much you value current and potential employees.

The response email reeked with audacity and arrogance, beginning with an opening line of:

‘Congratulations on making it to the next stage of our recruitment process’. The NEXT stage? How many stages are there?

As if that wasn’t enough, the indolent overseers explained in the email that I was required to perform an 80-minute skills test and a 2-minute Zoom video just to get to the NEXT level of interviewing. And the email even boasted about how this will save me time through their GRUELING interview process. UGH!!!

Let’s not forget that this 80-minute skills test is UNPAID!!!

Initially I wanted to send a grawlix-ridden email to this company in response to this rather insulting, thinly-veiled condescending email. However, rather than jumping into the same pool of slime that these witless worms reside in, I am proud to say that I took the higher road. I declined their offer to jump through their hoops-of-fire and politely pointed out that I found it rather unprofessional to require potential employees to begin working off-the-clock, especially before they are even hired. I am well aware that my ‘high-road’ technique will most definitely get snubbed by the recipient of my response, but…

‘To Each Their Own’, as they say.

The afore written employment advertisement example has essentially one purpose, and one purpose only:

To attract a ‘PLUG-IN EMPLOYEE’.

A Plug-In employee is simply an individual which the company can easily insert or plug into the empty spot in their collection of instruments, devices, and apparatuses; someone who will merge into the assembly-line effortlessly and without any extra exertion required on the company’s part.

A company searching for a Plug-In employee does not view their employees as valuable workers; employees are viewed simply as tools which fundamentally ‘keep the lights on’, similar to a desk lamp.

When applying for these positions, individuals are not only required to meet ALL of the qualifications stated in the advertisement, but must complete ALL additional documents and examinations presented by the company. No matter how many documents of your own you may provide, these companies want you to fill-out their specific forms so that everything is uniform. It doesn’t matter if you provide your own samples, they want it to conform with their formats so that the ‘Plug-In’ method is consistent. If an applicant fails to complete these uniform documents, they are automatically disqualified from the running.

Do Not be fooled when they use words such as “UNIQUE” OR “EXCEPTIONAL”. They want uniformity and compliance. Period.

Plug-In employee methods have become more and more prevalent over the years. I personally believe that the recently developed “Great Resignation”, as they call it, is a major side-effect of individuals becoming fed-up with being Plug-In employees. Companies seem to be preoccupied with their bottom-line figures, and have ignored the workforce members that put those figures there.

Final Thoughts:

• Beware of Lipstick-on-a-Pig Advertisements – These usually contain promoting and publicizing of the Company.

• Be wary of Application Times – If it takes you more than 5 minutes to complete an application, you may be taking the bait to a Plug-In. Taking the bait may lead to the dooming mindset of “Well, I’ve already invested this much time. I might as well keep going.” Next thing you know, you’ve spent 2 hours filling out their forms and receive an email saying ‘We’ve decided not to move forward with your application at this time’.

• Try to Take the High Road – If you come face-to-face with an interviewer, or even an email or phone call, that essentially makes your blood boil and causes you to want to pull out your hair, try to take the high-road and maintain professionalism. Who knows, it may have a way of coming full circle one day.

• Watch out for Key Words – Words such as UNIQUE, EXCEPTIONAL, & OUT-OF-THE BOX are often used to sell the applicant on the job. These words are essentially a sales-pitch tossed into the advertisement by the Company in order to get you to apply.

Best of Luck to You ALL!!