Memories: 25 January 2023

25 January 2023

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Today was very hot but I spent it quietly. I had a visit from little Koko and later took Beauregard and Charley for a walk around the block.

We stopped by to visit Rosie the Labrador so I got lots more Labrador cuddles as well. She hurled herself into my lap with glee. Such a loving dog! I chatted to Margot and the children too.

Then we continued on with our customary promenade and visited Blueboy the blue heeler. He too, was happy to see me.

Then we kept walking and gave Miss Koko another brief visit. Then back home we went.

I love all my dog friends. I love my human friends too! 🙂

25 January 2021

5:36 am. Not much sleep. Or rather lots of broken sleep. Sore rib cage since yesterday. Exhaustion from dancing on Friday. My big toes both feel stiff and tender.

I need to build up my stamina after the long (1 year) enforced Covid break from dancing. But then it always used to take me three or four days to recover after dancing so I need to just be gentle with myself.

I had a good time. Even if it still hurts. My lungs feel tight too. Perhaps that is the source of the aching intercostal muscles. Bloody sleep apnoea is probably slowly killing me too. Plus menopause. Hot and sticky and tetchy.

No epic weird psychedelic dreams this morning so at least my brain is settling down a bit.

It’s raining. It’s been raining on and off during the night. I am stressing about the lawnmowing again. Bloody nuisance.

Ahh well. I bought an apothecary cabinet on Marketplace so am going to pick that up at 2 pm so I am excited about that. It was $40. I was looking for a small coffee table to have beside my lounger outside. So this might do the trick. It was a bargain so I grabbed it immediately.

Tomorrow is a public holiday so I will have to get a few groceries too. The day stretches ahead of me like an abyss. Yesterday was hard too. I could not settle my mind or spirit.

The only highlight was when Robyn stopped by briefly with her little grandson so I got a ladder out for him so he could climb up and see the possum in her possum box in the tree.

Then I gave him a lollipop. He does not usually accept lollies. Sweet kid. I asked him what the best part of his visit was? The possum or the lollipop? Very enthusiastically he replied “the lollipop!” I laughed.

Little Koko ran around the garden with Bobo and they were very playful and excited too. It was gorgeous.

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25 January 2020

10:13 am I woke up with earache in my left ear again. Grrrr. It constantly flares up with the heat.

Last night I drove to Eat Street markets with Bobo to deliver a bag of beads to a gorgeous lady I met there (almost a year ago!) who is moving her stall to Cairns. I wanted to make good on my promise, even though I will probably never see her again. We are friends on Instagram.

But when I got there she was not there so I gave the bag to her employee instead. I hope she gives them to her.

It was scathing hot but there were a lot of breezes near the river. At one point the wind blew my dress up and I had to fight to get it down. Other women behind me had the same problem as they cried out in embarrassment. It reminded me of the constant high winds in Wellington.

The place was crowded. It’s wonderful there but I was riddled with anxiety (about not getting a chance to say goodbye to Maggie and the wasted trip with the beads) and Bobo was anxious about the other dogs too!

So I didn’t stay to get a meal. I wasn’t hungry. This heat is killing me. So we walked around a bit then got back in the car and drove home. The highlight of our little sojourn was the air conditioning in the car! Even Bobo enjoyed it.

Four more sleeps until I get the new air conditioning installed in the lounge. Omg! So exciting. I won’t know myself!!!

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I made an executive decision to get properly dressed (minus a bra!) but now rivers of sweat are pouring from me. It’s humid. It’s Australia. I can hardly wait for my wonderful Benefactor’s air con.

Maybe I should take another drive as the car air con is sublime? The humidity is intense as I just heard thunder. So a storm is building. May it bring me a measure of release and relief.

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Thank you #David Langsam and #Lionel Mrocki for your kind support.

I will not go back to that page that is so fearful of a bestial raping tyrant that she shuts down my hangman’s humour.

I do hope Trump is removed expediently. The legal way. But I want no part in a news page that scurries for cover and accuses me of a “huff” when I state the fucken obvious. There are many who would gladly assassinate that man and for quite altruistic reasons.

