Accepting Part Two
Aging with Grace and a Retirement Plan
I woke up again and another day has been granted. Another day of being me with all of my memories of joy, pain, successes and failures, and desires and regrets. I get out of bed, look in the mirror, and try not to laugh at myself too much. Am I all that I've said I am? Am I any of what was said about me? I shrug. I am what I am and I want what I want and today is another day to try. That's about it.
I try to be honest about life and myself. It's not easy. I don't want to admit that I'm not as sexy as I was 30 years ago. I don't want to admit that I can't do a cartwheel anymore. I don't want to admit that I have various physical ailments and limitations from all these years of being in survival mode. Regardless if I want to or not, it's true. I have changed -- not just mentally, emotionally, or spiritually, but physically too. Change is difficult for me to accept and admit, yet it has happened.
Life used to be easier for me before I knew some things about life that I know now. Innocence is bliss they said, but you don't know what that means when you're still innocent. Redemption is more than making a confession or saying a prayer.
In every aspect of life, whatever an individual pursues as a worthy cause, the challenges are evident and we learn what we are made of -- what we can and can't do regardless of our faith or desire. I can't do a cartwheel anymore. That's a sad fact.
I have to keep changing. That's also a sad fact. The way that I lived my life 30 or 20 years ago, isn't going to work anymore for me at this stage of my life. I can't eat the way I did back then. I can't spend the way I did then. I can't make mistakes as foolishly as I did back then. Time and resources are running out and I have to be smarter and wiser with both. There is no one left to catch me if I fall. And I know how hard it is to pick myself up when I'm down and bruised. Caution is the theme of Part Two in life.
I have a plan for myself. It's not written in stone and I'm not going to have a hissy fit if it doesn't happen immediately or exactly the way I hope. I need to have a plan to keep moving and focus on something. It's pretty simple actually. After acknowledging what I have left (of myself and my possessions) and seeing what opportunities are still available (not much) I decided that the simple retirement life is the best plan for what I call "Part Two" of my life. Part One was the first 50 years. Part Two is whatever is left.
I'm not going to try to be the mom or the wife. I'm not going to be the world's best teacher. I'm not going to climb the corporate ladder to the CEO chair. I'm not going to hope and pray that I win the million-dollar lotto. All that is behind me now. My simple retirement plan is easy and much less disappointing.
I just want to live and be me. Make what I can with my own hands. Make a life that is designed for ME by ME, not a cookie-cutter life that was designed by someone else for me and that was never the right fit.
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A Rumbling Volcano
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Peanuts and Crackerjack
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