Memories: 23 March 2023

23 March 2024

Koala tavern, Capalaba 23 March 2024

I arrived slightly after 8 pm. Parked my car. Walked up to the tavern to be met by three aboriginal women (a mother and 2 daughters) having a massive argument. I walked by. Asked a security guard around the corner where the band is playing? Go back past the three women, still blue-ing.

The mother turns to me rather randomly and states “I was raised in a mission. I have no idea who my people are!” Meaning her original mob and family. Stolen generation. She had startling beautiful blue eyes soul deep, wracked with pain but a kind of etheric calm of a wounded mother.

The daughter still shrieking. I said to the mother “You are beautiful! I am so sorry, my darling! That would have been a harsh upbringing!” She looked at me with gratitude. I turned to the daughter and said “you need to all be kind to each other. We have all come through a serious hellscape in the past four years. Just be kind!

The daughter shrieks. You don’t understand..I have a terrible mother. I start to decompensate, looking at her beautiful mother.

We sank into each other eyes, soul kin, emotional pain bodies briefly merging. I turned to the daughter again. “I can’t go there with you Honey. I really did have a terrible mother. It’s too much. May you all be blessed by Biamee so you may know Peace!

The young woman says “don’t invoke the aboriginal name for god. There is no god!” I tell her, “did I pronounce your god’s name wrong? Did I insult you? That was not my intention”

Then quietly I said “Please don’t tell me there is no God, on top of everything else!”

I turn away to go find my band Alter Egos. The daughter sees my sorrow and disengagement and walks up to me and gives me a hug and kisses my cheek The mother nods sagely.

I walk away and as I approach the other end of the tavern where the band is already playing, I hear a song being piped outside about God. (Can’t think of the name of the song right now.lol). I thought, still walking past the bistro, oh wow…tonight is gonna be fucking spiritual. Every nerve ending came online.

I finally get to the club area and march in like a boss! lol As I do. Scott sees me walking in and grinned with delight. His whole face lit up. I motioned to him if it was all right to dance right in front of him. He nodded enthusiastically. I immediately started dancing.

Gave it my all. Who am I kidding, am I right?! There was only about twelve people in the whole club. But I still danced on my own for most of the night. Great.

Scott chatted to me in the first break. We talked about of all things, Bikies. I did myself no favours regaling him with stories about the bikie clubhouse I used to be a guest at for 8 months. Hilarious. Queen of sabotage. Mamma!! Never mind. All good. I am happy as a pig in mud. Also exhausted! But the night is not over yet…one more hour of dancing.

23 March 2023

I worked on my ring all day from 10 am until 4 pm. Exhausted but satisfied with my achievement.

23 March 2022

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23 March 2021

11:11 pm my Angels are sending me Earthangels...and even though I am exhausted and lack enough funds to buy some of the more expensive equipment I have been supported in what basic tools I need to buy so I can work towards my goals slowly at my own pace.

I feel excited and motivated and inspired for a much better future with lots of creativity and surrounded by people who actively encourage and support me.

I felt so sad about my casino dancing coming to an end but look what is unfolding for me! 9 years wasted in that den of iniquity, pouring my energy out on my “spot” hoping rather absurdly to meet a decent love partner!

I guess I can be happy that I kept fit and nurtured my body and soul enough to allow me the strength and courage to begin again...from scratch!

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I have had two women support me in my new silver flatware jewellery making project. One lovely woman in America sent me videos on what tools I need to buy and has been so generous with information.

I am truly grateful and amazed at the kindness of strangers that I find on various Facebook groups who are so willing to teach me their craft.

I put some very honest and raw videos up of my first attempt and even I had to laugh at my own struggle to learn a new skill and at my amateur attempts. But everyone has to start somewhere and as usual I am late at the starting block and the race was won by everyone else but me but hey...I am putting in effort to play catch up!

23 March 2020

Standing in my kitchen, making toast I start sweating like a pig. Thinking oh oh ...is this coronavirus? Is this a hot flush? Check the outside temperature! Fark. Oh well at least I am not dying today.

Dentist at 2 pm. That shall be interesting...

23 March 2019

Shabbat Shalom Kulam! Boker Tov! 🙂

The Tanya is going to shule! A very unusual event. In honour of Sally Castle’s incredible hard work and in honour of my own Survival. HaShem moves in mysterious ways. 🙂

I do hope the Dybbuk in the Roof of Beit Or behaves itself when I am in the sanctuary.

Interestingly, earlier in the week I was thinking about one of my enemies from there and even asked myself, why are you thinking about that dreadful vacuous false woman? It’s not like you ever have to see her again.

