Afternoon pages

It's wednesday afternoon, here my afternoon journal pages. My recent thoughts, my recent life, desires, mood...surroundings. Hope it makes you reflect and document your day :) Happy reading:)

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So here I am. I am writing this in my living room, on my living room rug. I have the day off - well, half the day, and you know what it gives me a bit of time to write and get paid for it *wink*.

But you know, I am enjoying being off and trying this lifestyle for the winter. Slow, but moderate exercise. I don't go all in, which I feel like I should. At least if I'm home, I hone in on all my practices, which so far have been - writing, in the morning, reading, and doing a bit of ballet barre exercises, which I love for my legs, but I do stop halfway, when I know I can push myself to the whole thing.

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I have a stack of other books that I feel the urge to pour through, especially on cold days. I love reading. Perhaps it's an escape, a heavy escape, from "reality", it seems. I feel stuck, but I'm trying different things, to see what works as my next move. I'm okay with my current work 'cutting my hours', in fact, I'm controlling it. I seem to desire the time away from work and try to make money staying at home, I do feel a little guilty, well, it will affect my paycheck but at the same time, I'm in motion. I'm doing work. I'm writing, consistently, and trying to. Educating myself on the next steps. Resting, keeping a tidy space, breathing, eating well, staying hydrated moving my body, educating my mind, nourishing my spirit.

"the universe tends to bet on those in motion", according to Russ. (go look him up :) He's one of my fav rappers; )

But here I am. I did yoga and meditated on my living room floor, in the sun, which has now been very quickly covered by the clouds. The swarms of clouds. I finished Jeanette Mccurdy's book today, "I'm Glad My Mom Died", after a 1 week and a half, and well, wow. It gave me such a vivid glimpse into her upbringing to rise to Hollywood. These days, I'm having more and more sympathy for "big" named celebrities, instead of judging from the outside. We don't know them personally, and we don't know what they're going through at all. Recently, I've been loving Alyson Stoner's podcast - "Dear Hollywood", I am enjoying also Will Smith's autobiography, "Will". It's so powerful beyond words. I am grateful for reading, I truly am. (I will list all these sources below at the end of the article)

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The weather today is cloudy, I am listening to meditation music. I just did yoga, a balance of everything it seems today. I woke up, did my "Morning pages", did a few ballet exercises as my workout, and then dove into my books. I read for a good 45 minutes or so until I decided to ask my boss to come in later today (for which I did feel grateful that I could do). I enjoy being home. I love it, love it, love it, and I feel like the universe knows this. As much as I feel like I desire to be home, I know when I need to socialize, I love people, I really do, but I would prefer to live at home and work from home, and still experience life. And somehow, somewhere, it's going to happen. Truly, I'm just on the hunt and discovering how to make money from home. I know, we live in the era of that possiblity. At this point I am desperate I guess to try anything that will bring some money on the side.

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I also smoked a few bong hits. It wasn't that much. My relationship with weed is another thing too that changed. I don't smoke as much, to be honest. I smoke very small amounts in the morning, and then at the end of my 'work day', but even then it's less than half a joint. I don't rely on it too much, only when I'm out trying to have a good time. But on a day to day, it's small & short use. I read somewhere that said frequent weed consumption in your 20's isn't good; you can smoke it, but it's dangerous once it becomes a frequent habit, and therefore can lead to addiction. And that's why I try to minimize it, to be honest. All in moderation.

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Im trying to elevate good habits, better habits. Reading more. Practicing yoga and meditation. I realized something about yoga. I like my feet being grounded barefoot and not in a shoe. I practice dance barefoot, it's only when I go to 'work' I wear dance shoes, which I actually believe or not, hate. I know it's a strong word, but I love being grounded, literally. I loved that in my acting class back when I was doing my undergrad, we had the option of working barefoot, with no socks, or indoor shoes. I always chose to work barefoot. I loved it. I even did a one woman-show barefoot. Something about being grounded and rooted. Even at home I enjoy not having socks or shoes, maybe socks for the colder seasons, But still.

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I feel I'm at a stop in my life - job wise. At a fork in the road. I've been listening to Rick Ruben and Jay Shetty and reading Deepak Chopra next and Will Smith. And in between an episode of "Weeds". I'm making my way through that show. There's 8 seasons, and I'm on season 6. I love Nancy's character, as stressful and choatic, there seems to be a way out, a choice. But on a simple level, I love her so much. I know she has issues and different ways of dealing with things, but there's always humanity at the crux of everything.

Thank you for reading:)) Happy exploring!

Books I referenced through the article:

"WILL" - Will Smith

"I'm Glad My Mom Died" - Jeanette McCurdy

Podcasts Mentions:

"On Purpose" - Jay Shetty (Specifically with Rick Ruben on as a guest)

"Dear Hollywood" - Alyson Stoner