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Goodbye and Good Riddance 2023

How I've hated you for the lessons you've imparted

By Colleen Millsteed Published 7 months ago 3 min read
Image courtesy of Pixabay

The year 2023 is coming to an end and I can only thank the universe that this is finally happening.

Why, you may ask?

2023 has been a tough year……an extremely rough year and it all started on the 1st January 2023, and most days of this horrific year has beaten me bloody and raw.

As an example of the horrid days I've barely survived this year, let me give you the short version of the heartbreaking estrangement from my oldest son.

We went from being a very tight knit family of three, as I've been a single mother of two boys for most of their lives. My oldest son had become my best friend, once he left his teenage rebellious years behind. We could talk about anything and everything and he honoured me by bringing in his girlfriend of ten years into the fold. I felt I'd finally received the daughter I'd always wanted.

But then in 2022 they married and all was well for 6 months - until 1st January 2023.

That day, things began to go wrong and they headed downhill for the first 6 weeks of the year, until a day in the middle of February when my heart shattered into a million unfixable pieces.

The day I heard my oldest son tell me he has responsibilities now and therefore no longer had the time for his brother and I.

After those fateful words, there's been very little communication, in fact it's been 99% silence for the rest of the year and I have not set eyes on him in 8 months.

There have been many other obstacles thrown into my path this year but the estrangement of my son has been the hardest to handle and the most painful.

2023 you broke me in a way I never dreamed I could be broken.

However, as the year is now coming to an end, I'm beginning to realise that maybe - just maybe - this year and the trauma I've received, maybe - just maybe - is a blessing in disguise.

The pain and the anguish has caused me to look at my life in minute detail and made me realise how unhappy I've been and this unhappiness has been for more than a decade.

I realised I have not been living as I've only been existing - and I've only been living this existence to be near my boys.

This epiphany has opened my eyes and although it's also let the fear flood in, it has helped me make some monumental decisions. Decisions that will see me come alive once more.

The realisation that I've done my duty as a mother and now it is my time……….time to follow my dreams.

So as terrified as I am now of the future - luckily my motto is 'feel the fear and do it anyway' - I am now in the process of buying a 4WD and an off-road caravan and I plan to hit the highway and never look back.

I tried to resign from my employment of 7.5 years so I could find a position that would allow me to work remotely, but my employer talked me into staying in my current position and agreed I could complete my tasks out on the road. All I need is an internet connection.

So 2023, fuck you for breaking my heart but I also want to thank you for waking me from the humdrum existence I've been living for the last 12 years and giving me the anticipation and excitement, not to mention the terrifying fear, to live my dreams.

The year 2024 is going to be MY year……….a year of adventure and growth. Bring it on!

Alec Zarenkiewicz (Medium Writer) invited me to Thought Thinkers (Medium Publication) Monthly Prompt for December, which actually gives a choice of various topics prompted. The prompt I chose for this article read as follows:

Year-end Reflection and New Beginnings

Share your most significant moments of the past year with the lessons that made them what they are. Tell us how these experiences have shaped the person you are now and continue to mold your resolutions for the upcoming year. Successes, failures, short term and long term goals, we want to hear it all.

Please click the link below my name to read more of my work. I would also like to thank you for taking the time to read this today and for all your support.

If you enjoy this piece, you may enjoy this one too.

Please visit my website if you'd like more information on my newly published book, Battle Angel : The Ultimate She Warrior.

Originally published on Medium

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About the Creator

Colleen Millsteed

My first love is poetry — it’s like a desperate need to write, to free up space in my mind, to escape the constant noise in my head. Most of the time the poems write themselves — I’m just the conduit holding the metaphorical pen.

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Comments (4)

  • Mariann Carroll7 months ago

    This is beautiful, We have to go through darkness to spread our wings and see the light for sure. This is relatable, my daughter is in college and of course her boyfriend comes first, lately. I hardly see her this year. My health does not make easy either. I am so glad you are going to hit the road. I hope to read happy stories 💕💗

  • 2023 be reading this and thinking, "Tell your son to eff off, woman! I ain't do nothing to ya!" Lol! Jokes aside, I know that pain would always be there but I'm so glad you've accepted that you've done your duty as the best mom anyone could ask for and finally now it's time for you to enjoy your life! So happy for you! 🥰🥰🥰

  • Cathy holmes7 months ago

    Hoping you '24 is miles from '23, literally and figuratively. Go get it, my friend.

  • Bon voyage & westward ho! May 2024 be all you ever hoped & so much more.

Colleen Millsteed Written by Colleen Millsteed

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