Memories: 9 December 2022

9 December 2022

Quiet day. I took Beauregard with me to Amanda’s coffee kiosk. He was happy to see her! We sat quietly and some young man was staring at me and when I looked up at him he blushed and says “Oh you caught me!”

“What?” I replied

He says “oh talking…”. Yeah right. That young ‘un has been paying me too much attention before. I even told him schoolmarmishly that he is way too young for me. He could be my son. In a way it’s kinda flattering albeit weird.

Anyway after that I took Beauregard to the dug park so he could chase balls and run around and frolic. He was delighted.

Then I came home and polished up some copper cuffs that I made and posted them for sale. I also made a video this morning, as my labradorite and moonstone cabochons arrived. Exciting!

I will put them away until I can afford the sterling silver to make them into pendants.

Tonight I am going dancing. That should be weird, as usual. But it’s my one night out to dance wildly then come home exhausted to the peace and safety of my Sacred Space home and garden.

9 December 2021

FFS! Covid or starvation by lack of urea. Yes like someone is just taking the piss but this is yet another thing to worry about.

9 December 2020

Lyn’s beautiful and talented daughter Danni gave me lots of alpaca and sheep fleece. (For felting or if I ever get around to buying a spinning wheel...for spinning!)

I am delighted. My next project will be washing and brushing the wool.

9 December 2019

So tonight my lungs are bad and I am coughing up icky stuff after taking Beauregard for a walk around the block. I forgot my Ventolin so had to take some when I rather laboriously made it home.

White Island in NZ is venting. So along with the bushfires set by pyromaniacs and all the millions of innocent wildlife perishing, we now have possible volcanic ash to contend with (if it blows our way!). We also have a heatwave and still no rain. Even though it looked promising last night while I was dancing I was eagerly watching the skies, hoping and willing a downpour. All we got was wallowing in our own sweat.

So it feels like the world is finally ending as all the doomsayers predicted and I am just holding on to life out of Defiance and a little bit of Hope and Curiosity!

I just want the world to know I love you. We are in this together and we either survive or thrive together or we all get to be picked off one by one by events not under any human control.

It’s utterly terrifying. So be good to each other. Love your partners, children, family, friends and pets.

My beautiful benefactor is buying me an air conditioner so I can keep a bit cooler and keep my head clear and continue with my absurdist missives of tragi-comedic bathos that constitutes my interactions on Facebook.

It’s a Chanukah miracle!!! Yes it is! But we must carry on and keep our heads high, and hold onto Life. L’Chaim!

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9 December 2018

Today I had 4 raspberries from my vines. A schehecheyanu! They were delicious.

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I played this “Both Sides Now” at my mother’s funeral. It was a nod to my mother’s complexity and my own sanguine openness to the universe and its gift of horror and trauma amidst the beauty.

9 December 2017

Home from the Treasury casino. I had a fantastic night. I danced with Karen and Adam and Luke and a few random guys and one young regular who has been dying to get to meet me for the past few months. I finally danced with him. We had a chat. Turned out the Junge is German.

He rather bemusedly, referred to me as the Mistress of the Dance floor. Nice enough chap but too young for me so I told him I am like the Auntie but Untouchable. He quipped that he hoped I wasn’t the creepy kind of Auntie and I retorted ew, no never. I am definitely the casino “Untouchable Auntie”.

So he found an excuse to touch my corseted belly and commented that my under bust corset was tough and felt like armour. I nodded. There is a reason for that!

Some bikie dude with a leather vest frolicked past us and I watched him balefully. My new friend saw my eyes follow him carefully and said “SS”. I cringed but nodded. Possibly! I told him that believe it or not this place crawls with neo Nazis at times, so I am always hypervigilant.

I told him my mother grew up in the third Reich and my stepfather was a concentration camp survivor so I have trauma issues from both sides of that war. It can be very confusing to the uninitiated. But he nodded and said his English teacher had them watch Schindler’s List in 1993 and it was harrowing. I nodded.

I did not tell him about my former outlaw clubhouse connection who had been a neo Nazi (but also Aboriginal, go figure!) and how he told me he had made his younger gf sit down and watch Schindler’s List and now they understood why Neo Nazism (any form of Nazism actually) was so very wrong.

As I had stated: Not my circus, not my monkeys. It’s not my job to convert fascists to the brighter side of life but if they have woken up to their intrinsic racism and bigotry after meeting me then that is an unexpected bonus.

Anyway my new Half-German/half-Scottish acquaintance seemed rather delighted that he had finally gained a measure of acceptance from me and I told him he was safe with me. ( not interested in him sexually).

