Dear Younger Self

I’m writing online now. First on Quora, now Medium. Remember that blog on Blogger you first created just to imitate that cool cousin you admired? You posted all kinds of random stuff with designs you liked, but now it’s long gone. But don’t worry, I write better now, those honestly were just nonsense you posted for the sake of posting and having texts anyways. Your diary was still better.

I can no longer remember what you were thinking when you wrote writer as part of your long list of dream jobs but it's now something that came back to mind again after disappearing for years. I forgot about you ever wanting to be one, but I came into this online writing world anyway. Don't worry, I'm still a creatively inclined person.

I've a confession to make -- I still don’t have a dream job, just a longer list of them than where we left off. And I’ve learnt over time that that’s okay, I still have the same passions you have. Veterinary life didn’t work out for me though, I’ve tried. Also, I had a fruitful internship as a music composer assistant before college that I would never forget. Exploring options gave me so many precious memories. You’d love and treasure them too.

I’m now a piano teacher, someone you wished you had growing up, but never really wanted to be. I know you didn’t like the thought of teaching but I love music and kids. These students are so, so cute you’ll love them too. They’re now my kids, and I love them so much. I now care about giving them a well-rounded education that doesn’t stifle their creativity, growth and interest in music. And that’s not an easy feat to juggle. I’m still working things out.

I'm now studying what you later worked so hard for and turned into a passion, and it hasn't been easy -- I'm currently struggling, and I almost gave up. I honestly don't know what naive, young you were thinking that we could make it. But since I promised you to give everything I've got if we ever got here in the first place, maybe I should keep going and work harder, even though I’m really tired. But I will make you proud and graduate just for you.

I'm still with the same best friend we've had growing up, though I've lost many other friends along the way. But I've grown so much and have learned to let go of toxic people and people who no longer fit in our lives. It does get a little easier over time. And for that, you're gonna be so proud of me. I didn’t really cry that much either. I'm still a cry baby though, that apparently hasn't changed much. But oh well, we're just emotional like that. I've also made a few global internet friends online. It's really cool.

I'm really lucky to have a tiny circle of close friends who really care for me. Those that I care about the most and the only ones besides our family whose personal opinions that matter. I've also collected a bunch of other friends I met along the way who aren’t as close but brightened our life in many other ways throughout different phases in life.

I've started learning Latin ballroom dancing — definitely not something you would've ever imagined. But I love it so much now. I'm lucky to have found a dance partner who works well with me too. Most importantly, I'm still dancing actively. Something we came back to several times in our life, even though quitting dance for the first time once brought you so much pain. You did what you had to, and coming back just makes it feel even better.

I'm now older, wiser, but still as tiny. I still look younger, perhaps around your age. Yeap, still tiny in physique and nope, I haven't grown more than an inch since then. Yeah, it's disappointing. It's still a love-hate thing going on, depending on the situation.

I started reading books again and even bought a Kindle. I now enjoy reading with a combination of both. Ebooks aren’t that bad — I know, they aren't real books, but it really isn't. You'd probably grow to love it too.

I still haven’t rescued or adopted a dog or a cat yet, but that still remains a life goal. I've also grown to really love cats as much as dogs, since my experience at the vet clinic. The neighbor's cat's really adorable, though.

I still love going out. Window shopping is still our favorite form of shopping, even though/especially when I'm earning for myself. But there’s a pandemic now, and everyone in the world was forced to stay home at some point (still encouraged). I’ve pretty much adapted and kinda love the stay-at-home life too. Being cooped up isn’t so bad or boring after all. I've collected more hobbies along the way now. I now too love online shopping.

My Advice: Honestly, nothing in particular. You would've made some mistakes along the way, but that's okay. You did what you had to do, went through what you had to, learnt what you learnt and became the person writing here today. Just know that everything that went wrong got better and you’ve become stronger and wiser after each recovery. But also, trust yourself more, seriously. Trust yourself more.

This story was Originally Published on Medium.