Hard Drift

2014 is the year of my high school graduation. It was a great 4 years of high school. Learned a lot, experienced a lot, it was now time to begin a new journey as a college kid. College felt so cold and fast paced as a freshman this is a new experience got to adapt and merge in the flow. I am joining the soccer team, BCCC Soccer Team. It feels a bit better to do something I love. Everything is slowly making sense. I am attending classes, showing up for soccer practice and running for work on a daily basis.

There are other things in my mind I would like to explore like friendship, music, fashion,... and acting. There are also things I would like to export from my mind like finances, affording books, and classes for this and the next semester, also gas for daily travels, food, rent, and finally extra money for whatever the cause may be. "I should inquire for a new and better paying job that fits my school and sport schedule. I may have to give up one of each for more money which means more working hours. But I think I'm ok for now till I really need to do so."

Here I am, driving to work after hours of classes and high anticipated soccer practice. My body is telling me "you're exhausted you need some rest" my reply is "Once I make it to work I'll be wide awake while working then I may find some good rest when my day is over". In the next minutes of me forcing myself and not listening to the signal of my exhaustion, I am fighting to get back in my lane but it's too late I was sleep enough time to be off the road and experience the consequences of my impulse and habit of rejecting warnings, even the ones coming from my own mind and body. My car took a major hit but I am fortunate enough to be ok with no physical injuries.

What happens now…?

The insurance company told me the cost of repairs was too much. I am to get a refund or however they call it.

I am now without a car although life goes on I still have classes, still have soccer practice and still have work. campus is 1h 45mins from my house and work is near my home so when I do the math, that is 2 hours 30mins of public transportation everyday. " Well uh, I think I can do that." I'm doing good for the first week with just one issue, not enough money for transportation, food, books for almost everything and the by-weekly paychecks I am receiving from my job seems really slow to manifest and when they do, they are surely not enough for the next weeks. "I should ask for help but I'm not so good at asking for help. I'll be fine, no need for help. I can find a job that offers more money. Great, now how do I do that ?"

It's late at night I decide to surf through the web for a better opportunity… I suddenly come across an ad promising wealth and financial stability even more importantly, the time to live however I choose and do whatever I want. The idea itself is appealing, so without a doubt or a second thought I dive in and proceed to learn anything I can about it. It's past my regular sleeping hour but I have to get to the bottom of this vision my mind seems to be captured by. It's not so simple and it requires money also, but the outcome appears to be tremendously rewarding. The sun is rising and I am still working on this vision hoping for the miracle to happen. "Wait!! classes, practice and work... let's put a break to this. Sure enough tonight I will be able to finish and hopefully see manifestation."

As the day announces its ending, I am back to working on this vision. Late night working on this new vision and as another rise of the sun meets my horizon, I feel better for what I've accomplished through the night and I gradually see a light at the end of the tunnel. But after classes, after soccer practice after work, as the day ends, that light seems to disappear. Though I tell myself "it's okay, maybe I am missing something. Let's find out what it is that I am missing." Another late night, webinar after webinar, in the search of the perfect tool to make this vision come true. Looking for what these people are doing that I'm not doing and how they're so successful. "What is their recipe? I want it." The clock is ticking, I'm blindsided or I choose not to notice it with great pleasure to imagine what my life will be like once I put the right ingredients together, to imagine what it feels like to be independent, successful and free.

Sure enough this morning I know I am not able to make it to campus and work because I am short of funds, reality check. My paycheck is a few days away and work is really strong on missing hours. I already used many of those hours by being late. There goes the thoughts again "Only if I could get this vision to come true. I won't have to run to a specific location everyday worrying to death. I could really use that peace of mind, to be free, to wake up not rush anywhere. I know eventually I will get to that but I must give up something, maybe more things, work and practice even more to stop taking classes. Ok my mind is made up, I will put more time working on this great vision of mine. I must begin to give it all. In the mid time how do I afford the rent, and my phone bills and the funds to support the vision?"

Now that I'm not showing up to campus or practice or even work. There's food home but I am still left with the burden of phone bills, rent money and investment to make something of my vision. "Oh wait there may be a great option at my disposal. And I see no risk to it. I need a highly requested product and a great amount of clients. The only thing people seem to be enjoying on a daily basis from my perspective is marijuana it was huge in high school. It is even a bigger thing now so I am giving it a shot. I would need enough product to make enough profit and save enough time to continue to work on the ultimate vision."

After I make a few phone calls and talk to the right people I'll have what I need to begin my journey as a weed dealer. Clientele isn't hard to get when you're dealing marijuana. It's only a matter of time.

Sure enough 8 months of me dealing marijuana I have a great ongoing clientele. Everything is going smooth but since the demand gets higher with time I'm forced to get more marijuana so I get connected with more providers.

But something else is happening and I'm not aware of it, no not at the moment. Seeing that things are moving pretty fast and I barely have time to enjoy with my family, something huge is not adding up.

What is it ? Well it's easy.

I pretty lost sight of the real vision. Since I'm actually making great profits and not punching the clock the feeling is new and pleasant. My clients love me. Or is it the product they love?



Fast forward to 2 years I am still doing the same thing. Completely lost sight of the real vision. At a point where I may either hurt myself or really fall down too deep that I will have to reset and go back to point 0 and find the real purpose of all of this. But for now I'm deeply in the moment living day to day slowly losing my ways. So unaware that I'm actually drawing attention to me very badly. It didn't long for me to accumulate traffic tickets. One, two and three warnings. Then October, 2017 happened…



I pushed it far that day, when I chose to take a few state troopers on a high speed chase. A simple traffic stop turned into a major event in my life. Caused me 11 months in the county jail. Those months seemed very long but once out of the correctional institution I was eager to start again with a different approach this time.



I wanna break through the glass but I still have a small attachment to the fast coming money. Can you imagine what happens next ?



Yes, back to doing the same thing. However this time with great fear of getting caught up and losing my freedom but fear alone isn't enough to do the right thing. But I see the fact that I only been incarcerated once and actually did 11 months in the county. Wisdom hasn't hit me yet, patience hasn't reached my heart yet so there I go looking for that satisfaction I deprived myself from when I took these state troopers on a high speed chase.



I would say I learned my lesson but it wasn't till another incident happened again in February 2019. An event that caused me 7 months in the county jail and 5 months in the state prison. That experience shook me pretty good.



When I do the math and add all these months of stalling and learning about actions cause and effect I have no other choice but redefine myself and my purpose from the beginning, from the time before everything. Before I even knew that paying bills was a thing. So with no effort I begin to experience what true happiness is. Happiness without the many desires that pushed me to engage in the illegal distribution of marijuana and reckless conduct in traffic. I lost great time because of my past actions seeking for materials and I also gained something non material, something essential and beneficial. I'm no longer the person I was when I had those materialistic desires. I have found patience. I seek more wisdom and knowledge.



For today I will live and behave like I already won the lottery figuratively speaking. But literally, I will focus on what I have available and the best out of it. So for today I will share my joy with my family and surrounding. Every moment of my present must be filled with satisfaction of pure and real joy of love and compassion indeed gratitude.



Today I can look back and say "let's that experience count". Because "cause and effect" meaning actions and consequences. My actions today will define the outcome of tomorrow so basically plant the seed of love today, water down and care for that seed of love every day then till it grows strongerstronger.



A