He asked advice about another attractive Maori woman sitting nearby and I remarked that she was not giving off any signals of intention to be seduced so although she wore no wedding ring I suspect she is unavailable. So he thanked me for that insight with a British army salute. Weird but cute. I like him. Intelligent, witty, if a tad covert. We had fun dancing together anyway.

He also asked why I came to the casino with my heavy leather backpack. I shrugged and only half-joking told him I am a Jew and I carry supplies with me in case I need to escape. (It actually contains my hairbrush, some spare makeup items, in case I ever go home with anyone) my notebook, my earphones, my purse, iPhone, tarot cards, keys, and other essentials ie hair elastics etc. (I once held together Jo’s broken shoe with my MacGyver-type invention of putting hair elastics on her shoe!)

Anyway that old bag is falling apart and I have another one on order which is much smaller so I will have to declutter my “escape” baggage.

I had no trouble validating my parking even though my enemy was on duty. I just clicked my tongue in disgust and politely handed him my card and he politely validated and handed it back and wished me a good evening. So I can see he has been remonstrated vis-à-vis my complaint about his harassment.

So another minor victory...for now. I am rather exhausted of constantly having to fight for myself but all good.

Anyway laila Tov/boker Tov! Good morning! It’s 4.48 am and I need to sleep soon as I only had 3 hours sleep yesterday!

If I don’t get enough sleep today I will tip into hypomania and you poor beloveds will be subjected to my insanely creative ramblings. Oops, sorry in advance!

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Something really magical and beautiful has begun to unfold inside my heart and mind like an unfurling lotus that must honour the integrity of its locus while keeping focus on the inevitable hocus pocus of a long period of stymied love: stifled and stuttered like a dying flame igniting a fire that burns with hope and a hunger for truth and decency, fragile flickering yearning for the devil that played me while a thousand angels sighed and wept but never stopped believing in me.

I am beginning to heal but I fear this new cloak that barely covers my rent undergarments of shame and rejection and circumspection.

Be whom you were before Life and shitty vapid soulless people fucked you up and over and you lost your vibe to scribe and deny as you knew all along you deserved so much more than the crumbs from that glutted table.

Unfuck yourself and go out into the world to smile and beguile as the ghosts of former lovers will shadow you and the stalkers will cramp you but real loves, Holy and true will keep you precious and cherish you so you can begin again and again, in a coat of many colours on a psychedelic dream and the stream of consciousness runs deep like a cavernous underground river but you know how many mountains you have climbed and yet sublimely, you fly over one more and gnaw the jaw of death and destruction and denounce the desecration and light the souls of the damned to be beacons for the lost and broken.

9 December 2016

Bloody bollocky catsssssss. Woke me up at 4.14 am.

9 December 2015

Hot hot hot in Brisbane city today. I have been out to get some groceries. Time to rest in my hammock with my pupsicle delight!

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Typical April Wellington weather. I didn't see my mother for 48 hours as she was so ill from the toxaemia and the Caesarian and the 7 day labour (in and out of it).

I was a month premature, covered in a fine down of hair. My father held me first. He marvelled that I had my mother's beautiful shaped legs. He was a loving father in my infancy.

I was a sickly baby. Failure to thrive and vomited up my food so much I was put in hospital. The nurses fed me 2 whole bottles of milk after which I burped and passed out. Then slept an entire day.

All the stress of my parents' screaming, and ad hoc parenting styles meant I was often so hungry that I grew frantic, so projectile vomited whatever they gave me. All they had to do was remain calm and keep feeding me until I was satiated. (Not much has changed there, I still throw a tantrum when I am very hungry).

I breastfed both my children. I wanted to make sure they were always well-fed. My milk was thin when I had Jasmine so the Plunkett nurse made me supplement her milk with formula. She grew to be a picky difficult eater.

Crystal, however has my appetite and my "Hangries". We call it the Hungry Beast in my family.

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9 December 2014

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I had a lovely afternoon, having lunch with Melvyn and looking at the shops and caught up with Louise at David Jones.

Life is good and it was a minor miracle I got home in time to resuscitate 4 of my 6 big goldfish. So sad I lost the 2 big boys.

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I got home from my afternoon in the city just in time to discover my main fish pond has tipped over, the water all drained out, and the fish gasping for air.

So it was action stations. I picked up my dying fish and threw them into a container of rain water which fortunately was close by.

Then I repositioned the pond and filled it back up. I had to put all the stones, pump and filter set up, water lotus bowl, everything back in the pond.

