My Newest (Unexpected) Diagnosis

Here's some background: I have had back problems since I was 16, when I got into a minor car crash. I initially saw my pediatrician and she did nothing about it besides some muscle relaxers. The pain was on and off for about six years, becoming less severe.

This is where the new diagnosis story really begins: I had a seizure in April of this year. My back pain was really bad, worse than ever before. Since it got so bad, I saw the physician's assistant at my doctor's office. This time, it was at an adult doctor's office though. He seemed to think nothing of it and it was, "Here's some stronger Ibuprofen. If it gets worse or doesn't improve, call us back." I gave it several weeks and it was progressively getting worse.

I called them again, and this time I saw an actual doctor there. She did a physical exam and it appeared through this that it was just some tight muscles. So, I was again prescribed muscle relaxers and told to return if it got worse and we would consider physical therapy.

I called back after another month of worsening pain. I saw the physician's assistant again. He ordered an x-ray and put in a referral for physical therapy. I got the x-ray done the next day.

A week and a half later, I called, after not hearing from them when they had the results. I have osteoarthritis in my back. Her exact wording when calling to tell me was this... "The x-rays were normal. It's just normal osteoarthritis. Some wear and tear in your spine."

I'm only 22 years old... Why do I have another incurable issue, especially when it is more common in middle-aged and older people? Will I always be in this much pain with it increasing each day?

I started physical therapy a week ago and have had three sessions so far. Some of the exercises are brutal for me and I can only do four before I am nearly crying. I am told to try to get to ten for every set of everything. I try so hard but the pain has been there for so long that many days, just moving hurts.

More recently, there have been a lot of days where just breathing normally hurts my back. Today, I was crying from pain before leaving for my third physical therapy appointment. It hurt to move at all. Breathing hurt more than I have ever experienced. I was anxious and could not calm myself down because of being unable to take deep breaths.

I am also going to be seeing a spine specialist. That appointment is scheduled for the middle of September. I have absolutely NO idea what to expect. What will he try to do? What is he going to tell me about the osteoarthritis?

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I am very sorry for my rambling. I am beyond confused. I feel trapped in the endless cycle of never getting better.

If anyone has experience or advice, I would truly appreciate it. I don't know what might help, seeing as trying heat did nothing. Pain medicine does nothing to help. Stretching hurts. "Relaxing" doesn't help. I'm just... stuck and confused.

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If you took the time to read all of this, thank you. I truly appreciate it. I know it is very different from my normal writing. If you enjoyed my writing, please feel free to subscribe, heart, and comment. It means a lot to know I'm not alone when I feel like I am. Hopefully I will know what to write more poems about soon but that can't be guaranteed.