My Ex boy haunted my mind, I hate my husband

My name is Jessica. I'm a 31-year-old. I am a foreigner living in Italy. two decades ago, I came to Europe to meet my parents to continue my studies. After several weeks at my high school in Belgium, I meet Mike, a very handsome, outgoing, and caring guy. As a newcomer, he took care of me in all aspects, well I may say with a free mind. Truth be told, I started feeling for him the very first day I met him. However, it was hard for me to voice it out until my mates notified my loving behavior towards him. Lydia, my Besty told me at the school canteen a few weeks later that Mike "loves me". Out of curiosity, I went on to ask Mike if he had made such an expensive statement. Mike said, "Well I haven't said that yet, but you are a very charming girl". I held my tears of joy hearing, and did not want to express my excitement before him as well. From then on, we officially started dating. Everything was just great between us until the day he told me that his parents couldn't allow him to get married to someone a from different tribe. My parents decided as well to relocate me to Italy. I had a very hard emotional to forget about him: I had Sleepless nights of crying thinking about Mike. My parents have shown me more love than ever before, and supported me as much as they could. A few years later, I met Bernard at our community supermarket. We exchanged a few friendly words. After our conversation, I felt the presence of a male around me after almost four years again because I was in pain and almost began to hate all men. Some days later, we met again at the main gate and he invited me for a walk around the community which I accepted. it was a nice chat with him as he went straight to the point asking me whether I could consider becoming his wife. I reported the scenario to my parents that evening and my parents advised me to take the maximum time I could to know more about him. Things went so fast and we got married happily. We have been married for five (02) years now and we have two (02) kids, my husband is almost 40 years old now. We both have stable jobs and incomes. He is a good dad to our lovely Children. We are self-sufficient. We just bought a house with a big garden. But for the past two months, I feel like I don't love my husband anymore. sometimes during our intimate time, I feel instead irritated and do not want to feel his presence. He noticed that and tried to find out. I use fatigue as an excuse. I find difficulties using pet names as usual, and caring words have become a chore. I have noticed that he has been suffering in silence.

Well, it all started a few weeks ago when I met my ex by chance in a shop in the city. I was almost crazy seeing him. I had a whole fresh flashback as it was yesterday. Since then I have not been at peace with myself, we had a long conversation. He is married with children in the same country. I have been struggling to get the whole stuff in my mind, but it is very hard even though I declined his invitation to have a drink with me,

I can not feel my husband any longer emotional and lose control of several household tasks. I am afraid that, if it persists, my husband may come to know about it. My husband is loving but very radical as well. If he finds out I'm in contact with my Ex, he will send me way. I am so confused and sick emotionally now seeking advice.

Warm regards

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