New Year Same Me?

What were my New Years’ Resolutions last year? I have a vague memory of something about more money, a fitter body, perhaps even a luxury apartment or some other materialistic goal like that…

What is my reality this year?

The job that I was in, this time last year, I am no longer in now. - It’s a change for the better, but it was still a challenge to go through the motions of exit interviews and “Let’s keep in touch!” polite customs.

I’ve been through at least five job interviews since - I’ve lost count - over the past few months. I’ve been picky, I’ve been reassessing. I’ve been reluctant to do exactly what I was doing previously.

By the mere reality that the contract ended, I felt like, “Well, that was that journey.” I could have persevered, and I half attempted to do so… yet in all the interviews, this sinking feeling crept up inside of me, “No, no, no - you’ll end up in the same dead end…” It’s going through the motions, being the same robot.

I knew I didn’t want another two, three or even five years of it. Yet then I found myself in limbo, not really certain of my next permanent position.

Shall I continue my current temporary gig work?

Shall I find some other wave of success elsewhere?

Writing on Vocal has been extremely cathartic. I’m liking this, the Universe seems to be showing me that this is something I can spend some time and energy on… to what further extent? I’m not entirely certain.

Tik Tok is fun - haven’t monetised - it’s been a gradual steady gain of attention, but nothing anywhere close to an overnight success.

How are people even earning that many gifts during their lives? I seem to pick the times when nobody else is on. I get a handful of viewers and the occasional interactions. I think I’ve made about $1.65 in 3 years… not much to monetise here.

YouTube? Instagram? Twitter?

I refuse to be on Facebook. I’m not setting up a Facebook business page. I’m not doing anything like that. I’d rather be more active on Pinterest than Facebook! Instagram is okay, just barely tolerable because I do still like to follow celebrities and fashion labels.

Twitter has been this weird abyss that I simply share whatever is on my mind when I feel like taking a break from Tik Tok, YouTube, Netflix or Instagram. It’s like the fifth resort. “Okay, now let’s see what’s going on on Twitter…” - What’s happened with Elon? I don’t know about it until everyone else starts retweeting or quote tweeting because I muted him.

I tried, some time last year perhaps, or this year, I can’t remember exactly - but some time during the pandemic, I tried downloading Twitch and Discord but very quickly lost interest… I’m too much of a Millennial - why are these kids enjoying chat rooms like we used to in the late 90s? It’s not that special to me. And I don’t think I am chronically online enough to stay up to date with all the notifications.

So, back to a year-end review of some form, and I’m going to revisit this issue of new years’ resolutions quite a bit whilst I remain undecided on my own intentions… what do I want now? Now that we are facing the dawn of 2023…

I have a collection of name badges from my previous employment. Each experience has given me a name badge that I could keep. They’re magnetic, they can stick on the fridge. So it can grow and grow like a collection of trophies… and a visual reminder of my resume. If only we could submit a photo instead of filling out all these tedious application forms.

I’m now at the point, most recently in this week leading up to Christmas, applying for a new career pivot… I don’t want to jinx it. And I don’t want to say too much about it yet either because I haven’t gotten any call back from any potential employer… but it took a bit of introspection to really ask myself, “What do I want?”

What are the hours that I want to work?

Who are the type of co-workers that I would - ideally - like to have around me? (Manifest! Manifest! Please, Universe, let me manifest this!)

What kind of company do I want to work for? One that stands for what values? One that treats its employees with what benefits? One that has what type of reputation already in the media and overall?

What industry do I want to work in? Realistically? What is a sector in that industry that I could see myself sticking with, and not getting too bored, not getting too overwhelmed, not getting caught up in competitive pettiness or egotistical career ambitions?

Yes, that’s right, in my next role, I don’t want to be that ambitious. I feel that if it is a role that I can stay steady and “hold the fort” - that would be enough for me. Naturally, if it were to evolve, that a climb up were logical, I would accept it, but I’m not going in with that intent at all.

I’m too tired for that shit, y’all. I’m not that ambitious. I want to be comfortable, and I don’t want to trample on others to be promoted.

In terms of company benefits… I’ve come to realise that there are perks available, not only for myself but rather for my family members that I would want to take advantage of. That it wouldn’t be about my benefit only, but rather my family’s as a whole.

It’s not about me anymore, in 2023… I don’t have the energy to be that self-absorbed. If I can work for a company that helps me to help my family - including fur family! Pet benefits - then that is much more appealing to me than companies offering self-indulgent perks.

I don’t know if it’s just me. But this is how I’m feeling right now. Thinking back to what I thought I wanted, this time last year… Not only have I turned 360, I’ve teleported into a whole other realm… My hair's a little bit longer, my weight is a few kilo's heavier... another year, another me.

Here's to 2023.