Then by Friday arvo I was invited to shule so yes, I will be eyeballing that befoulment again. All good. I rise and shine with a thousand angels by my side. Fearless and free. (The only way to fly!)

No man woman or child, Dybbuk or troll comes between me and my G-d. I am powerful and I am blessed. Even if only a few rare and precious souls still love me.

A good day to all. 🙂.

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Gahhh one of my cats has pished on my tallit and tallit bag which had fallen behind the couch. I wondered what the smell was?! I had to quickly wash them. Now no tallit. Oh well. Worlds will not collide. Then interestingly, I arrive here (at Shule) to discover I have brought the Orthodox Siddur! HaShem has a marvellous sense of irony.

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I am home from Shule. I had a lovely time, seeing Sally receive her award and also it was the celebration of a young man’s conversion. His grandparents, friends of mine, Mavis and Mervyn, and his great grandmother (Mervyn’s mother) were there.

Mervyn’s mother is now aged 100 and 8 months and I was awestruck as the gorgeous lady has not at all aged in the last 10 years since I last saw her. It was just wonderful to see such beauty and vitality in her.

Meanwhile I stagger around like Death’s own mistress at almost 54. So she is an inspiration to me. Good health and zest and love and joy are her portion in life and by the gods it shows!!! So Mama T must pull her socks up and try to enjoy better health too.

I also got to meet Rabbi Fred Morgan who is about to retire. I asked him to send my kindest regards to my former Rabbi Uri Themal and expressed my gratitude for his support of me many years ago.

I learnt sad news that Dr Eva Popper had passed on 3 weeks ago.

So time is marching on and I must get back into the groove again instead of floundering on the edges of my own life like a suffocating puffer fish.

So many inspirational, hard working and humble souls in one room. Wow!

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Sitting in my garden, eating peaches. With Charlie and Beauregard for company. I vacuumed the floors as I could not abide my own filth a day longer. It was so hot and humid I sweated off most of my makeup. Schmeh. I can reapply it later.

It is much cooler outside in the garden. A lovely peaceful vibe. My tallit (prayer shawl) is almost dry. Funny catssss! I probably won’t be wearing it again for a long while but it is clean now.

Eating peaches and thinking about my purring pissing felines looking so satisfied. Presidents of the USA. Kitty gonna spend the night outside if she pulls that shit again. Somehow I don’t think she minds really. The joys of lacking a frontal lobe and being nature’s sociopaths.

Anyway I have had a good day. I might even go dancing tonight, (or at least sit in my “spot” and listen to the music!). Life is for living full-throttle, but not throttled or mottled or collywobbled.

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Well, another of my golden idols becoming shit-stained abuse apologists. In her perfect world of wealth, privilege and fame I guess she cannot begin to comprehend that not dying from their abuse is hardly a vainglorious commodity.

Not dying...surviving to marry and children. Yes. That’s nice. But we survivors lived with death constantly. The death of our childhoods, our innocence and the death of our nobility and reputation for which we strive to compensate for in a myriad (often unhealthy!) ways.

I will no longer support Barbra Streisand. She can join “Stewart World” where the real world does not exist and little sisters are declared Dead.

Haha. Zombie Apocalypse is coming and this little sister continues her Dance among the Sephirot. Another pervert bites the dust.

Disgraceful!!!! Oh well at least she didn’t tell the adult survivors to get a haircut and a real job as my half sister told rape victims at the Rape Advisory Centre. The fucking filthy Thing!!!

23 March 2018

This is what our world is up against. Government sponsored genocides and rapists. Everywhere. Not just openly in Oklahoma. Which is why it is high-time I checked out of this Hotel California planet earth nightmare.

But someone has to outlive the evil of our time and be a voice in the wilderness. Might as well be me as anyone else on this planet.

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Still very ill. Gonna have to relent and take Prednisone. Hate that stuff.

23 March 2017 (Terrorist Attack on London bridge England, UK)

Crystal messaged me to let me know she is safe in England.

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I wish my daughter would come home to Brisbane but in truth terrorist attacks can happen anywhere. The world is not safe so we all have to make it safer. Love more. Fight for human rights/animal rights/planetary rights. Suffer no fools. Stand up to protect each other.

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Crystal was on tour guide training on a bus on the other side of town when it happened. They got an emergency call. She was lucky.

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Intense pain in my leg. I have rubbed Deep Heat on it. Not taking panadeine forte as it makes my fatty liver problem worse.

