My Journey Through Grief and Healing

I’m sitting here trying to describe the emotional rollercoaster that has characterised the last year of my life as I type away on my keyboard. It’s a tale about suffering, grief, and endeavouring to put the pieces back together, one sentence at a time.

When my cherished aunt was given the cancer diagnosis last year, my entire life was flipped upside down. It hit me like a gut punch; it was a surprise strike. The idea that she may be dealing with something as horrible as cancer seemed inconceivable since she’d always been the sort of person whose smile could light up a room.

Every trip to the hospital and each treatment session made reality seem harsher as the months passed. I observed the lively woman I knew fade away. It felt like being trapped in a nightmare. Then, in May 2023, the day of her passing arrived. I had never experienced anything like the pain. It was a hurt that deeply penetrated my soul and went beyond the bodily.

I’d never had such a close encounter with death. In addition to being family, my aunt was a confidante, a support system to lean on, and the person I could always count on. I was unable to fill the gap that her dying left. The period which followed was a haze of sorrow, crying, and waking up early.

I discovered that I was unable to confront the outer world. Her laughing in the living space, her favourite armchair by the window, and the lingering aroma of her perfume in the air were all reminders of her in every room of my home. I wasn’t prepared for the feeling of leaving the house feeling like leaving her behind.

Following that, amid the middle of this seeming endless gloom, I discovered Medium. It resembled throwing a lifeline to someone who was drowning. Giving voice to my suffering by expressing how I felt became my form of treatment. Writing helped me sort through the jumble of emotions I was experiencing and articulate ideas that I couldn’t verbally explain.

Every letter I typed seemed like progress towards recovery. It hadn’t been about finding solutions or getting rid of the suffering; rather, it was about accepting the pain and letting myself to experience it. Writing became the only constancy and element that made sense within a world that had suddenly become so foreign.

Since she left, three months have gone, yet the hurt is still very present. Every day is difficult, but I’m becoming better at embracing every moment as it arises. I’m making an effort to always be kind to myself and give myself permission to feel sorrow, remember, and heal. Some days will be harder than others since the road is not linear, but that’s good.

My safe refuge and a space where I can express myself without fear of criticism is Medium. It’s how I honour her memories and maintain the connection we had. And if my thoughts can speak to just one person who is out there experiencing their own storm, it will have been worthwhile.

I am aware that I am not alone as I sit here and continue to make my way across the maze of loss. Writing has provided me with a lifeline and a method to connect with those who share my suffering. It serves as a reminder that even when it seems impossible, healing is possible.

If you’re currently reading this and have lost someone you love, remember that you’re alone. Together, a word at a time, we are finding comfort in language. And may the stories we tell and the memories we cherish provide us comfort as we move forward.

With Love,

Sumaya