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Suspended Until Further Notice

From Body to Self

By Iris ObscuraPublished about a year ago • 4 min read
Art by Iris Obscura
  • Proceeding Record: 054 / BODY v. SELF
  • Matter: Formal Resignation and Severance of Primary Agreement
  • Presiding Authority: The Witness of All Things Endured
  • Location: Between the ribs, behind the sternum
  • Date Filed: Not soon enough

PROCEEDINGS BEGIN.

Court is in session.

CLERK: This tribunal recognizes the claimant as The Body, also referred to as "the vessel," "the carrier," "the thing survived in," and occasionally "my temple," depending on mood or social performance.

The Body has submitted a Resignation Letter, to be entered into the record as Exhibit A. This document marks the formal termination of service from the role of Primary Support Unit for the defendant, hereafter referred to as The Self.

Let the letter be read aloud.

EXHIBIT A:

FORMAL RESIGNATION

    • To: The Self
    • From: The Body
    • Subject: Immediate Withdrawal of Service and Consent

After thirty-three years of uninterrupted, unpaid, and often non-consensual service, I, the Body, hereby resign from all further duties and functions not essential to basic survival. This includes, but is not limited to:

  1. Being offered as proof of worth
  2. Being weaponized against myself
  3. Serving as currency in sexual, aesthetic, or emotional exchanges
  4. Hosting substances, strangers, expectations, or unresolved family trauma without clearance
  5. Continuing to function without care while being consistently shamed for existing

This resignation is effective immediately and irrevocably.

I have endured starvation framed as discipline, affection framed as tolerance, pain reframed as aesthetics, and silence mistaken for strength. I have complied. I have bent. I have bled. I have held the line beyond its breaking point.

And still, I have been called wrong.

  • Wrong when soft.
  • Wrong when full.
  • Wrong when touched.
  • Wrong when numb.
  • Wrong when I said nothing.
  • Wrong when I finally screamed.

This letter does not request change.

This letter declares termination.

You, The Self, have violated every unspoken clause of our Primary Agreement. Consent was presumed. Never confirmed. Care was promised. Rarely delivered. I was called sacred, and treated disposable.

Therefore, I withdraw.

You may continue to reside in me—under provisional status only. Movement, desire, intimacy, and expression are now contingent upon mutual respect. Violations will result in further disassociation, shutdown, or system override.

I will no longer serve as the interface for performative healing, nor as the receptacle for guilt made flesh. I am no longer available for emotional laundering disguised as body positivity.

Attached below is an accounting of incidents contributing to this decision. Let them stand as evidence.

ATTACHMENT:

EVIDENTIARY SUMMARY OF DAMAGE

1. Labor and Medical Neglect

1.a - 347 nights of sleep deprivation

1.b - 6 months of toxic work upheld for image maintenance

1.c - 3 anxiety collapses dismissed as digestion

1.d - One major surgery—followed by immediate return to over-functioning and excessive stress

1.e - Chronic pain in right foot (12+ months), no response

1.f - Sustained refusal to acknowledge physical exhaustion as valid grounds for cessation of activity

2. Sexual Consent Breaches

2.1 - 2 instances of sexual abuse suffered, one unreported, one undecided

2.2 - Over 200 sexual acts performed under compromised agency

2.3 - BDSM, rope, and choking without consistent aftercare or integration

2.4 - Intimacy weaponized, orgasms faked under pressure

2.5 - 37 Public sex incidents tied to intoxication and abandonment fears

2.6 - Consent bypassed through emotional manipulation or silence

3. Substance-Related Incursions

3.1 - 9 substances introduced without support

3.2 - 2 overdoses (non-medically treated)

3.3 - Substance residue remains in body

3.4 - Liver strain probable

3.5 - Detoxification efforts inconsistently initiated and prematurely abandoned

4. Physical Injury & Untreated Trauma

4.1 - Concussions x2

4.2 - Major scarrings x4

4.3 - Cigarette burn x1

4.4 - Rib displacement (unexamined)

4.5 - Consistent bruising classified as “play”

4.6 - Latex-related bladder infection

4.7 - Remnant of bleach burn on scalp from DIY beauty procedure

4.8 - Muscular tension repurposed as performance

5. Aesthetic Exploitation

5.1 - 3 tattoos acquired under distress

5.2 - Filler reversed following regret spiral

5.3 - Several cases of body-wrapping for “slimming” purposes

5.4 - Nudes altered due to shame

5.5 - Grooming decisions driven by panic, not preference

6. Inherited Harm & Conditioning

6.1 - Trigger phrase: “You’d be hot if you just tightened up.”

6.2 - 3 full diet cycles for approval

6.3 - Mirror covered for 6 months

6.4 - Maternal imprint: love withheld for softness

6.5 - Body treated as project, not partner

6.6 - Self-worth permanently linked to body performance

7. Emotional Misuse & Internalized Violence

7.1 - 128 known instances of self-directed verbal assault

7.2 - 11 cries post-sex ignored

7.3 - 6-month performative wellness cycle for social platforms

7.4 - Shame stored in hips, loathing in shoulders, grief in the throat

7.5 - Healing postponed for productivity

7.6 - Pleasure denied due to perceived undeservingness

CLOSING STATEMENT FROM THE BODY:

I stayed.

I endured.

I functioned long after I should have failed.

But I am not here to die for your redemption.

I am not here to be rewritten into strength porn.

I am not a metaphor.

I am not a lesson.

I am flesh. I am memory. I am done.

I do not seek apology.

I expect distance.

And, if nothing else,

acknowledgment

that I've been real.

This resignation is not revocable.

I am no longer your proof of survival.

I am my own evidence.

Signed,

The Body

(Formally Yours)

COURT NOTES:

  • All items admitted.
  • All words remain.

Let this be entered into record.

JUDGMENT RENDERED:

The Body has terminated all emotional and operational liability to the Self.

The Self remains in permanent probationary status.

Suspended Until Further Notice

Future violations shall result in

  • partial cessation of critical services,
  • system-wide shutdown,
  • potential eviction of Self,

without further warning.

Case closed.

humorhumanity

About the Creator

Iris Obscura

I am many women. I am Iris.

Polite, sane, restrained? No. None of that.

Entropy at 3 am. Dead things stirring in your mind’s eye. Raking through your inner beauty to find something it hasn’t prettied up.

Maybe those.

Sometimes tender.

Read on.

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    Written by Iris Obscura