Memories: 29 November 2023

29 November 2023

29 November 2021

I am really struggling mentally today. Difficulty in framing any sort of coherence in this Covid Paradigm. The ugliness of other mortals et al.

Time to step away from fb and sit in my garden and breathe Light love and the infinite kindness of the earth.

29 November 2020

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This morning I had an erotic dream. Which is highly unusual for me.

I was staying in a hotel with two other women. One was a childhood friend whom I actually contacted yesterday (who is always ambivalent and tells me she is working long hours...so I will write her off... she makes no effort to maintain our friendship so...painfully... fuck that!). The other woman looked like a friend’s sister.

Anyway we had shared a hotel suite as we had gone to see a band. (Also something I have never done...stayed in a hotel in order to see a band!)

The room was full of light. It was a nice clean airy hotel room with white doona and sheets.

Anyway somehow they brought this young man up to our room. He was so white his skin almost glowed. Blonde, lithe, slim. I had not taken too much notice of him and thought he was interested in my friend. (in real life I often miss these vital cues lol)

Anyway my childhood friend left to find her other lesbian friends, the other woman left to go get drunk.

I said to the young man “I am not going to have sex with you or anyone!” He said very politely “Oh, that is great! But I just want to enjoy your company”. I rolled my eyes.

Anyway the dreamscape shifted to me asking the guy what he did for a living? “Skiing” he said. “Oh” I replied “I like skiing. That’s another thing I haven’t done in decades!”

So he sorta lies on top of me and kisses me. His body feels light and somehow I welcome him. He kisses me. A shy tentative kiss. Our tongues gently touch each other and I feel this electric thrill of long-contained passion.

In my mind I am saying to myself “Don’t do it Tanya...a fucking Ski Instructor...Jesus!” (Even in my dreams I am a realist)

The door flings open and it’s the friend’s sister. Her eyes are bloodshot from booze and she is staggering and looks at us on the bed and starts to cry.

“Come back in 30 minutes!” It seems I am suddenly determined to have the sex I was not planning on having! Typical!

I woke up. Feeling the power of that gentle persuasive kiss.

Remember it’s a dream and that one had so many red flags it was going to be a nightmare! Or perhaps not... perhaps one of my casual encounters that did not wreak much harm as they flew by night and were gone in the morning. No hassles, no epic fucking stalking...no falling in complicated messy love.

Yes... I like that outcome much better.

But I am writing this down as it was the kiss that was the message. A sweetness. It’s been so long since I have experienced sweet romantic love that it struck me as rather odd.

There is only one whose kisses I miss and well... he turned out to be a Machiavellian trickster spirit Dybbuk - ridden fool, fuelled by envy and spite. I love him anyway.

It’s very ironic that the only true love comes to me in the form of pets, small children and heart-centred true friends. But so ennobling and gracious. Better than any false feckless faithless Lover Man!

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2:28 am I am unable to sleep. I have been overly stimulated and restless all day yesterday. I should be exhausted. But I lie here fighting off sleep.

I had a powerful urge to go to the casino earlier tonight. But decided there is no point as there is no dancing. It really felt like “the call of the wild”!

Instead I spent the evening decoupaging two boxes while watching a show on Stan called “Gangs of London”. Well half watching...more listening to it as I had to concentrate on glueing pictures down.

I set up one of my looms yesterday afternoon, intending to start another tapestry weaving. This is unusual as I have not even formulated a design and I have not done a weaving for about 10 years. But I sat on my hammock in the hot afternoon sun and prepared the loom.

I had to laugh at the fact that I still had the original Sewing string that I bought when I did my first weaving for Taly’s class back in 1985. I am such a hoarder, but it has come into good use!

Peter and Robyn stopped by with their little dog Koko who is madly in love with me. They said she refused to budge from my front gate the past two days as I was not home and she missed me.

Sweet! They admired my newly completed mosaic table and offered me wool for my stash when they saw my loom (and the loom I rescued from their kerbside collection). Peter said his father had made it.

So I have been frenetically busy in the past few months. Yesterday was intense! I would get in my hammock, read a few paragraphs, then jump out to move the garden hose around the garden, make a cup of tea, or pour water to drink, constantly unable to settle down and relax. It was like I am anticipating some marvellous event!

But the only exciting thing is its a Blue Moon and Mama T has some Moon Madness or hypomania on board!

I should have gone out. At least for a quick flick of the pokies and a drink. but I have zero interest in the pokies and sitting around drinking without a live band is just boring to me. Also being a sitting duck for every weirdo in the Brisbane CBD would just irritate me.

But the moon is full, my heart is full and I have an abundance of psychic energy to burn.

I shall channel that into getting some housework done tomorrow.

