I Am What I Am

I don't know about inner peace, but there's an inner "piece" that seems to be missing anytime I go too long without utilizing my creative outlets. Yes, that's outlet(s), plural; for I am a Creative Arts Specialist by trade. That's how I brand myself anyhow. It saves a lot of time explaining what it is I do.

So, what is a Creative Arts Specialist? That's always the next question, so I suppose there really is no short way around it. Well, I specialize in ALL creative arts. I sing and I teach voice lessons. I dance, and I teach that too. I studied voice and dance in college, my forte being hip-hop, tap and modern styles. I studied ballet as well, but quickly learned that wasn't going to be my specialty. I decided to study voice and dance after traveling internationally with a performing arts group for several years. In a group of hundreds of singers and dancers, both of which I was not, I spent day after day playing instruments in the backing band and doing other things like improvisational comedy or rapping. After years of watching others sing and dance and realizing that I couldn't, I decided to do something about it. I spent the next several years in college studying voice and every style of dance they offered. Upon finishing college, I began to teach, which forced me to become even better. Since then, I never played in the backing band ever again. Catch me front and center shaking my groove thing or solo singing on the mic instead.

So, as you probably realized by now, I also play musical instruments. 15 to be exact. I started teaching myself guitar and banjo as a kid in order to try and be closer to my father, who was a bluegrass musician. Didn't really get his attention, but it certainly got attention from others and I continued gaining new opportunities from then on to play and learn. I started adding new instruments to my repertoire every few years, and still do so to this day. I spent many years playing in bands, from country and bluegrass, to heavy metal or jazz, I've done it all.

Apart from music, there was always writing. I started writing when I was just a small child. I don't really know where it came from exactly, but I know I started with poetry and love letters. I idolized romantics growing up from the written literary novels, to the stage and screen actors. I loved the idea of love, and it poured out of me long before I had ever known what being in love was actually like. From there, I naturally started writing songs and lyrics, beginning with love songs, and then as I got to actually experience love, I wrote angry songs, happy and sad songs, because these feelings often coincide closely with love, especially at a young age.

In grade school, I entered several writing competitions and won every one. The same again in college, scoring two writing scholarships in both creative and business writing. Since college, I've spent much of my adult life teaching songwriting courses, working as a freelance copywriter and editor, and writing articles, blogs, and more for different companies by which I have been employed. Music has always been my greatest love, but it has been a rocky, often toxic relationship at times. Writing is and will always be my first love. It always just feels "write".

Then comes the technical side. As I survived most of my life as a struggling artist, bouncing between different creative gigs, I eventually got sort of burnt out performing on stages, working long hours for little to no pay, and barely scraping by at times. So, I once again returned to college for my fourth time and studied Business Marketing. Here I learned how to utilize my creative skills in copywriting, web design, graphics, photography and video editing, content creation and more. This is primarily the bread winning creative work I do to this day. However, try as I might I still cannot get myself away from the inconsistencies of the creative job market. Sometimes it's really a tough gig; but at the end of the day, there almost seems to be a calmness within the stress. Because when I stop creating and stop working, I stop being me. I feel disconnected from myself and my passion. I lose a little piece of myself inside.

So, I put my headphones on and turn the music up. I take long walks so I can sing out loud and dance around in the middle of an empty street. I release all the stresses that I feel, and I remember that I am one of the lucky ones. I love what I do, and I do a lot! Best part of all, is I get to do it everyday for the rest of my life, for richer or for poorer, until death do I part. I am what I am. I am a Creative Artist.

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