Finding Yourself

We all envision how we want our lives to be like, while we are growing up. Some children want to be a cop, fire fighter, lawyer. Some want to be a dancer or painter, a doctor, or nurse. Some boys want to be cowboys, and girls start planning their weddings from the time they are 4 years old. As for me, I never really could figure that out. I remember being a kid with a lot of responsibility, that just wanted acceptance for who I was. Even though I couldn't even figure that one out. It was always like I was told how I needed to be, or what I needed to be doing. If not from my mom or dad, grandma, other adults, it was friends, and other kids and students I went to school with, too. It's like I was taught to just go with the flow, instead of making sure I make my stand, for myself. And now figuring out my adult life, I've found a lot of things to be challenging, when it comes time for me to have to stand up for myself. Be who I feel I am. It has taken 30 years to feel the freedom, to be able to find the things that I feel make me happy and find what and who I am meant to be. Not saying that I have all found the answers, or have figured the secret of life out, but I have learned that you can not make everyone happy by trying to find your own happiness. Nor, can you make yourself happy, trying to keep everyone else happy. Everyone will have an opinion of what they think is best, or just an opinion, that can be kept to themselves. I've learned to say, Fuck it! I gonna do me, regardless!

A few years ago, I had worked for an amazing, and inspiring woman, who has taught me a lot. She ran a tow truck company for over 30 years. We ran hot pink tow trucks on our highways and kicked so much ass. She had put me in charge of documenting the weekly safety meeting minutes. We would go over changes in the towing industry and regulations, safety while being on the highways, or anything else that arose during the week. One day, my boss comes in my office with the last meeting notes and throws them on my desk. All I thought was, "Oh damn. What did I mess up?!" She sat across from me and said, "Kayla, I just can't get over how well you write these. It's like I'm sitting in the meeting all over again. Have you always had a knack for writing?" As the time went on, with me working for her, I had grown to be the one to document the incident reports from the drivers, as they would explain details of what it would take place, to get each job done. As well as, sitting in conference calls and documenting all that was said. More and more it had come to my attention how my words just flow when able to put them to paper. That's when I realized that I did have quite a talent with it. I mean, in college I did get paid to write other peoples essays for them, and always got them a better grade then I was ever given. But given any topic, I can do some research and have you 2 pages written in just a bit.

Away from working at the tow yard, I had started to journal some. To be able to get what was in my mind out, was relieving and calming. However, I have to admit though, it didn't always seem to be good all the time. But everyone has their bad days, right? And to think about it, sometimes those are probably the best reads. I would write about how different things made me feel through out the day, or talk about different events that had taken place around me. But then, I stopped. I guess life started to get too busy, and other things seemed to be more important.

I worked for the Tow Boss, for about 4 years. However, life got too demanding, and the job, was even more demanding, therefore I had stopped working there. It didn't change the fact that we were all still like family. My boss had a son that I had worked with during the time that I worked at the tow yard. We live in a small community, so I had actually worked with her son another time before that, at a local restaurant. Nevertheless, working at the tow yard was a different world. You grow to be family, and make sure you all are safe. Her son's name was Bobby, and he always had a smile on his face. In 2017, there was a terrible accident, that resulted in taking Bobby's life. Across all 50 states in the U.S., there is a law in place to keep first response personal safe, while assisting motorists on the side of the highways. "Slow Down and Move Over" which means, when you see any first response vehicle pulled over on the shoulder of the highway, with flashing emergency lights, you as a driver, are to slow down, and move over a lane to give the first response personnel room to safely get the motorist help and off the side of the highway. In Bobby's case, he was assisting with, what is considered to be a Heavy Duty tow, and was directing the traffic to do what the law requires, Slow Down and Move Over. (Heavy Duty Tow; A semi truck and 53' trailer were needing to be removed from the side of the highway.) One semi driver, failed to take notice, failed to Slow Down, failed to Move Over. When Bobby noticed the driver not moving over, he ran to a safe haven and tried to warn the other driver that was on the scene. The other driver did not hear Bobby's warnings, and so Bobby, made a conscious decision, to come out of his safe place. He ran to the other driver and shoved him out of the way of the on coming semi truck, then Bobby ran towards the front of the parked Heavy Duty Wrecker. Before Bobby could make it to safety once again, he was struck. I truly believe that Bobby thought he could beat the truck. And all it took was one driver failing to notice the scene of a tow on the shoulder. Bobby's life didn't have to be taken that day.