Hypocrisy and cowardice dressed up as a faux concern for humanism does not sit well with me.

And yes, I have no money or fame to buy loyalty such as the user of that page. I am completely expedient. My own government has already tried to metaphorically and literally, kill me many times. Standing idly by while domestic terrorists (all fellow Jews and one a former sexual partner) got away with threatening me and my kids with violence for 18 months.

Ergo, I was so traumatised I ended up subsisting on a disability pension while the smug evil perverted bastards flourished.

Is it good or is it bad? That I can see where Trump is heading because I have a lived experience of severe deleterious abuse and trauma? It simply Is.

I am actually a good and peaceful person. How can you know? Of the 12 people who utterly destroyed my life over and over again, there are still 8 that are still living.

The rest died of natural attrition, my own mother rotting in her own shit and piss with Alzheimer’s as the gods meted out karma on my behalf. I was with that treacherous vile monster for her last 18 months of her life. There up until her death.

Yes. I honoured my own paedophile-enabling lying monster of a mother. Knowing that the will would be salacious and evil. It was so evil even Buck’s daughters tried to withhold it for three weeks. I had to get a lawyer to demand I be given a copy of it.

I too, to my own amazement, am still living. But when they come for me...Psy Sighs ...remember that I stood up and was counted.

Even when police refused to support me and aligned with my abusers. Even after the adult guardian took me into a separate room to apologise to me about their failures to recognise the narcopathy and abuse that gifted Buck Scherer, the thieving slanderous conman, who actively (via Terry Rosalio) threatened me and my children.

They hoped against all hope that I would kill myself so he could take my children and no doubt rape them in (the lavender room) he tried to lure my Jasmine to sleep over at!

Even when I wrote a 44 page complaint to the HRC about David Davidson’s abuses and Collusion with Buck Scherer and yet again nothing was done to protect me or my rights.

Too easy to demonise me and scapegoat me as crazy when I actually wrote the complete truth, even the bad bits about my love for a man who mock-raped me in front of his two little boys. The utter shame and degradation. Sick. All of it. I doubt I will ever recover from the viciousness and the constant betrayals.

So no...I did not kill myself. I feared my children being raped and tortured mentally more than my own death. I came close to dying several times. Asthma attacks, and both Terry and David’s strangulations.

Terry attacking my throat in the presence of my daughters. It took three people to pull him off me. My youngest hammering her little fists on his back. A trauma that she never recovered from and ultimately cost us our relationship as once again, I was blamed.

I get it. My kids were put through hell so Buck could steal $105k in cash, fuck my mother and then get away with stealing my inheritance. A million dollar home that he let fall into wrack and ruin so just as well I did not inherit it as I could not afford to fix it to a safe standard. The only people who truly prospered were the lawyers.

Death I no longer fear. I was “dead” for decades anyway, mollycoddled on heavy psych meds, trying to survive all those filthy evil bastards. A “death” which cost me relationships, prosperity and any kind of future.

So a huff I shall have, only this is no huff. This is me once again...saying No to arrant cowardly bullshit.

25 January 2019

Just had a cold shower as sick of being drenched in my own sweat.

Not pleasant at all! But water is life :-)

25 January 2018

Thank you G-d and the Angels, for another beautiful magical day in Byron Bay with my daughter, my nephew Mark, Ruby, Ayesha and Isaac.

I feel blessed and much loved, valued and appreciated. Byron always restores my fragile battle-worn Neshamah (Soul) to her default state.

Places of power and miracles and people who love me as I am without judgement or negativity are always a welcome experience.

Crystal and I stayed a bit longer and had felafels at Orgasmic Felafels and a lovely walk in the shallows. She took some lovely photos of us which I will share when she sends them to me.

My feet and legs grew very weary by nighttime, so my darling daughter drove the car there and back! I taught her how to use cruise control. We got breathalysed before we left Byron town but we had only drunk water.

We had a cup of tea back at my place and Crystal took my car as she needs to move stuff from her friend’s apartment as they have come back early. So tomorrow she is finding alternative accommodation. She refuses to stay in my home for even one night. Whatever!

