Memories: 4 March 2023

4 March 2024

It was a grey, windy overcast day but scathingly humid. I woke up rather late (11:41 am) after a bad night of insomnia then finally passing out around 5:30 am. I quickly took my bladder medication which was supposed to be taken at 10 am. Also my vitamin D and folic acid then hit the ground running. I made my daily vlog on YouTube. Then spent the rest of the day, pottering.

I feel quite tired and drained today but glad I was still productive.

4 March 2023

3.10 am home from a great night of dancing. My feet hurt even though I wore my flat Roman style sandals which have straps that crisscross my legs. I am a tad exhausted as I worked hard making copper bangles yesterday.

Everyone was very sweet and affectionate tonight. It was a quiet night so less people, but I danced until 2 am then grabbed some chips, gobbled them down then hobbled painfully to my car.

I got home, ate some grapes and chocolate, drank a cup of tea.

Now it’s time to sleep, if my brain will let me.

4 March 2020

Back from doctors and Woolies. I have antibiotics for chest and ear drops with steroid for the ear. I feel weak and wrung out. My blood pressure is low. But I will get through this current illness. Eventually ;-)

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Crazy people have only focused on Shit for the impending Coronavirus. Fortunately my lovely friend Lyn has already bought me some toilet paper, as I have been too sick to get to the shops until today. Even then I am pushing my trolley like a zombie. Can’t wait to get back to my bed!

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12:27 am oh my just woke up from the most powerful intense dreams. Wow! Mind blown. Dreamt of Lucy, with baby Rider. We were driving around in my old car. I was putting him into his baby capsule and worrying that he was safe.

She was lucid and wise. Strange dream with me driving her all over town.

There were more dreams about going to some festival and running into a former employees fish and chip shop (I did not know who owned it when I walked in!) and ordering pineapple fritters then calling them out on their bullshit as they had so viciously betrayed me when I left my husband and was forced out of my business. Hmm. They could not look me square in the eye!

Next dream I was asking an uncle about our family history. He told me this wild story that our grandmother had been happily married before to a man (a lance admiral?!) for 7 years but no children, but he fell in love with someone else and she lost her mind then married my grandfather and had the boys (none of this is true in real life!) but the story was so interesting I said I need to record this or I’ll forget!!!

Then two aunts dressed in 1920’s clothing giggling mischievously took me into the kitchen and we were laughing in great frivolity. I said “I need to pee” so one led me to this beautiful bathroom all done in Black and white mosaic. It was a large square room all mosaiced. Even the walls.

Along the walls were hung beautiful dresses, all 1920s fashions. The toilet was covered in some material. I lifted up the back and sat down to pee but I noticed to my horror that the pee seemed to be leaking out under the pedestal and was trailing towards some of the hems on the dresses on the opposite wall.

I was embarrassed and conflicted. I wondered why they did not tell me the loo was bloody broken. I stressed how I was going to save the dresses.

I also dreamt of being on a small charter boat in very high seas. With Eva. I was talking to her non-stop and had not noticed our boat was sinking. She was inundated with water. So I grabbed her and took off her seat belt (huh? Seatbelts on a boat) and held her high over my head and pounded on her back to try to get the water out of her lungs.

Just then all these rescuers arrived in rubber dinghies. They grabbed my grandmother Eva (who looked just as she did in the 1940s) and pulled her into the dinghy then I jumped in after her. One of the men looked at me. “you have been very brave Tanya!” I just rolled my eyes. No fear in this dream at all.

But I must get up now and get ready to see my doctor. Oh boy. My first decent sleep and constant psychedelic dreams. The spirits have been busy!

4 March 2017

4.41 am. Home safe, in a hot bath, unfurling my tight muscles in my feet, and thighs and knees.

Toni Childs sang Beautifully. I was so happy to see her perform live. She was generous to the crowd. My friend Chris enjoyed her performance too.

Then we went to the casino and danced until the early hours of the morning.

I had a great night in spite of my harrowing news yesterday afternoon.

I feel exhausted and numb but grateful for a night spent with beautiful soulful people and the loving support of all my friends here on Facebook and in real world. Love you all!

There is great power not just in Toni's voice but in her message. I found it very healing. She has evolved into a beautiful butterfly from her youth when her songs spoke of survival with a peremptory kind of rage (much appreciated and beloved by those like myself who had to fight for our tiny inner child's spot on this planet with a cosmic scream and stream of consciousness).

But we are older and wiser and we know all things evolve and revolve on the planetary alignment and we must honour our Earth, and our vessel to return to our default of Wholeness.

We must leave the Earth a better place than when we came onto it or our legacy for future generations is blighted and stymied and lost. We have lost so much already but we can blossom again.

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(See File photo: he died on 3 March 2017 from kidney sepsis three days short of his 89th birthday. The Home he was living in failed to take him to hospital in a timely manner. It was tantamount to manslaughter. Shepparton, Victoria, Australia. Another evil place!

If he had been a decent, kind, loyal, protective, loving, safe father, I would have found the resources somehow to sue the Victorian government and that aged care facility for his murder! But I am done battling for my family of origin that never actually cared enough about me as a little girl to keep me safe. So fuck them!)

