How I Overcame The Fitness Industry

As an 18 year old female who just got out of high school, one of the worst feelings was looking at my senior pictures and the only thing I could tell myself was, "You look huge". I am a pretty short female which is not as glorious as some people put it out to be. When I gain weight, its got about 3 places to go. My already huge thunder thighs, my stomach, or my back.

I started to notice about 4 months into my senior year that I was so unhappy with the way that I looked that I was willing to go back to vaping and unhealthy habits just to cut the weight. Instead of losing the weight, this caused me to go into full on stress mode which led to a lot of stress eating. This very unhealthy cycle was broken when I finally started to go to the gym. I was very shy, nervous and out of my comfort zone when it came to any sort of workout I did in the gym. I eventually broke out of this shell and when I did, I was exposed to all of the hidden feelings that come with losing weight.

As I started to follow my favorite influencers and spending loads of money on supplies, that now I realize are unnecessary for a beginner, I got very depressed. Here I was, on Christmas break crying about how I haven't seen any progress while my family is celebrating being together. I finally got out of my slump and started doing cardio everyday and guess what, I saw progress. But what no one else knew was that all of my energy was completely fueled by very unhealthy amounts of caffeine and the couple of granola bars I ate a day. I had maybe 1 meal a day which consisted of eggs and maybe a piece of toast but that was about it. I took zero breaks. My body was exhausted, I was mentally drained. But who cares? I just needed to look like the models that are all over social media.

This stage of my fitness journey was one of the worst stages I have ever been in. What got me out of it? I started to realize that every influencer I was comparing myself to had about 5 more years under their belt than I did. Or they were 5'11" while I'm 4'11". Our bodies would never be comparable due to the structure. This helped a little. But then I started to step on the scale more and see that the number was at a steady 135lbs. This was the most disappointing part of losing weight. I hit a point where the number never changed and if it did, it went up. I finally came up with a solution that worked for me.

I deleted all health apps and trackers that I had besides one that I knew would only track calories and sugars. I came up with a clear schedule and I let myself be okay with taking breaks. Everything that I struggled with seemed to be pushed into the past. I started to like going to the gym. I figured out what was good for ME not for the athlete who has competed for years in CrossFit or powerlifting. I finally learned how to drown out the noise and I am now able to look at myself and smile at my stretchmarks and jiggly thighs. Breaking the unhealthy patterns was the key and helped me realize that the fitness industry is full of fake stigmas of how everyone should look. Be who you want to be and leave everyone else alone!