It's Not You; It's Your Boss

You do everything asked of you and everything that might be asked of you. People don‘t ping you, they come to your desk with the simplest of questions because you are simply that much fun to interact with. Project managers fight to have you assigned to their projects.

Yet, you still feel like your boss is not pleased. You walk on eggshells; your chest clenches when you see an email notification from them. You ask him for feedback and are told you are "doing great!" but, he continuously gives the best assignments to peers far less experienced than you. He calls you out for the one time you did not have a smile plastered across your face.

Face the facts: your boss hates you and shows it in a very passive-aggressive way.

Since it’s unlikely your boss will go away, take the opportunity to toy with their passive-aggressive nature and gain some professional skills till you can get the hell outta there.

1. Put all communications with them in writing. Passive-aggressive people act covertly because of their paranoia. Secret meetings, undocumented processes and procedures that change at-will, hoarding of information. Use this to your advantage by following up each meeting with a written summary of what was discussed. After a team meeting, send a minutes email. Do not rely on team members to remember points of discussion in the same way you did. There may be some email exchanges as the team concurs on discussions. This will drive the passive-aggressive boss crazy because they will feel out of control of their reports' thoughts.

Career gold for you: learn clear, concise communication.

2. Hold all meetings and discussions privately. Take the opportunity to meet with coworkers privately so you can truly dedicate your attention to them without your passive-aggressive boss casting passive-aggressive juju into the atmosphere. Knowledge-share with others in the company. The passive-aggressive boss will wonder the reasoning for all the closed-door discussions because they know what happens behind doors they close. Hint: a bunch of nasty gossip. The paranoia that they are being left out will drive them wild.

Career gold for you: ability to work cross-functionally with other departments; show peers that you value what they have to say by giving them your undivided attention.

3. Be the voice of knowledge for junior teammates. Passive-aggressive bosses have no interest in true leadership or mentoring. Since they will not make guidance a priority, become that source for your teammates, especially those new to the team or junior in the roles. They will probably be normal people appreciative of your willingness to step into the void your boss left. The team will solidify healthy professional relationships to get the job done and your boss will be annoyed that their own counsel isn't more sought after.

Career gold for you: develop and expand your leadership and mentoring skills.

4. Ask for specifics. Getting genuine feedback and/or clear direction from the passive-aggressive boss is unlikely. However, it does not hurt to ask for it. Who knows? Maybe you catch them at a good moment. More probable, they will be thrown off that you have asked them for something they are ill-prepared to provide. They will feel uncomfortably put on the spot and you will get some vague response.

Career gold for you: get comfortable asking for feedback and creating dialog with a difficult workplace personality.

5. Keep top-notch performance. You will encounter bumps; you will have moments of frustration. During these times, just focus on getting through the day, everyday, till the moment passes. The passive-aggressive boss is waiting to pounce on weakness and mistakes, to prove to themselves but mostly others that they were right about you. That is who they are but it does not have to define you. Keeping your cool and vibrancy turns an inner knife in them.

Career gold for you: professional endurance to work through difficult situations while keeping your eye on the ball.

You will move on to greener pastures while your passive-aggressive boss suffers in a hell of their own making.