I Am Not Jobless Anymore!

No word that can explain the turmoil I feel inside me. Since March 2020, I am jobless, and having a deadly pandemic is not helping at all.

My job-hunting is temporarily halted, luckily I have my freelance job. Although it is not much however it helps me a lot while I am in need.

Every day, I wake up early and applied for job hunting, hoping to get back on my feet. At the same time, I join a free online course to improve myself in anywhere that I am lacking.

I took a language course, a marketing course, a WordPress course, and other self-improvement courses that will benefit me. I want to occupy myself from the bitter truth which is I am jobless.

Although I am smiling, inside I am worried, sad, and feel dejected. Rejection after rejection, makes me question myself. Am I good enough? Why me? Why can't I secure any job? I have all the experience. Where could I possibly go wrong? What should I do? I don't want to become a burden to anyone. Oh god, help me!

But, I keep a happy face in front of my loved one. This is my problem, I do not want to worry them more with my insecurities. I put my confidence face whenever I went for an interview but inside, I want to cower away and hide.

I dreaded the question, " Why happened with your last job? Why did they let you go". It is hard for me to explain to them the situation. Because honestly, I love my job. I love writing and I have a passion for what I do and I want to share it with the world.

And of course, there is one interview that shaken me when the interviewer keeps pressuring me as to why I quit my steady job for a contract job. I explain and explain and explain but they can't seem to accept my answer. I had to answer that question three times before they move on with another question. Is this often happen in an interview?

But yeah, it makes me wonder if I am making a grave mistake. However, I have a solid personal reason as to why I make that decision, at least that is what I've told myself.

For a while, I keep searching for a job. I join a lot of things as well and Alhamdulillah, after a while my prayers have been answered. I managed to secure two promising interviews with two different companies. I am interested in both but can only choose the one that gives me a better offer.

After 6 months of uncertainty, I finally secured a job. And it is been good so far. It is different than what I used to and I am still learning every day. Of course, I make some mistake and there is a lot of new things that I learn every day but I am grateful for this.

I am no longer jobless. When I first get the call, I was overwhelmed, shock but also relieve and scared. Did I finally manage to get a job? Can I do this? This is completely different than what I am used to. Can I do a good job? Am I doing the right decision?

But, of course, I take it as a challenge and willing to learn. After all, I did took all those courses to improve myself right? What is the better way to apply what I've learned so far into my work?

There is still a long way to go. And I pray every day that everything will be smooth. I know where I am lacking and trying to be better at it. Most importantly, I am no longer jobless!