Keep your virginity to your husband or not?

My name is Blessing. I am a 26-year-old, Ghanaian living in France. I was born and raised in a Christian home where prayers are our daily spiritual food and the word of God is our daily guide. My parents are happily married. I love and admire them. They have been teaching us moral values. At the age of 15, I started to learn about sexuality, its meaning, its implications, and its practices. I learned that sexuality is the exchange of vital energy between actors. the energy exchanged could be positive or negative therefore it is essential to share it only with your life partner commonly called soulmate or spouse. Based on this knowledge, I vow to never have sex only with my husband.

During my teenager, I had uncountable temptations of sexual abuse from friends, classmates, teachers, etc. Thank God, I came out victorious. I became a teacher of this ideology around me. My parents love me so much, and some of my friends respect my conduct whereas some mock me but that is not important as nothing no one can discourage me.

At the age of 25, I met Simon, a single man, 29 years old. He expressed his intentions to marry me the second time we met. I did not reject him, rather I sent I asked him to go to my parents for further discussion if he was serious. He went straight to my parents. After several meetings with my parents, I started to go out with him on a date. Everything has been going very well since then. We share the same values and, the same vision of life. I was introduced to his entire family. His family is so welcoming and so happy to have me around each time, it has been likewise with him from my family.

Six months later, he proposed to me and I happily accepted. We inquired and embarked on the formalities procedure from "knock door", "traditional marriage" and "white wedding". Everything went as we planned. My nightmare began during our holy moon. Our first time to consume marriage was so painful, I cried the whole night after the act. He comforted me and told me it would be ok with time." the first time is ever been like this " he said. I believe him because my mother told me that earlier on.

Up to now, I can't stand sexual intercourse with him, it is still so painful after several time of trials. I'm so hurt physically each time I try and it has started to affect me emotionally. Since our wedding night until now I've always been in pain, I like it when he kisses me, and caresses me but when he wants to penetrate me I am just dying, I feel no pleasure nothing but pain.

Some people have told me that it's normal that with time it will be regulated but it is been a few weeks already. I am like questioning what people tell me, even what my parents have been telling me.

We enjoy our company, and we have a lot of fun but when he already hints at sex, it totally and automatically switches my mood, and I push him away. He says he's tired of being with his wife who can't satisfy him. I love him and I want to please him I want to please him, I want to please, but how? What should i do? is there any other way to handle this?

I suffer in my flesh and already see my marriage as a failure even though I am refusing deep within me to fail as such.

Warm regards.

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