Apologizing To Yourself...We'll Talk About It

I think more often than not we all have a lot of regrets or wishes that we could’ve done something a tad differently. We say we don’t, but we do. The only times we don’t and truly mean it are when we’re content/happy with the present moment, then we think about all that led us here and say, “I wouldn’t change a thing”. It's kind of sweet. You know what I don’t like? Over-explained apologies. When someone is apologizing and they say “I only did this because *cue sob story to make you feel bad for them and lessen their mistreatment of you* ”. You want to know why? I feel as though when people over-explain while apologizing they think I don’t see them as human. I know you are and with this information, I know you will mess up/be moody/be annoying/have unkind moments–I get it. I’m empathetic to it because I, too, am human.

Now, I can say I have been guilty of over-explaining myself many times. It’s because I’ve mostly apologized to people who don’t see me as human, in the way counts. That sounds harsh to say, but it’s true. My past relationships, I wasn’t allowed to make mistakes and be treated decently afterwards. My past friendships, I wasn’t allowed to have bad days like they did and be loved unconditionally. I HAD to over-explain to keep people in my life. I question often if those people were ever worth keeping.

I say all of that to say this, there’s no one you owe a bigger apology to more than yourself. Honestly. I stayed in situations, conversations, and energies that didn’t desire me and I felt bad for myself because I knew… but I didn’t leave. I’ve always allowed people to leave me because I thought there was always something heroic or beautiful to be the one to fight for someone. Whether they deserve it or not because at least they can say someone did it for them once. The way I choose to care for people despite their mistreatment of me feeds their egos, I’m aware. So when I’ve tried to apologize to myself in the past, I over-explained. Maybe because I’m a perfectionist and I thought I had failed? Possibly. Maybe because I thought I deserved more and the other parts of me demanded to know why I accepted this? Perhaps. Maybe because I, too, didn’t see myself as human (in the way that counts) and ‘sorry’ wasn't enough? Yeah, that sounds about right.

So, this is your sign to take the day or tomorrow and really apologize to you. Don’t over-explain. You know why you did whatever and you’re carrying around that reason to be validated, but the person in the mirror doesn’t need it. You may not feel owed an apology because there were so many times people have hurt you and they never apologized—but don’t let their mistakes make you question whether you deserved one. You did. You still do.

It’s brave to say sorry and not know the response you’ll get back, but I think you’ll find out very quickly that if you apologize to you… he/she won’t leave anytime soon. I'm pretty sure they’ll stick around for the rest of your life. If you don’t know how to start, don’t worry…. we’ll talk about it.<3