Confused



Everything happens in a blink of an eye. One minute your with the love of your life, the next it is like your strangers. 

Day one.

I woke up thinking everything was a dream. Reality hit and I was laying in bed crying all over again. Laying there in bed realizing the love of my life is now a stranger. Last night I didnt recognize him. His what used to be beautiful blue eyes were cold and empty. Fighting to keep our relationship together. Fighting for his attention. It was gone. There were no feelings from him. I found out that night he was cheating on me. All these women on his phone he was talking to. Hiding everything from me. Making me look like a fool. I was hurt. I was angry. I was betrayed. Someone you thought you have known for six years was all a lie.

He put up a fight twisting everything saying it was my fault all these women were on his phone that he was talking to. He told me I showed zero love from day one. I felt my knees buckle and I fell to the floor crying in so much pain. I showed no love? I was not allowed to work with other males. In this day in age that is impossible. I was not allowed social media. I was not allowed to go out with my friends. I did this all because I loved this man. I was a home body. This did not phase me.

I was just an option to him. I found out everything I did meant nothing to him. I was a joke. He stood there heartless belittling me. I gave up. He became someone I didnt recognize. A stranger, a monster.

The day I first laid eyes on him he was the one. He was my forever. That gut feeling telling you have found your forever human being to live the rest of your life with. Those beautiful blue eyes, that smile that just makes you smile and your stomach fill with butterflies. He was my perfect man. He was what made me feel wanted. Feel loved.

He was broken with a past that all I wanted to do was hug him and be his savior. His safe person. His past haunted him everyday and effected us. Effected me. I fell in love him. No one could replace that feeling. Its always been him. It hurts knowing your forever and always is gone. That that feeling can not be replaced by someone. Everyone keeps saying there is better out there. They dont understand that feeling. That gut feeling, that connection. No guy has ever replaced that. No guy made me feel the way he made me feel. My Mr. Perfect gone.

We fought many times. He would always push me away and we would go no contact. Could be weeks, months longest one was a year. I thought I moved on. I thought I was fine. I wasn't. I still had those feelings for him. Each time we got back together our love grew stronger. We felt whole again. Then past would come back and haunt us. Separating us.

I miss him everyday. Not going to lie. Everyone says I can do better. That he was not for me. The perfect one is still out there waiting to meet me. That feeling with everyone I met prior to him never gave me the forever one feeling. I have never had that strong connection with anyone. I tried to move on and no one has satisfied that hole he made.

He was my broken person that I loved so much.