Memories: 14 November 2023

14 November 2023

14 November 2022

To the malevolent sardonic unkind unclean spirit that told me the other day: “You are punching far above your weight”. Well, I have decided that I am not. I am merely striving to not just survive, but thrive against insurmountable odds.

I am making jewellery in a Covid epoch where the entire global population has been terrorised into submission to unseen and unholy masters. At the behest of greedy entities that we can’t even fight against as they are mostly invisible or invincible.

I am punching in my characteristic defiant “manic denialist” ways by striving for excellence and integrity and burgeoning my creativity in multifaceted ways that might one day open up potentialities for me to live in a more prosperous safer financially independant mien than I have in the past 57 and a half years.

Yes I’ve been poor and once upon a time richer but always at the mercy of capricious vicious humanoids and their evil spirit assistants.

So this time…a time of a zombie apocalypse when everyone….everyone is living in fear and trepidation due to governments and big pharma and toxic media…and those willfully subscribing to death cults: just before Christmas it has unleashed itself …that thing they keep tweaking in Laboratories…my defiance is manifesting as choosing Life, my breath, my truth and now a new business direction. Because the markets are not making any sales at all, in fact are costing me money.

I have made some sweet connections there but the reality is, it’s not a social club but supposed to bring a bit of extra money in… a business venture in a micro business model that with my health issues (cptsd!) is not working out for me.

I need to be independent and work to my own time frames when I have the resources of energy and motivation to do so. (Which is very hit and miss ergo the smartarse comment from the spirit!)

Also the nastiness was already seeping in. (That didn’t take long….now did it?!

The Tanya the empathic berserker weather vane did not like the smell of sabotage already seeping onto her delicate senses. Like a putrescent veil or a fog of tyranny and delusion. I shoved it aside and reminded my fellow marketeers to choose life…No matter what!

So on we go. Strutting my stuff on my own terms as it’s the only way I can continue to survive. Everything is on the other side of Fear. Up to and including Lady Death herself.

Remember that. Take your place and keep your head and own your own spirit before you gift it to Someone or some Thing that will not hold it as Sacred as you do!

And to the nasty condescending people I met a few weeks back who chastised me for “doing it alone” well…I am not completely alone even though it all feels very overwhelming and daunting. I have my brave and fierce and beautiful friends who assist me in the things I need, to achieve my goals.

That is my spiritual wealth. True loving staunch friends. (Also the gods and spirits and fae that love me and ancestors generations back who were not tainted by the demonic influences of my immediate family of origin!)

I don’t know who these positive fierce formidable ancestors were that have my back? The ones that sent me Sir James Douglas in October 2018 when I was running a fever but although I have no ken if he was an ancestor of mine I do know he showed himself and gifted me his name as he came to protect me. In the gods (the ancient ones) I trust!!!

Yesterday I was so exhausted after my day at the market and I literally ran into Woolies to grab a hot chicken (there were none left) so Miss Five in her altered Berserker state grabbed lollies and chocolate and bread rolls and ran to the checkout. I was in a hurry to get home to Beauregard and felt faint with exhaustion. Also primal (ergo the lollies!) lmao. Yes I am that nuts!!!

The beautiful young Muslim woman at the checkout met my gaze. She motioned to me to go to her checkout. I nodded slightly then raced to meet her at her station. Some loutish man was at the checkout but almost purposely shoved his trolley into the front of her checkout, effectively blocking me.

We two women looked at each other askance but The Tanya was on her mightiest of her last nerves (something the Muslim woman must have recognised …Trauma activation…!!!) so slickly without a word, she moved to the next empty checkout and I following her intention, slid past the toxic zombie male and alighted in front of the Woolies worker with the determination of the Damned!

Calmly I stated to her “Thank you for your kindness that was very quick thinking of you. I was feeling a bit frenzied as there are no chickens left and not much for my dinner tonight…so thank you for serving me so well”. She smiled and said the chickens must have sold out already. I nodded. I said “It’s been a long day and it is after all, Sunday!”

But yes her quick thinking and willingness was truly surprising. She must have witnessed my distress. Or saw a woman who was rising above yet another blockade! Whether deliberate or not, it was a bit startling and almost comical.

The sisterhood had my back. A Muslim sister. And today Jarrod, my friend and adopted brother had my back by creating a SquareUp website so I can stop these insanely stressful shenanigans and go back to my longheld stance of not belonging to any clubs that will have me as a member (or pull my strings or other ignoble sabotaging “tests”) so I can get on with what I do best. Creating, dreaming, fighting, inspiring and connecting to authentic people devoid of divisive sabotaging devices.

Yayyy!

…

I need to soothe the bastard ancestors (in my immediate family) who have blocked me from financial success and true love partnerships 🙂.

But today my friend Jarrod worked hard for me, in creating a new business website because moving on is not the same thing as giving up and I am entering a new phase in my life where all abundance, joy, love partnerships and solid connections with good kind people and spirits are now manifesting…with harm to none, with competition with none and my evil ancestors can just stay in their corners and rattle their chains as I am done with my apprenticeship of pain!!

“Them’s fighting words”. Yes they are but for every monster that held me back or tried to kill me ….I have gorgeous earth angels and truly wonderful friends who have my back…and my front.