29 November 2019

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Another one bites the dust...

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Strong smell of cigar smoke wafting through my open window. So it’s either a spirit or my neighbour is smoking near my house. Although he only smokes cigarettes. Odd!

Laura Martin: Maybe you are being haunted by Groucho Marx. 🤔

Me: hahaha

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Sitting at Pathology for my long put-off blood test, as I promised my doctor on Monday then promptly had a severe gastric (and asthma event) on Tuesday evening. I am like death only slightly warmed up so the blood results should be interesting.

However as usual I am a force of indomitable will, even to be up dressed and out this early in the morning!

My lungs are baddd mmmmk but that is nothing unusual. The rising and shining is in a stage of metamorphosis (hack!) I had moments of almost hysteria in past few days but surfed those emotions too.

My body is amazing. She won’t let go. Of life. Of Love. Of Hope.

29 November 2016

29 November 2015

Jarrod and I are continuing the Pupparazzi Saga. New puppy, same hammocks, listening to Chris Isaack and counting our blessings that this time De Mama has a healthy dog that cannot be held hostage by the original sociopath owner lmao.

He is a happy little fella. This time Sophie rather likes him and Penny gave him the hump. Can't please all the animals all of the time but Penny did fall in love with Alcide instantly which for a cat mother is highly unusual! Mushu likes him and Socks is still ambivalent.

Jarrod requests that our Sunday night Hammock fest no longer involves driving all over Brisbane to buy puppies. We bought Beauregard from Inala lol. The gps sent us in giant circles of Brisbane twice before we finally got to the address in Inala.

It was like a road to discovery or a nervous breakdown. Lol! Jarrod was so stressed he bit his tongue. I was swearing at the machine that it was most definitely not at Moggill and it was an idiot. I swore a lot and got hysterical and said "Maybe it is a sign to give up on getting a puppy".

On the way back home with our new "Beau" we saw a license plate in front of us that said "Beau 63". Beau is 6 weeks old, 3 weeks younger than Alcide. We also saw a plate that said Wak. I said to Jarrod, I support the Waks family so this is another confirmation that I did the right thing buying little Beauregard. We were even driving on Beaudesert Rd lol.

Also Beau is the masculine name for Bella, my beautiful little girl Pomeranian that died in 2007. So fingers crossed this one is my furever friend.

Terina Edwards: Fingers crossed for you that this turns out beautifully

Me: Please g-d. Calling breakdowns. Buying happiness in the form of fur babies is getting dangerous 😉

Terina Edwards: No you have a beautiful new soul in your care xx

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The breeder lied to me about Alcide being sick for rest of his life. He is fine. So she basically refunded my money, didn't tell me he was fine and is going to resell him for full price. She maligned me on her page. I am horrified!

A friend went on her group page and saw the lies she told about me. She defended me. So no Alcide but I am relieved he is healthy again. I suspect she lied to me about him staying overnight at her vet also.

I am stunned, hurt and mortified. I fall for every sociopath on the planet. The truth came out very quickly as it always does.

Jarrod is helping me find another puppy. So I will try again to get an assistance dog and another soulmate.

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4.03 am home from dancing with Mission X. Rocked out like a wild child on acid. Hmmmm! I can't feel my feet...again.

I actually met a guy who seemed interesting but I got put off by his overtly sexual offers. Ugh! I am not interested in men who have no real seduction techniques except to be crass.

I am definitely no longer available. The whole thing bores me to tears. Done with liars, cheats and creeps. Prefer to dance and come home alone to my cats. Yup. Crazy cat crone!

I miss Alcide and I miss a decent man but you know, the house is quiet and peaceful. Why complicate my life and sacrifice my freedom?!

29 November 2014

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On the way home to Crystal's place, we went freeganing. We got a big bag of Macadamia nuts, fresh from the trees. So excited!

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Today in Byron Bay we found a shop called Sacred Geometry that sold the most stunning carved wands and amazing sacred geometric jewellery. There was a wand I dearly wanted carved as a Mermaid, and another as a Black raven. I wanted them sooo Baddd. I wish I had a spare $200 to buy the mermaid. She was amazing!

Then I went into another shop and got chatting to a young woman who had a Mermaid painted on the back wall of her shop. She encouraged me to move to Byron, or at least to visit more often.

Then the visitation from the frog happened.

It was an awesome day! I feel very happy and blessed.

Laila Tov! Good night!

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12.47 pm. Just woke up. My mouth is still sore where she did the injection. Swollen, tender. Dammit. My achilles heels hurt in Both feet. Wtf?

I will be resting today. It hurts to walk. If I feel better tonight, I might go dancing. I will see how I feel.