I am very happy after the best summer I have had in many years. Lots of visits to Coochiemudlo Island and Byron Bay. Lots of precious time spent with gorgeous friends (and now with my Crystal Girl). No extreme tooth or jaw pain but weakness in my legs, feet and right elbow but that is just from fatigue.

Yayyy! The Tanya is getting better and will hopefully be fully healed in the next few years.

It’s all so miraculous and joyous and amazing!

25 January 2015

5.14 am another lovely night, hanging out with Helen. The things we saw! Which cannot be unseen! Festy men having their Moobs played with. Sleazy married footballers being caught out en flagrant.

I laughed so hard. Revenge is a dish best served cold. I shall sleep well, safe in the knowledge that I am safe from all that crap...for now.

Helen Ann: What a funny site ! Who needs movie tickets or tickets to a show .... Entertainment galour & abit of comedy all rolled into one at the Casino !!

Me: Yes, it was rather 'primitive' and insane lol! The Trolls were hilarious. Saw the meathead footballer outside with you know who in the morning. I just ignored them.

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4.28 pm up and at 'em. I will be resting tonight, methinks. Or that is my plan. Still processing the shenanigans of the Trolls last night. Pure Comedy.

By the end of the night one of my mates was declaring loudly that I am in the Mossad. I said, "Now Darling, you have just blown my cover, whatever will I do now?!"

Security kept throwing me odd looks. I wish I were Mossad but I am incapable of blending in and merging with the Mainstreamers so I would not make a very good international spy haha.

She kept telling her new Beau that I was jewish and lovingly repeating the Hebrew (g-ds Name) on my tattoo. Then she asked me if I do Krav Maga? I said "Yes, with my wit, humour and attitude."

Then she asked me for my coral necklace which is part of my inheritance. I said No. Get your own. Emulate is fine but get your own material. Haha. Drunk people. Very funny.

I won some money last night but gave $25 of it to my homeless friend, as he had showed me a fine for littering for $227 the cops had given him before I arrived . Fining a Homeless Man!!! Wtf?! I was outraged!

The place was trashed Friday night, the night before, but fining a homeless man who put down his coffee cup is insane, when they could be fining all the wealthy drunk gamblers that trash outside night after night.

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7.08 pm. Stinking Hot!!! So Gail, Tayhlia and me are going to Southbank for a night swim! Woohooo!

Helen: Walk across bridge Tanya & have a dance at casino !! Lol

Me: I had little Tayhlia with me, Helen, so no dancing tonight 😞. But we had a lovely refreshing swim, then fish and chips and for once Miss T was on her best behaviour (no epic scenes of Mass Destruction). I told her she had been so good I will take her out again. I think she was quite proud of herself.

She chose our table to sit at on the Boardwalk. Which was a very good choice next to the artificial creek and we were delighted to hear a frog or toad singing his boinking song. She helped me find my car in the parking area and gave me directions for the exit at the carpark.

Her little maniac genius mind just needs to be allowed to take charge. I actually faked not knowing the Exit so she could be kept busy giving me orders.

We arrived just in time to see the fireworks which was both a great surprise and delight for Miss T who said "You picked a good night to take us swimming Auntie". I said "I know, right, I didn't know there would be fireworks!"

So the whole outing was a happy spontaneous Adventure and I spent time dragging the kid around the Lagoon on her Boogie board then making her drag me around a bit. We had a lovely time.

I am so happy we went out but now back home to the stinking Humidity and my hot old Hobbit Hole.

I need to buy a portable Air Con one fine day but then for that I need lots of money lol.

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Home 15 minutes. Had a shower, already dripping in sweat. It's gonna be a long hot summer night.

25 January 2014

Where can I buy a fake actual size prawn for my barbie??? Any ideas?

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ooh ohhh forgot to tell you, WA Births deaths and marriages registrar have taken my money for the death certificate so I guess this means they have the records there, or they are at least searching for them. I expect I will get it in the mail next week. C.L.O.S.U.R.E.

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Not long awake, just had an awesome cool shower, washed my hair, cleansed off the Obsessive Compulsive negative energy of the Psychic Vampire, fed some mush to Tabitha, and water. Still not sure whether to euthanaise her yet. She is still weak but alive.

