Part-time Driver, Part-time Listener

It was the final straw for me.

In 2013, I decided to quit my job and work for a ride share service.

I was on the brink of a mental breakdown. I had worked so hard to get into a position of management at work, but I was constantly criticized and disrespected by the owners of the business. I put in my two weeks with no concrete plan. I had decided to work for Lyft or Uber as a driver. I had a car and I would most certainly have the time for it in two weeks. I took my driver course at a local AutoZone and got a background check done within a week. I was ready to set a new challenge for myself. Especially because there were three challenges that I was going to face with this new occupation: my anxiety with driving, my introvert personality, and finding joy in my new job.

When I started driving as a teenager, I did not drive on the freeways a lot. I was paranoid about getting into an accident. I also had a bad experience driving on the freeway pretty early in my driving practice. I was trying to avoid hitting a squirrel, but I swerved into the next lane a little to fast for my mom's liking. It was bad enough to just make the decision to avoid freeways altogether. I had gotten less paranoid over the years and was confident driving in the I.E. area of California. Being a driver meant I was going to be driving to places I've never been to. It was a little scary at first. I was giving strangers rides to their jobs, homes, schools, or the airport. So many different people from different walks of life had entered my car. I got my car washed often and kept it clean so don't worry reader. I couldn't imagine being a Lyft/Uber driver during a pandemic. I actually got good reviews and compliments on cleanliness, friendliness and good driving. I found myself happy with this situation because I felt in control of my life. I designed my schedule and I could work whenever I felt like it. I was the boss.

I started to look at driving as a form of therapy for me. I could turn on some good music and just focus on the road. The tricky part was having conversations with the passenger. Whenever I was a passenger, I would seldom talk to the driver unless they spoke to me or if I had been drinking. I love talking to strangers when I'm drunk, unfortunately. I was not under the influence of anything while I drove so mustering up the courage to talk to some people was hard. I would usually leave it up to the passenger, because I know some of them would prefer not to talk to me. The first passenger I had was very talkative. She was a student that was in her early twenties. She rambled on about school and her boyfriend. She asked if I was in school or if I had a boyfriend. I'm not in school and I am still single, as of today. I realized that I didn't have much to talk about in my life, but I was a good listener. I had intentions of majoring in Psychology before becoming a driver.

I love helping people. I always thought that psychologists were underrated professions because of the work they do for society. Mental health is so important and I wanted to help others with their mental health, while my own was deteriorating. I was depressed and anxious over failing my classes one fall semester at a community college. I was working 40-45 hours a week at my job in order to make rent and pay bills. I was constantly stressed out and I decided to take a break from school when I quit my job. I needed to find myself again. I soon discovered how some strangers felt safe and confided in me, because they did not know me. They would talk to me about their family drama, divorces, breakups, work obligations, traveling, and anything else you could gossip about. There would also be times where I would drive a group of people and overhear their conversations to each other. Observing people from short interactions with each other on the way to their location would provide a lot of perspective as well. I was using this time to put what I had learned in my psychology classes to practice.

I genuinely listened to a lot of people and some of them had been through dark times. Some of them were just on their way to hangout with friends or go to dinner. They weren't all super interesting but I remember a few important conversations. I remember having a lot of good interactions with almost all of the passengers. Passengers that were close to my age felt easier to talk to. I even had regular customers that I was used to picking up in my area. I had my fair share of bad experiences as well. One night, I was driving in L.A. and was going to start heading home. I was going to turn off the app for the night when I had gotten a request by an old lady. I realized it was almost midnight, so I decided to take the request. I had failed to realize that it was a shared ride. In case you don't know, some ride share services actually give you the choice to share the car with someone else on the way to your destination. So I ended up getting re-navigated to a bar in L.A. and I picked up two young girls. It was pretty early to be picking up drunk people, but I guess that's why they say "go hard or go home." One of the girls sat in the back with my senior passenger and proceeded to prop her feet up on her lap. I was so embarrassed for her, but she didn't think too much of it. After we dropped the two girls off, she told me that she thinks they were on drugs. I've also had to drive an arguing couple to their apartment and it was the longest 15 minute drive of my life. My worst experience is a tie between two drunk girls, one grandma and an arguing couple.

My favorite conversation was with a woman I picked up outside of L.A. We had a long ride ahead of us because we were heading to Hollywood. She had tickets to see Chris Rock with a friend that would be meeting her there. I believe she started the conversation and was very grateful that I was able to pick her up. She asked me the typical passenger questions:

" So how long have you been doing this for?"

" So you like driving around all day?"

She was very sincere. I told her that I quit my day job because I was so frustrated with my boss. I told her it felt like I wasn't good enough anymore. It felt like no matter how hard I tried, every little mistake was my fault and I could've done better. She was really good at listening to me. She had an experience similar to mine and she was was a psychiatrist for a short period of time. She told me how much healing that she neglected to do in her own life was preventing her from doing great in her work life. She went to a school that taught her how to live to her highest potential. She told me the importance of self-discovery. I had never thought of life through that perspective and realized that I needed to enlighten myself. I needed to find joy now that I have stepped away from what was making me so miserable. She had found a new routine and a new purpose with her life that brought her true happiness. I could feel something different about her. She was someone that was truly happy with her life. It was something I want to achieve someday. True happiness.

I drove for Lyft for about 4 months and I learned some valuable lessons. Everyone struggles through life differently, but it is in our shared struggles that we come together and offer hope to others. The support of family and loved ones can make us feel invincible. I was terrified that quitting a job that I worked so hard for was stupid because of all the time and effort I had already put into it. I was scared that I had made an irreversible mistake when I dropped out of college. I had believed that I had failed at too many things. It was my first time going through a failed attempt at school and my workplace. I learned that I needed a change of pace. I needed to re-evaluate my passion and see where I was holding myself captive. I had to forgive myself because failing is okay. It happens to everyone, but some people are harder on themselves than others. I was able to look at where I was in my life and realize that I was right where I needed to be. Being a driver gave me the space I needed to rest and to work when I was ready. I was able to build my confidence back up and get back out into the world.

I don't believe a lot of people have an the eye-opening experience while driving for Lyft or Uber. I know some people that did if for some extra cash, but they didn't depend on it for their full income. I have heard stories where some people start driving on their free time, but end up loving it so much and start driving full-time. There are a lot of pros and cons about driving for a ride share service, but it provided me with control and freedom in a time that I needed it the most. It's okay to start over as many times as you need to. It's completely normal to stop and start over when you've already started heading towards a goal that you're no longer passionate about. Most people come to a point in their lives where they need to break off from what's holding them back. For my personal testimony, driving for Lyft gave me the time and power to make money while figuring out what I wanted to strive for in life.