But life proves men are mere mortals after all and some… huh! Not worthy of the title Father but nevertheless, Vale. I sure as shit hope he does not come to join with me in the next life or the one after that. Take all the other Davids with you. Hahaha. I am done with Davidian Reptilians, at least for this life incarnation. ;-)

*npc not box

4 March 2016

Beauregard and I are at the dog park. I should have taken my ventolin before I left. I have been naughty. Just going to sit here and hope that more puppies come along so Bobo can play. There are lots of large dogs in the big dog area.

The hens are having a well-deserved break from Bobo's attentions. Little Frieda is the only one still laying. One tiny egg a day. She is a champion. Heidi has dropped all her feathers and looks quite tiny and scruffy. So far he hasn't killed any of them.

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Happy day today. Rosco and Jacki came to do the lawns. The garden looks lovely and tidy again.

I had a long rest as my chest is no good then went down to pick up my jewellery repairs. Then bought a few groceries. Now back home, sitting in the garden with Beauregard, enjoying the sweet day. Not too hot this afternoon. A lovely breeze, blue skies, sunshine. Bliss!

4 March 2015

5.29 pm. Heading home from Garden city. The place is massive now but the revamped food courts all look lovely. I am so tired.

My Doctor keeps telling me how highly intelligent I am but my life is a constant shambles from abuse and trauma. I am never gonna make it as a productive member of society. I must try to write my book but every day is such a battle.

I told him about that nasty Dermatologist bitch online. He said "yeah. Skin deep only. Can't connect to people from their precious middle class existence. " So fucking mindless. Child sexual abuse happens in all echelons of society. It's not just happening to the dirt poor.

Anyway, off to Byron on friday. I need it. I've been trying to get there since November.

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Just saw my wonderful Doctor! He advises me to go to Byron and spend the day in the sea. Best cure for me. So I am going on Friday. (My rego runs out on 12th so I will be carless soon.). So I will put some oil in the car and we will have a daytrip. Sorely needed.

4 March 2014

Tonight I feel a bit violated lol. Gail and Tayhlia arrived, even though I was expecting to go to her place to drop off the 'goodies'. Tayhlia whipped through the house like a Tornado and was going through every room, pulling out stuff.

I got increasingly more anxious as I am sure last time she visited she put a large chip in my crystal dish that I keep on the antique 'credenza' thingy in the front room.

I know it was undamaged previously and I stepped on the crystal chip afterwards. The dish is enormous and was valuable but now is a worthless trinket. So when she disappeared into other rooms I got increasingly vigilant.

I ended up shutting Ramon (my daughter’s pet rabbit) in the back room to keep him safe from her, so instead she hassled Penny cat. Eventually she tipped over an entire glass of lemonade. (This I did not get upset about as I saw myself it was an 'accident' and lemonade can be wiped up but my expensive ornaments inherited from my mother, and my own collection cannot be replaced.

I gave Gail the lovely woollen jumpers I found in the skip. Pure wool and a lovely pink one for Tayhlia. I gave T the One Direction doll, and Gail the vacuum cleaner that I brought home as Lucy needs a vacuum cleaner. So I found a good home for the stuff I acquired.

I also gave her a laptop bag and a few other schmontzes. Then Tayhlia demanded the coin collection. I got really pissed off. I said “Tahylia, I've already given you heaps of really cool things, that's enough now”. I also shared the lovely bread I get from Lyn, with Gail.

No boundaries! Come into my life like a Wrecking Ball, and leave me feeling exhausted and Plucked like a chicken. Poor Gail is exhausted also, as Tahylia is nearly unmanageable.

She even joked with me that Tayhlia was going through my house like my younger daughter Jasmine, ripping open cupboards, drawers etc. I would never ever go to someone's home and VIOLATE their space like that. It just blows my mind that people think it's ok to treat me like this. Imagine how they would behave if I were Wealthy???

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Today I had my stitches removed from my hand. It was a cancer but early stages so I will have to be vigilant with my skin and go see him if any new lumps or bumps come up.

At least there were no more that needed excising. The wound is still healing. I am glad that is over with.

Now just need another blood test to check on my B12 levels which were low last time I had a blood test. More meat, eggs, dairy in my diet. Hmmm!

4 March 2013

12.32pm. Awake! To...gulp...actual Sunshine! Faith and Begorrah! Is this a lucid Dream? Lyn was right last night! The wind has driven off the rain! For once I am glad it's windy. Brisbane weather is getting very Wellington-esque! Need to rush out and hang out washing which I brought in last night to re-wash. Epic!

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I had a lovely day. Now time to attempt sleep! 3.07 am! Interesting Love Energy too! I got told by two different people that my skin had a lovely glow! I told them it was just Menopause but after the second person commented on how lovely I look I started to ponder what this means Lol!

I guess the exuberance is spreading across my face! Cool!

4 March 2011

A quiet day, sitting out the rain, and going through my card collection tonight. I have kept so much stuff over the years, so it's time to cull I guess.

Sad to see old xmas and birthday cards from my sister and niece 'pretending to like me' and being so patronising. I think I'll cut out the prettier pictures and throw the cards out. No point being sentimental about false people anymore.

Copyright Tanya Désirée Arons