I only had 5 hours sleep, didn't take my usual Seroquel to knock myself out as I knew I needed to nurse Tabitha and be awake for that.

All this death chez moi has been a grim reminder of how precious LIFE really is and it must never be taken for granted. I used to pray to DIE and now I Love to Keep Living.

Being Older is a wonderful back-handed gift. On the one hand, you get wrinkly and worn out, sad, bitter, sick, but if you survive all that, you get to truly appreciate your own personal journey and be a guide and an inspiration to others.

Somehow you stumble across (between Life/Death/Life experiences and Dark Nights of the Soul) your own Power, Beauty and Awesomeness, and then you finally realise that noone and nothing can ever hold you down with a brick underwater ever again, cos you are going to Rise and Shine and keep shining, no matter who or what slams into you like a tsunami (except for genuine natural disasters, life threatening illnesses and other tragedies) you really can survive almost anything except your own Fear of LIFE. That will really mess with your mojo.

When you grow into your own personal Raison d'Etre, your own Mana, your own Universal Consciousness that is Unconditional love and other yummy stuff, (like loving psychic vampires but having the nouse to finally say NO) you earn, like a Merit Badge from the Holy of Holies, your own Happiness.

Note: I am not drunk, or stoned. I could only afford 2 drinks last night and was designated driver. This is me, on little sleep and my general 'insanity'. Which is pretty sane stuff most of the time but not everyone is on my wavelength or suffered and survived as much emotional trauma and generally unacceptable stuff as I have.

So yeah, basically for the uninitiated in The Tanya's World of the Psychedelic Dreamer I come across as very confronting and even scary.

Those who know and love me best, just nod and smile and might occasionally give me a hug. Awwww. Altogether now, awwww.

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just ended my friendship with Gail. I told her I was tired of her dumping about Pedro on me then making up with him. It's toxic and destructive. So she ended our friendship.

Wow! I have listened to her dumping on me about that man for 12 years and when I finally tell her that it's sickening, she gets mad at me...lol instead of the arsehole. Well I guess I am glad. I am free of that shit at last.

I have to pay her back the money I owe her, and get my costume jewellery back and then, peace at last. Phew. I wasn't expecting to come home from a night out to get this nonsense from her at 6.30 am.

She ruined my night out on 13th December whining about Pedro, then I took a break from her bs over the Christmas period for 2 weeks. Then she started up again the other day about how it's over with him, then this morning tells me she's back on with him. Omfg. I'm exhausted from years of this shit.

She's acting out with me cos I've been busy with a dying chicken, other friends, and my daughter. Well sorry but my world doesn't revolve around Pedro and his control issues and her need to leap how high, just for the sake of having a man in her orbit.

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6.25 am. been out all night with Sarah at Irish Murphy's. We danced all night. I got rather tired and as a consequence rather 'mad' at 3 am. We had fun dancing for a busker outside the kebab shop with a whole lot of random men. We sang along also.

I love that time of the morning when I can be as bonkers as I like and everyone else is drunk and assumes I am drunk too. The busker was so happy I made him money by being silly and dancing for him that he gave me $3 for a cappuccino. (George normally gets me a free coffee from the machine at the casino lol).

Anyway, it was a very cool night, glad I went out even though I was sick at heart about Miss Tabitha. She is still alive. I gave her some more water and yoghurt but if she doesn't improve today I will have to take her to a vet and euthanaise her.

Too much suffering and struggling is unfair on her. I am hoping now I'm giving her a bit of sustenance she might get stronger. However she might be too weak. Grrr, hate not knowing if I am making her better or worse but this is day four, so I am surprised she has survived this long.

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25 January 2012

I had a nice day...Gail took me grocery shopping then to my Psych who was very amused by my recounting of my romantic life recently LOL. It didn't rain so much today which was a welcome relief and I even took Miss Bella Rosa for a quick walk around the block.

25 January 2011

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Todah Rabah to my darling Heather for the lovely Book of Tehillim. I will use them well!

Copyright Tanya Désirée Arons