Changes in Life

So, I have ALWAYS been insecure in my own skin. Especially within the last few years, because I KNEW I had gained a LOT of weight. I am now at my heaviest (340lbs), and its taking a toll on my overall health and body, including mental health.

I never believed that mental health and physical health was so connected until lately. I've been told I've got Metabolic Syndrome and I'm prediabetic, at risk for a lot of other issues. My anxiety and my moods have been more all over the place in the last year, and I just chalked it all up to being situational stuff.

I now have to be on a special diet, basically Mediterranean/low carb. It's not been as hard as I thought, but I'm also only a week into it LOL! I'm NOT giving up, even though it's a bit difficult to meal plan when I'm the only one on restrictions.

I'm supposed to be exercising a lot more and trying to do more cardio, but my anxiety won't let me. I get too anxious to try going to a gym, I can't stay outta my head long enough to do things at home, and I get distracted by everything else I need to do.

My mental health is so draining that it's hard to keep motivated on setting exercise goals. It's definitely been a struggle. I wish I had more legit people to help me reach my goals, but I get life is busy for everyone right now.

The biggest disappointment was when I realized in the 7 yrs since I had my youngest, I gained 100lbs! I'm thoroughly disgusted with myself for letting myself go like that! Now I have to work ten times as hard to get the weight off again. It was gained so easily, but the work to lose it will be harder than anything.

I've always assumed I'd have health problems since I'm adopted and have finally started learning about hereditary health concerns, but this one is my fault. I'm the only one to blame for my poor choices in life when it comes to my diet and the food choices I made.

So, now with having to make all these changes, I'm learning more about different benefits of the different foods that I wasn't paying attention to. Learning about different things to substitute for the junk I was intaking. I never counted calories before now, but lemme tell ya, it's hard as hell when on a calorie restriction!

I've tried the Keto diet, lost weight, but gained it plus some all back. I was on weight loss medication from a weight loss specialist, but again, once I stopped the medication, I gained all plus some back. Now come to find out, this weight issue is also stemming from some of the unknown medical stuff that I didn't know runs in my family.

For those who took the time to read this random rant of mumble jumble, thank you. I'm just so confused, lost, and at a place where I'm just tryna figure it all out. I don't have a lot of people to talk to about these things in my life, so I come to writing and utilize this as my outlet for a lot of things. I am trying to process this new info in my life, along with the other struggles I'm tryna face...and I'm doing it all alone, no support except from my doctors. Again, thank you for taking the time to read this.

Feel free to follow or contact me on FB or email me (listed on profile). I'm sure I can't be the ONLY one struggling with these life challenges. Let's become "account-a-billy-buddies" LOL