My search

If I had to make a playlist about my life this album would be it . This album came out a few days after this mental breakdown and tryied to take attempt on my life . When I first heard of NF it was this song was called Notepad this song was like he talking to his

~Notepad~

Notepad and describing his love for Rapping “You and I in the room writing, up late when the moon strikes us we don’t care if they do like us “ this song came out in 2015 but when it came to rap culture I was listening to Lil Wayne, j.cole, Kendrick lamar , Eminem, Joyner Lucus and Kevin gates, How he described his love for rap is how I feel about basketball

~Interlude~

I am not picking these song by any specific order I love this whole album even the song I dislike still are still good I can honestly say it’s only one or two songs I don’t like that much but I still love this entire album I started with this interlude because it give great point of view of how celebrities have during the highlight of their careers

~Change~

I pick this song first because it’s was the first song I came cross on the album . I played this song on repeat so many times after my therapy session but I know it’s was time for a change in my life “Breatin don’t mean you’re alive , so I bag up all of my trash and walk out on my tightrope. Positive thoughts are my rivals , Im tryna be on their side though, should I feel comfortable I don’t, last year I felt suicidal this year I might do something different like talking to God . This verse the stuck out to me because I started picking my Bible more and I stop trying my relationship with God like a hobby and started treating it like a relationship

~Like this~

This song has a deep verse right in the beginning of the “ I feel more together when I am a mess” my life is so much of a mess specially after dealing with a dysfunctional family it’s like I am so used to dysfunction that being able function in a positive way it’s another part where he I he say “ baby I am Impossible to be with “ this stuff I had to learn and let Go and stuff I this I had let go in order to grow into the next level in life

~Why~

Now this one of the of my least favorite songs but it’s because is a flow that’s not how he would flow maybe because he tried to used that new normal mumble flow but when you have alot of unanswered questions about yourself it make you ask why alot

~Nate~

Now this that one song you skip but come back to it and realized it was fire “even good people are great at making bad decisions “ this song is about him talking to his kid self trying to tell him what's going to happen in the future I know Many of us wish we go back to are child self and speak to are younger self and be are own guidance

~My stress~

If I could pick a song to cruise to I pick this one .I am blessed to not have to negative outlet to reliefed stress “Insecrities of all kinds yeah, I'm hostage to my own pride ,most Important things in life to me are things I know I can't buy. Now This whole song is dope and I can relate to every verse in this song .

~I miss the days~

I never cried to a rap song before but this song made realized my life was not so bad after going to therapist had me remember a lot of GoodTimes in my childhood My mom dating a great guy, my Uncle cooking breakfast when we I can home from elementary school , watching Golf with my great grandfather, becoming a all star on the summer church basketball team, Having friends in middle school. I miss the good days and I learn to appreciate my life more .Yes I miss the day the good days but importantly I learn to make new ones .This is actually my favorite song on the album I can relate every verse on this song I love this track even if you don't like the album I anyone like this track

~Hate myself~

This makes me think about how we can be so down on are self that when we look in the mirror we a hard time looking in the mirror but it hard when we hate yourself when NF said“hands out , tryna ask for love but when I get it , I just pass it up, throw it away and think about it later digging through the trash for drugs. “Now this song took me sometime to analyze this it almost some like he might or can relate to someone who is narcissistic .I did a lot of research on that and I can see where my uncle and my ex girlfriend is like this where they hate themselves to a point they don't want to change for the better

~No excuses~

I love this song because after Got myself to get I pray to God and he called me to be a motivational speaker my first quote was “I have excuses but I don't use them “ But the many reason to have no excuse to become Great at what you want .

~Trauma~

If trauma could not be treat or have not found a cure for like it was a new plague. It's like when you want to be loved his you love everyone else, respected like you respected like everyone else . I once heard a quote from this sport analyst max kelleman “you either die a hero or live long enough to be a villain. I requote it saying “ I only been loved only a little bit to be a hero ,but hated long enough to know how to be a villain” I say that because I spent so much time trying to be everyone’s hero and never become a hero for myself so I was my own worst enemy . Now that I transformed my life I am gaining new experience of becoming my own hero because I am a expert at being my own worst enemy. Trauma strikes us all of us at one point time in life and most people without proper healing you just live to stay in it until they completely lost themself to a point when they don’t know who they are or where to start healing from.

This part is deep “I trade my joy for my protection” I seen where people are so protective of themselves they imprisoned their joy .

~Options~

“ I got to make it or make it “this song just make me determined and reminds me that failure not a option . This one of my gym playlist song really

~Thinking~

This song makes me reminisce on my relationship with my ex ,and how almost married her for the wrong or right reason. I still wonder if I choose to wait longer to be with her enstead of just jumping in a relationship from the start but I still think if choose my relationship with over my career would I still have favor with God or would I still have favor God but I would of be a terrible husband because I never wanted to be married as bad as she wanted to marry me and I made false promises to be married because I thought it was God wanted for me but I was learning how to Decipher the Holy Spirit and the worldly flesh.

~Leave me alone~

This song honestly give me confidence to overcome the negative voices in my head learn to lead with positive stuff I quote to myself to over the negative affirmations I was giving over my life for every toxic relationship situation in my life” here the symptoms couldn’t miss em wrestle with em “ then I penny Flip em bounce em , back up no where , you should get some who you dissin, move the switch and don’t come in the kitchen” you should listen cookin, records for my hands are listen “ Now rumor has it this was a eminem diss but this still one of my favorite parts in this verse

~Only~

This song comes to my mind when I felt I was the only person Going threw something bad in life “ Wish in that I pray a little more often and put more time into my faith “ I started praying and putting more time into my faith and God opened up to in this song that it's people going threw more worst stuff than me .

~Time~

Now I was dating anyone at the time but this song make me thing of my grandmother and I wanting more time with her we shared. I am doing so great now in life I still wish she had my time on earth to see my greatest now . Here time is now with the Lord and I pray are next time is in heaven for eternity. There is a edit version of this song to .

~Let me go~

And finally this song is great I love this it's another great song I can relate to about letting Go of tuff that's not for me and is people in my life that pretend to before me. One memory I can remember about letting go I had to cut someone off that I supported more then I ever support anyone and she called it bare minimum. I walked in the cold and to put money on this card to feed her. I had friend saleing drugs outside my house, had put family of God and watch how family do my in the worst way, and everytime used to think of these people my mind would go into this bad defensive mechanism that made me not want to connected from people then I had learn how the enemy made that mindset and I after begging God for help and telling satan to let me go but God show me it was me who made that up because of the carnal mind I was living Romans 12:2 be prepared for the renewing of your mind.

This whole album is Great playlist about me.Normal I like artist because of beats, lyrics, or sound, but this the first artist that I come to relate to as if we known each other personally .This album is my playlist for life