Just lying on the couch, watching Gaia.com, cursing my fate. But will go to bed soon. I am just going to have to ride this bullshit out. It can take 3 weeks to 3 months to heal sciatic nerve. So it is just a matter of time and trying to be patient. Chronic pain since 11 December is a Bitch!! But it will end or I will end.

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Wow. My very first couchsurfing guest is coming to stay on Monday and Tuesday night. A young Frenchman. Very cool

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I am going to see my optometrist soon. Annoying but a necessary evil. I think my eye-sight has improved slightly since I stopped taking psych meds 9 months ago. It will be interesting to find out if I am right. I don't seem to get as much blurred vision except when I am crazy tired.

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23 March 2016

I have spent the day moving furniture, trying to fit stuff in and make my house look less cluttered. It is full of Crystal's stuff as well as mine. I feel smothered by stuff. The living room finally looks a bit better.

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I woke up at 1.45 pm. It is now 2.51 pm. It is a beautiful still day. I am sitting in the garden. I am content. My chest is much better. Still a bit tight. I feel exhausted from a month of epic coughing spasms. I did not want to get out of bed today but my body made me. I am glad to be part of this beautiful day. I am lucky to be alive when so many others are not.

Beauregard is driving me crazy eating cat shit. Bella used to do the same. Ugh! He is better behaved with the hens now. They have started laying again. 2 eggs today. Much needed!

I feel a bit strange emotionally. Like something big is about to happen. I am broke until next Tuesday so worried about money as is usual. The gas bill has arrived and will be followed swiftly by the electricity bill. It is completely fucked that govt housing don't have solar power. We would breathe easier come bill time.

In the meantime...survive and conspire to thrive. It is not surprising that the poor and disenfranchised turn to crime. Eke-ing out an existence on almost nothing makes you crazy. Well I am an honest decent honourable woman and that got me nowhere. The irony is not lost on me.

23 March 2015

1.56am I just drove home from my local McDonalds. As I was driving the 5 minute trip home, I had this thought. "There is a Big Love coming". I felt happy and exuberant.

When I walked into the spare room, to check on my bunny grandkits, Mushu followed me in. I picked him up and kissed him lavishly. Then put him down on the floor.

He went up to the pet fence and Ramon moved over to him and through the fencing, they touched noses. A bunny/kitten kiss!

I was right. The Big Love is already here and it is washing over me, inspiring me and who knows, maybe attracting the man of my dreams, prayers, manifestations.

Anything is possible.

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5.43 am. Still wide awake. Tired but mentally alert. Damn! Might as well get up, let chooks out and have a cup of tea!

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A hearty Mazel Tov to my young friends, Ashleigh and Scott Dean who last night brought forth their third child, Zachary Elroy Dean, 9 lbs 6 oz.

I shall call him Zeddy. Sweet little Munchkin! I am so excited for them and his big and very proud sisters, Chloe and Bethany.

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10.06 pm. Home from Dominoes, with pizza. I can't remember the last time I went to that store. Seemed to be new owners. 2 friendly guys, with broad smiles who were great! And a tad sexy!

I might have to take my business back there. I hated the previous franchisees.

Now watching comedy festival, Bliss out!

23 March 2014

I watched a lovely movie, "About Time". Lovely story. Craving chocolate now.

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Utterly exhausted after all the dancing and helping Crystal with her gig today. The kids were all awesome and appreciated the party. Lovely parents too!

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Home from the best weekend ever. I danced all night with the beautiful Corena. Man, did we rock the Murphy's! Berst played superbly and rocked out and we rocked out with them and I was feeling magnificent. Then I got let down by a man again. Games men play lol.

Life goes on! Tomorrow is another day (except it is Today!) so I will be a busy Grandma to a freaked out bunny tomorrow, dressed as a fairy. I hope I can summon more energy cos I nearly killed myself tonight. I officially can't feel my feet.

I hadn't eaten dinner so I am having a nice cup of tea and tinned spaghetti. Sort of gross that is for 4 am. Oh well.

I didn't see Brian hanging out with George this weekend. I hope he is ok. He was acting a bit psychotic last weekend. George said he missed him too. Awww! We are a bunch of nutters in the night, but we have each other.

23 March 2011

My mood is still crappy and I'm still very tired. I went out to buy flea/heartworm products for cats and dog. Then I planned on looking around shops more but it was so humid and I felt so blah, I gave up and came home. Washing done, in the amazing washing machine, have started on dishes lllol...started, not finished, and folding washing.

Copyright Tanya Désirée Arons