Making bad decisions

A lot of my close friends (mostly women) ask me

Did I marry the wrong person ?

Am I investing too much on a wrong man ?

Is this relationship right for me ?

Should I end this sooner than later ?

Am I better off alone ?

A couple of years back, I ended my marriage and embarked on a journey of self reliance and self discovery.

I moved countries, jobs, houses, travelled Solo, made new friends, picked up new hobbies, focused on building a career, went through Covid lockdowns, lived by myself, experienced short term relationships, heartbreaks, setbacks, hours of therapy.

I climbed hills, I lay on beaches, I drove long distances, I dismantled and assembled apartments.

and everything that you see in the movies before the lead character finds true love in a farm 6000 miles away from her city life.

Spoiler : I didn’t! :)

I experienced solitude and freedom!

And then people started reaching out to me, asking me if they made a mistake, and if they should reevaluate their choices, and if they should walk out of their marriages or long term relationships.

I always responded with -

Freedom is blissful

Solitude is a great teacher

and if your current situation doesn’t make you happy you MUST change it.

Simple, eh ?

I still stand by it, but

Over the years and with more reflection and delving into my own nature, and the complex dynamics of romantic, blood and platonic relationships as a layman experiencing everything and watching others from a distance, I have come to see that no decision is really a mistake. Or let me correct it, most decisions aren’t really blunders!

We seem to beat ourselves up unnecessarily, and way too much over “dumb decisions that ruined my life”

Because there are NO bad decisions.

As Baz Luhrmann rightly put it

“what ever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either – your choices are half chance, so are everybody else’s”

We all navigate life the best we can, assessing situations with the understanding we have at the time, utilizing external and internal resources available to us and consequentially making partly rational and mostly irrational choices and get going

… and that’s perfectly alright! We are inherently irrational beings!

On that warm afternoon in July 2019, I packed up 4 suitcases, we gave away everything we owned for 5 years and I left London and my marriage to start a new life.

:)

I don’t regret it ! And am grateful to the journey I have had. I treasure every part of it. (Well, most parts)

However, I also acknowledge that if another version of me had chosen to stay, seek support, make big changes and work things out in the marriage, that would have been okay too.

Because, let me tell you this loud and clear, so there is NO confusion - walking away from a relationship, from a person, from a marriage, from a friend, from a family member, from a job that you love, from a city you call home is not easy. It demands the same amount of courage, conviction, and relentlessness as putting effort into staying.

Every decision you make, any option you pick, every choice - it has a grandeur it promises and comes with pitfalls and risks.

The only question we need to ask ourselves when at crossroads is -

do I unconditionally and enthusiastically love the potential grandeur enough to put in the consistent effort and at the same time risk the pitfalls ?

If it’s a resounding YES - that’s your option right now. You go for it full throttle, go through that journey, whether it’s alone or with your present soul mate, you will feel glorious very often in your living.

I promise you !

Freedom is blissful

Solitude is a great teacher

But Happiness - happiness lies in unconditional acceptance. It’s not the same as Freedom.