I am so glad I had such a beautiful day at Byron Bay with Jarrod and Crystal. I catch myself staring at her with such immense love that it is almost a tad creepy. Mothers can be weird. Lol.

I know she will be gone in 6 months time so I just want to eat her up while she is still with me. Poor kid! 29 and so amazingly beautiful and talented but oblivious to how much De Mama adores her.

I also adore my friend Jarrod. My God, I am blessed with such awesome devoted friends. I have to ask myself why on earth, with my track history of Romantic Nightmares, would I ever pine for a sexual partner to settle down for longevity with me?

My friends have stood with me through the good bad and uglies and downright written-off disasters in my life and have raised me up each time I fell into the abyss of destiny's shithole and breathed love, light, peace back into me with balms of trust, faith, hope and so much Love.

Who am I to doubt that I am a worthy person in this planet. They never let me go. They never forget me and they never stop loving me, for who I am and whom I yet may be.

Blessed, blessed loved and loveable Woman here!

29 November 2013

No dancing or drinking for the Wild One this weekend. Awwww! Foot still can't bear my weight let alone leap about on it, and the heavy antibiotics are killing me. I feel weak as a dead kitten.

I saw my shrink who commented how flat I look. So he told me to take Yakult cos the antibiotics make you feel sick cos they kill all the good stuff in the bowel.

So I bought some. Hopefully I will be back on my feet with my superlative Zest for Life by next weekend.

29 November 2012

Lyn bought me the baby monitor and it is on now. We went to the Police and reported the incident. Council phoned me and they have informed the guy with the Alsatian that he will get fined next time and he has 7 days to register his dog.

They also told me they were concerned about other dogs in my street and will be speaking to owners. Hmmm, now waiting for retaliation from Rex's owner as he told Council he knew who reported him for walking his dog off-leash.

Really glad Lyn brought over the monitor as he won't suspect that I am prepared this time and can hear any fracas in the backyard.

29 November 2011

I saw the doctor today who as per usual (all of them!) couldn't find anything wrong with my chest which is irksome as I still feel very tight! Oh well. At least the Prednisone has opened up the airways so I am coughing a lot less and feeling about 75% better.

I'm going to have a chest x-ray as Gail insists I should have one. I had a nice day with Gail and Tahylia, fish and chips for dinner and a nice bottle of wine I shared with Gail!

Michelle Sklow Stevens: I hope you continue to feel better.

Me: Thanks Michelle! Been sick for 21 days. Mediation is on 9th Dec so I hope I am fully recovered by then as it will be a harrowing day! Jarrod, Lyn and Crystal will be coming with me that day as my support team!

Sybil Colvin: have read all info My thoughts & love will be with you on the 9th

Me: Thanks Sybil. My lawyer says most of it is rubbish but the letter from my sister they used as evidence actually corroborates my affidavit about our childhood, so will actually help my case rather that destabilize it as the Scherers hoped!

So I feel less brutalized now. Unfortunately there will be more muck thrown before Friday! I just have to try to ignore them.

Michelle Sklow Stevens: Tanya, I want you to know that you will be in my mind and prayers for your ordeal on Friday.

If only all the people who know and love you could change all of this experience for you we would script it SO differently. You deserve love and kindness and great happiness.

Me: Thank you so much, Michelle! I have been surrounded by great Evil all my life and have had to Fight for my very Survival from my own Blood and their Henchmen.

The Scherers are the last Wickedness from my mother's and her husband's Residual Evil Viciousness Greed and Lies about me. They have sent so much Vileness as Evidence for the Court that it is laughable.

Old crazy paranoid letters from Buck, lying Stat Decs from his associates. My lawyer says most of it is nonsensical rubbish not even allowed in Court.

Only the letter from Angela to my mother in 2000 and the unsigned Will from 2000 actually vindicate my Testimony on my original Affadavit for my claim to the Estate.

So the Judge will immediately see I have only been Truthful and the lying accusations of those evil pple will go against them. Or so I hope!

Michelle, if I lose this case and continue on in Poverty, I will know that Evil always wins and there is no Justice for me in this world. I cannot bear the thought of that, so I fight on. I think of myself as a Great Warrior but I am hurt and tired and I know I deserve a much much better Life than this!

Thank you for your Love and Support! This little Warrior has been gifted in Life with Beautiful Friends who love me, uphold me, fight along side with me when they can, encourage me, guide me and let me run Free without judgement or criticism.

This has been my true Wealth and Joy in life. Without these nurturing Souls I would not be here Today! This is my Blessing!

My only hope now is for a better Future cleansed and rejuvenated, shining, joyous, wise, peaceful and filled and surrounded by Love so I can Flourish instead of merely Survive. I think I can see this is a real possibility!

Love Tanya xxx

Copyright Tanya Désirée Arons