For such a small town tragedy, it really shook the world. His mom had taken over 30 years to build an incredible reputation in the towing industry. So when word had spread that Bobby's life was taken, and how he had been killed. The love and support that came from people from all over the world, was so inspiring. However, it had started to come to a lot of people's attention, of how many tow truck operators, alone were being killed. Did you know, on average, a tow truck operator is killed every 6 days? That's only tow truck operators, that's not including, state officers or troopers, fire and EMS responders. That is only tow truck operators.

I can go on and on, rant and rave about how these driver's don't have to lose their lives, how if motorists, will stop being so distracted, or just simply use common sense while driving, then the numbers of dying responders, would lower. The number of first responders could, in fact, raise, if we all could follow the laws and be safer while driving; But! that is not the reasoning for me writing this. (And there's so much more detail that can be gone into.) However, that is just a detail of this story.

Bobby's mom has spent the past 4 years that he has been gone, sharing Bobby's story all over the country, and being able to bring awareness to the Slow Down Move Over movement. The impact of her sharing the tragedy, is so moving and inspiring. And I am very blessed to be able to still help her, behind the sense. Helping write speeches, and making notes of things that help her, help others. Her emotions, I'm able to capture, and make them out into words that helps her change the world. For me, it's very inspiring to be able to help her through being able to help so many others.

I know she could find anyone to help her write up the things she needs to, however, she tells me that I have a talent and am able to target what I need to with just writing it down. And I have to admit, she has always been one of my biggest inspirations in my writing and mostly everything else I do. However, I feel like I have finally found what brings me passion to be able to share, and it's writing.

For the past couple of years I have been wanting to be able to write, just anything that comes to mind and share it with people. I started to write more and more, after helping Bobby's mom share his story. And I could just feel the creativity and feelings just come to me as I come up with different stories, from things that I have or am going through, to fiction stories that come from the depths of my imagination.

Now, being able to find the confidence to share a lot of those personal stories, has been rather challenging. Ha. I've always found myself at the end of rejection, or disappointment. So, trying to take constructive criticism to what my thoughts and feelings were in the time of me writing, is not the easiest. But, given the opportunity to do some writing for someone and they need things to be changed or they just don't like it, then that's a different ball game. Personal versus business, right? In all reality, who really enjoys putting their most vulnerable stuff out for others to see, without having reassurance first? Honestly, probably more people then I would ever think.

At the beginning of the year, I was telling my boyfriend, Malachi, that I have had, the urge more and more to start writing. When I first brought it up to him, the smile he gave me, followed by the, "Baby, you can do it! And I'm here for you", helped me build myself up enough to really start putting myself out there. Not long after that, I was scrolling through Instagram and seen this amazing ad. "We are needing Creators like you, to share your stories with us! -Vocal Team" I clicked on the link, and honestly felt like it was too good to be true! But what I found this wonderful community of creators, that are a lot like me! I signed up right away, and couldn't wait to share with Malachi what I had found. When I told him, he said, "So when are you going to put up your first story, and when are you going to get famous." I laughed, and told him, I probably wont get famous, but at least someone out there can maybe read what I write and maybe I can help someone feel better, or help them see a different view, or even just make them laugh a little bit. He's excited for my journey and helps me every step of the way. And my son, is also a big supporter, as he is always asking, "Let me read whats new mom."

I have published a few stories on here about different things I've experienced, or other things that bring me joy. Butterfly stories, some things about sunflowers, even one spooky story, and one about being a "Stoned Mom". I have found some discouragement when I publish a story and don't get the feedback or response that I was hoping. But, I haven't let it stop me from coming up with more ideas and writing my little heart out. I absolutely love being able to be apart of Vocal, and being able to be share my stories with the others that share their stories too. And reading and following other creators, is very insightful and rewarding.

Writing is something I'm passionate about, and is something that I plan on taking to the next level in my life. Being able to express myself through my words and have them brought to someone else's attention, to make even the smallest change, is what I hope for. From blogging to being able to write a full book, would be something that I would love to have accomplished in my life time. And I know I can do it!