I lost 2 of my largest fish. So just as the storm began to hit, I buried them under my lime tree then came inside for shelter.

I don't know how a 200 litre pond could have fallen over like that. It smacks of vandalism as it was too heavy to topple by itself.

If it ever happens again, I will have to report it to the police as it is just plain weird that it was lying on its side, all empty. The pump was still running but I got there in time to save some of the fish, and turn off the pump and refill it.

There is never a dull moment at my house!

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12.17 pm having lunch with my cousin, Melvyn @ Myer Centre food court. We try to catch up once a month.

Louise Saragossi: If your in myer food court I am working in dj queens plaza. On the ground floor cosmetics. Let me know if you wNt to meet after.

Me: I was just in there, lol. I will pop in say hello!

9 December 2013

Jarrod took Crystal and I out to dinner and after that we had a long walk along the river at Newstead. We had a lovely time.

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I am getting my hair done so will be looking all schmick for the weekend :-).

I was very ill last night so it was hard to drag myself out of bed.

Lyn came over and brought me bread to freeze down which is awesome.

I am going to the city on Wednesday to meet up with my cousin Melvyn which will be nice to catch up!

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9 December 2012

On bus home. Crippled feet! Argghh! Have taken boots off for walk home from the bus! My midget friend Nibor invited me to go to Dubai with him for a week or two! Very sweet of him and Very Tempting! Lol!

He was asking for kisses but I fended him off by saying everyone in the Casino would want one! There were a few very confused and jealous faces.

One guy I had danced with most of the night got rather threatened by me dancing with my Little Man Friend! His issue I guess. We had a great time. Kylie and I danced even when I couldn't stand on my boots anymore. I sat down and danced with my upper body instead.

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Feet still crippled! Had to rub Deep Heat on them so I could sleep this morning at 5 am Lol! Just woke up at 2.27 pm but feel good! Meeting heaps of people and forming "Casino Friendships".

I will have to stay alert however, as Steve "The Angel" noticeably kept an eagle eye on me and then danced right near me, so I turned my back to him to let him know he is not yet forgiven. It was a bit awkward as he was right next to me and I was dancing with Kylie and Nev also I didn't want to cause a scene by telling him to piss off.

He looked so happy and sort of bouncy that I decided to let him continue dancing near me but Didn't engage with him. Lol! He reminds me of this Big Bouncy Labrador but I think given his capability to be a Forensic Patient in the making, potentially dangerous.

I saw Jason who mysteriously also happened to be dancing next to me with some woman but we both turned our backs to each other (funny!) and he took to passionately kissing her so I was glad he was happy but his vague efforts to make me jealous were wasted as I don't want to be in a relationship with a stingy man ever again! So that was a close shave!

I was hoping I might see the guy I met last week but he wasn't there :( but I still had a fantastic time even though my "stalkers" upped the ante by trying to get in my personal space! Steve amused me greatly!

He thinks he can interfere in my love life, have me yell at him, that I will forgive so easily only weeks later? Ha! He has no idea how I operate. Even if I do forgive him, the level of trust and respect would never be there.

So he is doomed as far as any hope of a friendship with me unless he explains and/ or apologises! No more 2nd or 3rd chances for the Psycho/sociopaths in my world!

One man I danced with last night, who I was flirting with, while dancing with another guy told me I was a Trouble maker! I informed him that I was only playing and having fun but that as far as trouble goes, I never started a fight in my life but I have finished every one of them!

I also told him that I take orders from no man and I do what I want! So he declared I was a dangerous woman then. So I smiled in agreement and said "If you can't handle it, it's not my issue!" Laughed and danced away. I observed him dancing but watching me later also, from the vantage of safety in the crowd of the dancefloor! Ha! I think he was a bit intrigued. Oh well!

9 December 2011

This tired Warrior has no Mazel, but I have something better! A very angry Barrister and a very angry Solicitor who will make mince meat out of the evil Scherer Scheisters, liars, thieves and conartists on our day in Court. I am looking forward to Truth, Justice and the Australian Way coming to my aid on the day!

They wasted an entire day in mediation to give me a paltry offer which my Barrister immediately rebuffed. I am so glad he did and even better is willing to expend more time and money (his!) on a trial. That is how much he believes in me and my integrity as a person! So Woohooo!

9 December 2009

Living La Vida Loca while trying to reaffirm my Locus - am I all Right or 'Alf Left, Left of the Middle or Rightly Left?

Copyright Tanya Désirée Arons