Thank you to Jarrod, Lyn, Sally and all the others who have saved me for my best and most powerful and most delightfully joyful outcome. Xxx

…

14 November 2021

Very unwell today. Extremely fatigued and upset tummy. Some sore where my glasses press on the top of my nose (between my eyes) which really hurts.

I have been watching YT videos. It was a lovely day.

14 November 2020

I had a great time. Some good people from Goodna worried that I was alone and invited me to join their table and have a beer with them. We even got to dance. Marvellous!

I told Tonu (the woman originally from Samoa) that I am accustomed to being alone and was not bored at all.

Her husband Mina was hilarious. His friend who hailed from Wimbledon originally was funny too. (Although he got a wee bit too affectionate towards the end but it was harmless enough).

I teased Mina and Bob about their “Bromance” and guessed (because I am psychic) that they used to work together and that is where they forged their bond!

Tonu was feeling a bit left out so she asked me to dance so that brought a bit of balance into the dynamic!

Mina said that we are all such odd people. I replied that I never met a normal person in my life and what is “normal” anyway. We had fun together!

Nice earthy people. Tonu had tribal Samoan tattoos on her legs. I didn’t know that Samoan women tattooed their thighs. I wanted to ask her more about it but didn’t want to be too rude.

She told me she is the daughter of a Chief. I said “I am in the presence of Royalty!” And thanked her for her kindness in including me.

I had indeed lost my confidence because of Covid. I felt awkward and uncomfortable for the first hour. But eventually my anxiety settled.

14 November 2019

Another scathing hot day!

14 November 2018

5 hours sleep but Oberon is coming together nicely. Last night I made his breeches. I still need to sew up his body, arms and legs and stuff him. Then make his hair and wings and do his face.

I am tired but content with my lot. It’s a cool morning. I let Charlie and the hens out. Penny ate her breakfast but is back in bed with me.

PS The breeches looked awful (I ran out of one colour of wool so tried to match something similar but in light of day , uh no. So spent an hour unravelling them and have just knitted up another pair (from a skein of wool that was enough to complete the task!)

14 November 2017

Really unwell again. I haven’t fully recovered from the putrid jaw/teeth nerve pain. I think the heavy medications have upset my gut flora. Gonna have to buy more yoghurt and eat more fermented veges.

14 November 2016

…

Just found out what the smell of burning plastic was caused by. Switch under house has flipped the main safety switch. So I have rung housing to send an electrician to check on the wiring.

FML. More hassles. But I wondered what wiring was burning out as I have smelled it for while now. I thought it was my neighbour Timsa setting fires at his place lol.

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Unapologetic apogée moon brought me a night of little sleep. Just under 5 hours. I was exhausted too. Thanks universe for fucking with my highly sensitive limbic system.

I went to bed at 1 am but watched a movie about an Israeli Shaman named Izchak Beery until 2 am. It was interesting but my mind was racing and I was busy "manifesting". I do that a lot lately. Wish/hope/dream/pray or variously beg G-d to no real avail but hey, I try, Right?

I have to get up soon to drive to the mechanic at 10 am for the much needed and long overdue car service. There goes the rest of my advance. I pray there is enough money left to get Bobo desexed but until he has serviced the car I won't know for sure if there are any extra repairs needed.

I have $800 left so that is not going very far. Hence my anxiety. Manifestation: "I have plenty of money. Money comes to me quickly and easily. I always have more than enough." Actually that is partially true.

The universe gives me a regular pension so I pay rent in a govt house and survive to pay bills and buy basic food. Not quite enough but it means that I can exist without having to go to work and struggle with bullying/exhaustion and still not enough money as happened before.

So I am grateful. But the car maintenance can only happen when I get an advance and that is always a scary time. A car is a luxury. I know that. But my freedom is imperative. So here we go. Another day in paradise.

14 November 2014

14 November 2013

I had an appointment at the Dental hospital today, to see the Sadist govt employed Russian dentist.

Not being well mentally or physically, I found I could not sleep last night even though I took the extra bit of Seroquel at midnight to sleep, I was still thrashing my body and legs around (restless leg syndrome? Lack of oxygen?) at 4 am. I set my alarm for 7 am as a builder was coming to repair front landing between 7 and 8 am.

Mysteriously, I never heard the builder arrive so have no idea if he assessed the damage or didn't turn up lol. I never heard the alarm at all.

Some inner alarm (or guardian angel intent on me fixing my toothy problems) woke me up at 10.30 am. I lay there shocked and exhausted pondering how I had 30 mins to get up and drive to QE2 hospital until 10.38am.

Then it was a dazed, auto-piloted trip to the hospital. I was so out of it, I am not sure I should be driving so I was careful.

I made it in time. She cleaned the teeth, gave me another appointment (oh god noo 2 fillings). I went home, right back to bed.

I awoke again at 5.30am to the wild sounds of a very productive storm with lashings of much needed rain.

Happy Woman here.

The prednisone helped my lungs but contributed to my hypomania all week so I feel quite exhausted now.

14 November 2012

I had a lovely day with Lyn. We booked a joint Skinscan appt and had our melanomas removed! My very first one... Eeek! Lucky it was early!

Later I bought 2 hens to replace my Girls that were killed previous night and another sack of Laying Mash!

Then I spent the arvo settling 2 new hens into their new home.

Copyright Tanya Désirée Arons